Need help on how to phrase this
The kids spent the day with Ex. He returned them saying B had been sleepy all afternoon, but that he didn't think B was unwell. Got him home and B has an obvious temperature and complained he had a headache all afternoon and that Daddy hadn't got any medicine for his headache. Now the latter part might be untrue but I want to contact Ex to say you can't leave the children unwell he needs to do something about it. This is possibly the third or fourth time he has returned the children with them being unwell and having done nothing about it. Actually it is probably more than that. I know children get ill randomly but I really think he needs to actually do soemthign about it rather than bringing them back and saying they aren't well. Does that make sense? But I need to phrase it in a non-confrontational way so he won't get his knickers in a twist. To me it is basic parenting but he doesn't seem to be getting it.
Replies
Hmm, what about when you next see him offering a 'spare' bottle of calpol. You bought it then realised you had another in the cupboard. You could offer it saying 'so if the children are ever unwell with you, then you would have some ready'? I know you shouldn't have to buy it, but...just an idea. Hope B is better soon x
Good idea although it is a bit more than that. U developed conjunctivitus whilst with him one day and he brought her home with her face covered in goo that ahd wept from her eyes. He hadn't seen it necessary to either clean her face, or bathe her eyes or even consider taking her to the walk in centre it was that bad. I'm trying to think of other exmples. He just seems to be oblivious to things. I'll buy some tomorrow as he is supposed to be seeing the kids tomorrow although B has said he wants to stay here.
Hmm I think anything you say is going to be seen as confrontational so might as well go off on one? My H doesn't medicate unless I tell him to, and wouldn't check temps or anything either. I think having a go might be the only way to have the desired impact x
Just tell him he needs to have a medicine cabinet at his house for when he has the children as B was clearly ill. Tell him to check for temps. As a dad (talking from my H's point of view) its not a natural instinct to know to medicate, how much or when. Men need it spelt out to them.
I agree its a man thing. Thinking back its always me that medicates, checks symptoms, rings dr etc. Maybe you'll have to deal with it case by case? Sort of if this happens again you could do xyz?
I don't agree it's a man thing. My husband knows when the children are ill and acts accordingly. You need to spell it out to him QI, even of it means a row.
I have to admit that my H probably wouldn't know when to give medicine either but he would at east show concern, or if I wasn't around he might call me to ask what he should do. The thing n that in this situation he does need to be on the ball doesn't he because at times he has sole responsibility. I'd tell him that B came back and was unwell and said he had been for a while, and that it might be helpful if he had a stock of basic medicines if it happened again. I get what you and the others are saying about confrontational thou.
This is what I sent in the end:
'B had a temperature when I got him home last night. He also complained he had a headache all afternoon but that you hadn't got any medicine for him. He has before had headaches and not told me. I have struggled to keep his temperature down through out the night. He says he doesn't want to go to your house as you don't have any medicine. I have assured him we will go and buy medicine before seeing you. He will next need to have children's paracetamol at 12 noon, as his last dose was at 6am. If he has another temperature spike I think he will need to go to the walk in centre. Please do not just leave him unmedicated when he is unwell. I will expect a reply to confirm you have seen this.'
Straight to the point, I like it!
Well worded, did he reply? Hope B is feeling better.
You've been far more polite than I would have been. It must be so hard having to bite your tongue. I wonder if he will reply?
This was his response:
'I asked him several times if he had a headache, if he hurt and he just responded he was tired. I have medicine but he only started to show a temperature shortly before getting him into the car.'
I replied:
'I have told him you have medicine and that he needs to tell you if he doesn't feel well. But I need you to assure me you will give him the children's paracetamol at noon. Please also make sure he drinks lots throughout the day as this would cover the two possible reasons for him feeling unwell. He will not drink a lot unless you encourage him to do so and I have been doing this through out the night.'
His reply:
'OF COURSE I WILL!'
Yeah but he didn't yesterday hence the need to make it clear<sigh>
Well you have made your point. I hope he takes it into account in future x