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I need some help :-(
I am not really sure where to start. Firstly sorry for going anon - I am a regular poster and "know" some of you and dont feel brave enough to tell you how i am feeling.
I have 2 children aged 5 and 18 months. I just dont feel myself at all. I cry at the drop of a hat but dont really feel "down". Its like i am hormonal all the time. I cry at the news - happy and sad stories. I cry at facebook. I cried at the weekend when a kids entertainer sang let it go! What is wrong with me??
On top of all that i feel so much anger and hatred. I feel hatred towards strangers on the street just for their mannerisms or something they are wearing. I am angry all the time. If someone knocks into me i want to rip their heads off. I swear at nearly everyone under my breath. At home the slightest thing makes me so angry - if i drop a spoon on the floor, something falls out of a cupboard or i hit my elbow. I swear (quietly in front of the kids) and i slam cupboard doors and sometimes throw things if i am on my own. I have broken cupboard doors, plates, the bin and my mobile where i have got angry and broken it. Last week the lid fell off the butter and i hit the worktop so hard i had a bruise on my wrist the size of a 50p. Sometimes i get so angry i have slapped myself in the face and enough is now enough. I have never ever hurt the kids or even come close but we never have any fun. I go through the motions of going to the park but i never play with them or run around and have fun like i want to. I snap at them and am sometimes cold towards them. I love them so much so why do i behave this way. I am like this every day. Each morning i tell myself i wont be like it today but i cant seem to control it.
I genuinely dont know what to do to get help or what the issue might be? Any help would be very much appreciated. I cant spend the rest of my life being like this :-(
Thank you xx
I have 2 children aged 5 and 18 months. I just dont feel myself at all. I cry at the drop of a hat but dont really feel "down". Its like i am hormonal all the time. I cry at the news - happy and sad stories. I cry at facebook. I cried at the weekend when a kids entertainer sang let it go! What is wrong with me??
On top of all that i feel so much anger and hatred. I feel hatred towards strangers on the street just for their mannerisms or something they are wearing. I am angry all the time. If someone knocks into me i want to rip their heads off. I swear at nearly everyone under my breath. At home the slightest thing makes me so angry - if i drop a spoon on the floor, something falls out of a cupboard or i hit my elbow. I swear (quietly in front of the kids) and i slam cupboard doors and sometimes throw things if i am on my own. I have broken cupboard doors, plates, the bin and my mobile where i have got angry and broken it. Last week the lid fell off the butter and i hit the worktop so hard i had a bruise on my wrist the size of a 50p. Sometimes i get so angry i have slapped myself in the face and enough is now enough. I have never ever hurt the kids or even come close but we never have any fun. I go through the motions of going to the park but i never play with them or run around and have fun like i want to. I snap at them and am sometimes cold towards them. I love them so much so why do i behave this way. I am like this every day. Each morning i tell myself i wont be like it today but i cant seem to control it.
I genuinely dont know what to do to get help or what the issue might be? Any help would be very much appreciated. I cant spend the rest of my life being like this :-(
Thank you xx
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Replies
Big hugs. You've taken the first step by posting on here and that is without doubt the hardest thing to do. You've admired things aren't quite right at the moment but by speaking out about it you're recognising that things need to change and that you're a fab wife and mummy as you want the best for your family.
Diesel, have you spoken to your OH about how you're feeling? When I suffered with severe anxiety and mild post natal depression, the first thing I did was share it with my H. I needed his support and he encouraged me to go to the doctors. I'd then recommend speaking to either your GP or HV. You won't be judged etc, you'd be amazed how common the feelings you're having present themselves. If you don't feel you can talk to them take your H along or write it down :-)
Please know you're not alone and if you need to talk or want to chat off board, I'm here xxx
Thanks Coco. Today has been better so talking about it has helped. I just need to be brave enough to take the next step. Thank you again. I really appreciate it x
I have only just seen this and wanted to offer some hugs. I don't have little ones yet but please don't suffer in silence. Please get the help you deserve sweetie. X
Thank you. It actually makes me feel sad when i think about what i used to be like. I was always the joker, always out, kind to people and very even tempered. Its like i am a totally different person now and i have been like it so long i am not sure i can go back to how i was x
Sorry for taking so long to right a reply. How are you doing today? I wanted to echo what Coco said and say admitting there is a problem is the hardest thing and the first step to getting the help you need and diserve. Has anyone noticed how you have changed your husband, friends or family. If someone has noticed it maybe you could talk to them about how you feel. Also I think Coco is right about seeing your GP or Health visitor. I have to say my experience of GP's has been amazing, I have elevated Blood Pressure, due to stress and has referred my for counselling. Another place which could possibly point you in the right dirrection to get help is sure start. I also think it is good that you have never come close to hurting your children or even come close to it. Again it is really positive that you are still taking them to the park. Sometimes we have to keep doing things even when we don't feel like it. I know this may sound stupid maybe you are expecting too much off yourself, when you say I am going to be different today. Maybe see if you can avoid getting angry for ten minutes, or 30 minutes, an hour or two. Start with babysteps. Life experiences change us but it is possible to learn to respond differently.
Sorry that you're feeling this way, feelingsad.
Echo what the others have said; have you spoken to anyone in RL about it? I know some people are reluctant to speak to their GP, and TBH mine is a bit useless regarding emotional wellbeing but that's just the luck of the draw for you, others have mentioned their GPs are brilliant.
HV or Surestart are excellent suggestions. I notice that you've got a little one of school age. My DS's school has a parent counsellor who offers a 'tea and tissues' type of service, might be worth checking if your LO's school has the same and popping in for a chat. My employer (if you work) also has an anonymous phone line you can call. There's always the Samaritans too, even if it's just for them to point you in the direction of good help.
Has anything happened that you can attribute your behaviour changing to? Contraception for instance, I was reading a lot of horror stories about the implant and mood swings today. Just wonder if there is a clear point in time where you can remember being the old you. She hasn't left by the way, you just need to find her again xx
Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate all your help xx
How are you doing?
Hello - firstly I hope you are ok.
Some really good advice on here. Remember what you were like before? Well... that is YOU. Just now, you are having a hard time and I totally echo what others say about expectations. I hate going to the park, I loathe it and it used to make me feel really guilty but what I try to do now is get someone else to take her - my H will go for hours - and I can then spend time doing something like baking or crafty things with my daughter that I do love but my H wouldn't dream of doing. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's difficult, when a day is bad already everything no matter how small can feel like a mammoth issue.
Feeling weepy and angry and all different emotions are signs that you are not yourself and this can be really scary. I really believe you should speak to the HV or GP, don't worry about what they are going to say, they will have seen this before and be able to offer you some advice. I know it's difficult to talk about it but there is support out there even if it's only talking to internet weirdies! lol