Any advice on a non-eating child?
Ethan has stopped eating. If we're lucky he has one full meal every other day, otherwise he just has little bits. His last full meal was lunch yesterday, before that was breakfast the previous day. If I feed him he can sometimes be persuaded to have a bit more, sometimes the promise of icecream does the same, but there's no certainty.
He's always been a bit hit & miss with food, but he had 3 helpings of every meal at nursery, so I didn't worry too much as I knew he'd be getting something 3 times a week. But now at school he flat refuses school dinners, but only eats half a sandwich and crisps at lunch - he leaves the fruit, carrot sticks and yogurt, I always give him a choice for all his meals so I'm serving things he likes.
I've told him that if he doesn't start eating his lunches he will have to have school dinners, but I'm worried that then I'll be reliant on him telling me what he eats. I've put a blanket ban on any snacks, and limited drinks at meal times. I just don't know what else to try, I'd really appreciate any suggestions
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How long has this been going on for? Is he underweight? Has he told you why he doesn't want to eat? Does he graze - would he eat little bits throughout the day? Do you sit him with you at mealtimes?
I was going to ask if this coincided with his sister arriving?
He's always gone through spells of not eating, this time it's been 3 weeks - since he started school. Like I said, I used to ignore as he ate at nursery, but with that supervision removed he isn't eating at school. He will eat as many treats as you give him, but wouldn't graze on anything else. I've always sat with him for meals, but I'm trying to eat with him every day too now.
Since moving he just seems so unhappy and lethargic. he doesn't want to go to the park or even in the garden, not eating, and now not sleeping. He says he likes it here, and likes school etc, but he just doesn't want to do swimming at school. Not sure what to do really
He was fine after Florence arrived, infact up to a few week back I couldn't stop him eating - he was like a bottomless pit!!
Could he be coming down with something? Have you taken him to the doctors to check his iron levels? Can you speak to the school to see if they can buddy him at lunchtime to ensure he's eating?
Does he eat breakfast before going to school?
My daughter's school does stickers for those who eat all their school dinner up at school. So I know when she's eaten it all. You can find out if they do something similar at his school. She's always been a good eater, but she does go through phases of not wanting to each much of anything at all. So it may be partly that he's just not hungry at the moment.
How much attention do you give him for not eating his food? If it becomes the focus at meal times then you may find that he doesn't eat simply because he's being watched to see what he'll do. Whereas if he's ignored - just talking about other things - he might eat a bit more.
Have you looked at the portion size? It might be that there's too much on his plate and that puts him off. My daughter does that sometimes, especially if we're out somewhere and they've served her an enormous 'child' portion.
Do you have time to get him to help you with cooking. A bit of picking at the veggies is allowed in our house, she often eats more that way without realising that she's eating the veggies she'll turn her nose up at normally.
Also what happens when he has a friend round for tea? Have you tried that? My friend's little girl is a picky eater and can be reluctant. But both girls spur each other on. I overheard my daughter saying to her at tea at our house once, 'you don't like omelette? But you haven't had my mum's omelette they're the best ever. Give it a try' This worked really well that time. (Doesn't always sometimes they spur each other on to not liking something!).
OK, so it took me so long to write my post that you'd already replied to some of the things I suggested!
If this has co-incided with a house move plus with the the reasonably recent arrival of the new baby he may unsettled. And it may be a subconscious way of getting a bit more attention.
I would talk to the school about what happens at lunch time. They should be making sure that Reception children at least make a go of eating their meals. It may be simple things like he's too distracted to eat when he should, doesn't eat fast enough, or it may be something weird like not being sure about another child at the new school. Speak to the school about it, they need to make sure that children are eating something otherwise they can't function properly in the classroom.
If a few weeks ago he was a bottomless pit it may be that he's had a bit of a spurt and now doesn't need to eat as much. This may mean that he looks like he's not eating very much but he is really. Just not as much as he was.
And if he's just started school its normal for them to be shattered and not want to do anything very much. The new routine is exhausting for them. By Christmas of my daughter's first term she had a full on tantrum at home where she threw herself on the floor like a 2 year old. She hadn't done that since she was 2, it was just the excitement, etc, etc. She was worn out!
Belle - I haven't been to the dr, but I have told him we will do if he doesn't eat. My feeling though is that it's a control thing - he often does it when there's been a lot of change or stress. I will ask his teacher too though. He sometimes eats his breakfast, and he does often have a little snack in the morning from the 'sleep fairy' if he's stayed in bed (so very hard to remove!!)
