feel so helpless

Replies

• Corrinne

  Dec 19, 2009 8:44AM

  oh no =(

  Have you guys spoken to the mother and asked why all of a sudden she has refused and changed her mind?!? There must be something you can work out so that he can spend time with his daughter and also so that her mother can spend time with her over christmas. Be calm! You can sort this. Calmly contact the mother and ask her to explain her reasons and if there is a way you can both sides be happy and have contact this christmas with her

  xxxx

  0
• x zoe x

  Dec 19, 2009 6:25PM

  it was planned for months hun since sept in fact. we were picking her up yesterday then dropping her back boxing day. last 2 years we've had her new year so we really felt it would be nice to have her christmas, her mum has said the last couple of weeks would we have her for new year again this year instead of christmas and my hubby said no he'd like to stick to the arrangement which i think is fair enough but she's obviously had other plans and had no intentions of letting us have her for christmas after all

  0
• theoldwomanwholivesinashoe

  Dec 19, 2009 10:21PM

  Sorry to hear your plans have been upset.Can sort of understand the Mum not wanting to be apart from her daughter Christmas,but then she should've never agreed to it in the first place,not just backed out at the last minute.I don't know your situation,what the relationship with the ex is like,or whether the mother breaks agreements,but at least your husbabnd's little girl knows her Daddy made the effort ,and presumably she was aware of the plans and probably excited,but until she's older I suppose you just have to go along with the Mum's decision,as long as she's aware of the effort her Dad's making,without upsetting her and her mother.

  Are you going to reschedule,have her another time over New Year or something.Maybe if there's the likelihood it'll happen again next year just stick to the Mum having Christmas ,you guys New Year,if it means there's an arrangement that you know won't be broken,and less upset all round,even if it's not fair on your husband that he doesn't see his little girl.You can do all the special Christmas things any day you choose.Maybe New Year or any other day,and treat it like Christmas Day.Of course Santa doesn't come twice,although I guess he wouldn't mind that if it was age appropriate,or whatever you feel would make the time you have your step daughter special.Also can you still do the grotto and panto visits,obviously depends where you all live,just take her for those things then back to Mum?

  It's still a few days till Christmas.There's still time to arrange something.It's very difficult,but there has to be a compromise that's fair to all,the ex must realise that it's the little girl who comes first,she needs to see her Dad and you guys too,you're her family as well

  Hope you find a way to a Happy Christmas for you all

  0
• x zoe x

  Dec 19, 2009 10:33PM

  thanks girls, unfortunatly nothing can be re-arranged as she has taken her away to kent now and between now and new year she's taking her to newcastle. normally if something like this happens it wouldn't upset us this much but hubby deploys in jan for 8 months so he now won't see his little girl till aug next year,

  0
• Corrinne

  Dec 20, 2009 8:54AM

  that is very unfair and selfish of her =( im sorry darling. Is there a way on xmas day the hubs can phone her and speak to his daughter on the phone...I know its not seeing her but at least its "something" xxx

  0
• trace estrellas

  Dec 21, 2009 8:29AM

  sorry about your situation. i get how hard it is with an ex and a step child when the ex does things like that. had the same myself. we now have full custody of our daughter and the mom no longer sees her thru her own choice. the kids are the ones who hurt too. maybe you could ask to see her before christmas even just for a few hrs before she goes before your husband leaves .i think its real important that all of you get to see her before she goes off. its important for your son to see his sister and maintain a good relationship with her as it is for both you and your husband to see and have a good relationship with her. i hope that your daughters bio mom is receptive and willing to let you guys see her  for a time. maybe just turn up and say that you all didnt want to miss the chance of saying happy christmas and giving her her present in person....as a reason to just driuve to their house and ask if you can take her out for dinner for a few hours even. anything is better than all of you feeling upset.that way both your daughter n son will know you both made the effort for them. God Bless 

  0
• mummabear

  Dec 21, 2009 2:49PM

  Aww Zoe big hugs hun x x x x and to John poor fella,bet he's truly gutted.

  I hope you three can enjoy christmas,and hopefully arrange that next year Frankie comes to you new year as always then at least she stays with you x

  I can understand why her mum doesn't want her away for xmas,but I cannot understand why she agreed in the first place and went about cancelling in such an underhand manner,poor John,to go and collect her and be told no.

  I really hope things can be sorted for next year,if I were you hun,I wouldn't expect too much from the ex,then that way all three of you wont be left so disapointed. x

  0