Thanks Cedar. Meals are pretty stressful, and he probably gets a lot of negative attention. There's always plenty of time fussing, strops if I won't feed him, reminders that he won't get pudding etc etc. I do try to just chat with him, but he gets distracted, climbs up and down from the table, messes around etc. It can take an hour easily to get a meal in him, so I do give him a time limit, and try to just say 'no food = no snacks/pudding', but he doesn't particularly care. I do encourage him to help me with meals, plus we look at magazines etc to find pics of what he'd like me to cook. He does eat a good balance, just not much of it. Unfortunately we don't know anyone where we've moved to, so no friends to invite for dinner
What about sitting him in front of the TV? Louie tends to feed like a robot when Peppa Pig is on the box
Cedar - thanks again - thats really interesting to know about starting school. Perhaps I'm looking too much into it, and feeling a bit guilty about the rough few weeks he's had (finished his beloved nursery, moved house and started school, all in 5 days) - perhaps inevitable that he will be not sleeping and eating properly?
I will ask the teacher tomorrow about a bit of support for him at meals though. I've also told him no crisps in his lunchbox until he starts eating the other bits. He always manages to devour those so he clearly isn't off food entirely!
TV is always on at mealtimes Belle, but he often zones out and stops eating until I pause it!!!
With that many changes in 5 days its not suprising that he's a bit unsettled.
Personally I would turn the TV off altogether (I know that it works for some people but I find that having a distraction around meal times means there's more messing around). Try to focus on the positive points. If he sits down for two minutes, then praise it. If he has a taste of his food then praise it, even if he decides he doesn't like the rest. Give him a sticker if he sits still - you could do a sticker chart with a prize at the end of the week. Its easy to focus on the things you don't like rather than giving them the positive instruction. And limit the time for the meal. Maximum of half an hour. If he gets down more than once then the meal goes away. Tell him you are not going to feed him anymore as he's big enough to do it himself. If there is a positive male role model from a book/tv programme that he likes say 'just like xxxx' (rather than you're not a baby as he may feel that he should be the baby because until recently he was the only baby. )
You may find that he's sitting at lunch time at school with a whole load of distractions going on so that it take him the limited time they have just to eat his crisps. Then they tell him to go off and play and he's missed his chance. I'm assuming his gets his free school fruit/veg snack and his milk in the morning? So he may not be that hungry at lunch time straight away? In our house its normal for my daughter to sometimes eat everything if she has packed lunch and sometimes hardly eat a thing. She manages OK overall though.
The opposite effect then!
Thanks for the ideas. I've just spoken to him about getting a sticker per meal, and if he gets 3 stickers he can have something from his treat tin at bedtime. He seems quite keen so we'll see how it goes!
My P is 6.5 and from a year or two old he has always been hit and miss with eating too. How soon after school does he have his dinner? One key with P, as cruel as it sounds is to wait until he must be hungry before I put a meal in front of him. To try and make it high calorie or energy food like pasta and bananas. Does he drink milk? Peter used to do just the same and fill his boots for a few days then hardly eat. I had to reason with myself that he does compensate when he is eating. It's a habit that has got far less of a problem as P has got older. He now genuinely understands the importance of food instead of me just nagging but tge understanding only comes with age. It does get easier though.
Kids have times when they just cba too so try not to worry too much. He has just started school yes, but instead of thinking he may be unhappy, (I'm a worrier if this too) he is probably just shattered from it all. So he may just be liking down time at home instead of the park sometimes. P's teachers said to expect them to be really tired when they first start, and not to expect too much from them.
I hope he is back to himself soon, it is a worry I know.
One more thing too. Expect to have to ease him into eating more. Like when a person diets your stomach does shrink. So if he goes through a phase of not eating, it will take some time for his tummy to be ready for full larger meals again, so go gradually.
Thanks QS. Yes he does east lots of pasta, and he loves milk. I've had to slow the milk down though as again, he'll fill up on it. He generally comes home from school begging for something to eat, but I make him wait til 5 for his dinner. I've been trying to explain that if he doesn't eat lunch he'll be this hungry.
So I tried Cedars suggestions for this meal - TV off, social chat (which I used to deflect when he started stropping), promise of a sticker if he eats. We agreed that I would help get the last bits off his plate, but he does the rest. He ate 1 1/2 sausages, a carrot, mash, chips, 2 servings of jelly and ice cream and a bowl of grapes!!! Thats more like my boy!
Thanks for all the ideas!
That sounds like a good start. Hope he keeps it up.