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School and ASD

At parents evening the teacher was skipping around the topic but basically I think he was suggesting B might be on the ASD. I'm not sure what to think.

Got a letter home from school tonight to find out that B had been licking another child and then spat on them. I am disgusted and horrorified. If I hadn't got the letter B wouldn't have mentioned it. We chatted about the school day and I heard about what he had learnt but at no point did he mention it. Then I asked if anything ahd happened that I might be disappointed about and he said he couldn't remember and that ebcame the response for everything. I eventually foudn out that he had licked and then spat on a child that he doesn't normally play with but he can't remember why he did it etc

I am just arrrgggghhh... as we are talking he is 'gurning' and flopping around. How much of this is a five year old and how much is potentially ASD? I jsut don't know. His teacher talked about silly noises he makes and otehr things and I did google and reading the list just listed nearly everything he doesSad I wish I had another adult to talk toSad



  • Hi QI, can you firstly make an appointment to chat it through with the teachers, find out if there is lots of incidents that concern them?  What was the outcome of the letter, do they want to speak to you about it or are they just informing you of his behaviour?  Sorry you have this worry x

  • It was sent to make me aware as they rightly assumed he wouldn't tell me what happened. At parents evening we discussed various things and a lot of it is happening more at home than at schhol (or I am aware of it more) At the moment they are just being aware of what is going on and making observations.

  • I've been in this exact position recently QI, after a meeting with Joshua's teacher about him getting easily distracted and a bit fixated on random stuff. Tbh, I've had thoughts about him being on the spectrum for a while but this made me think more about it. I've not done anything yet about diagnosis, not sure why - might be not really wanting to face it, although I'm also happy that at the moment it's not affecting his learning negatively. The flopping around and silly noises are definitely familiar here, and we have a lot of meltdowns at fairly minor stuff at the moment too.

    I'd definitely ask for an appointment with the teacher and/or SENCo for more discussion, and maybe worth a call to the Autism Society (I think that's what they are called) if you feel the need to discuss it with a more knowledgeable person.

    Keep talking, I can totally understand your worries x

  • Margot you have summed it up entirely how I feel.

    My Dad commented a while back about B's meltdowns that he couldn't understand why B didn't back down over some things that I had said no to because I never changed my mind so where did B get the idea that insisting would make it happen? Which in the light of ASD makes sense. His obsession with metal things in his mouth well past the age for oral fixation. His need for routine. His literal take on things. His lack of ability to cope with loud sounds. The repition. The noises when he eats. Etc etc etc etc But then I think is it just being five? Are some of them just behaviours that I exhibit? I looked on the Autism Society website and it confirmed my beliefs some what more.

  • iv no advice but didnt want to r & r. i  hope you can get it looked into with a positive outcome x

  • Its normal for young children not to tell you about things that have happened at school. We all talk about it (us parents). The behaviour?  Some of it matches with my nephew who is autistic but on the high fuctioning side - but it could be being 5. I do know that to diagnose they would observe from a variety of different situations. Lots of young children do have behaviours which could be on the spectrum but might not.

  • In reception year by the end of the Christmas term we had melt downs over little things including a full on throw on the floor tantrum which she hadn't done since she was 2. So meltdowns can be a sign of something or not too. It may just be a tired child at the end of a long term.

  • The not telling me what happened doesn't surprise me - I am just really upset it happened. I keep thinking how I would feel if it happened to B. He actually discussed with me at length what he had done at school - he just emitted the part about doing something inappropriate.

  • It's hard isn't it, to know what's normal five year old and what's not. Someone I knows son is on the spectrum but as his dad said aren't well all to some extent? Def worth speaking to professionals though, to get their take on it x

  • QI, I know what you mean about just being 5 (although I'll be saying it's just being 6 next week) - I wonder how much is just him being him. Will he grow out of it or will these quirks become more of an issue as he grows up? It's so hard to know what the right approach to take is. We have good weeks and bad weeks here, although his attention and behaviour at school is not an issue at the moment which encourages me.

  • QI, I think it can be really hard to tell sometimes what is just being a young child and what is on the spectrum, really only a qualified person can make that decision. Can you talk to Bs school about what point they might suggest an assesment?( I know it's hard try not to stress, half the academics I know would be on the spctrum if assesments had been around when they were young.) If B is ASD getting help early will help loads so it might be a posative school is keeping an e

  • Sorry I didn't mean to imply that the licking and spitting is not upsetting. My friend's daughter went through a phase of spitting at a similar age and spat at me once - right in front of her dad. Which I was shocked about at the time but I think it was because she got carried away (I was saying something silly to her) not with any malice. She just was still learning where to draw the line. Talk to the school about it and see what they say.

  • Can I join in the thread. We've had some concerns about Luke for some time but currently his quirks are put down to developmental delay and lack of sensory and life experiences due to his medical issues. he is very routine led- but living in hospital for over a year and being ruled by the clock to have regular medical procedures done on a daily basis may account for that? he seeks out objects as a sensory thing, for example when being fed he will have to hold something and be turning it around constantly. He picked his TAs lanyard card so that it split because she had given it him to hold during lunch time- but that might be because meal times are very anxiety inducing and he needs a release. He is still lining objects up in play. He can't leave the room if the toys aren't properly lined up. At his school induction in refused to leave the classroom because the plastic insects weren't lined up on the edge of the sand tray. he got incredibly frustrated that one kept falling back in the sand and refused to leave until he'd done it. they were ordering number cards and as the teacher tidied them up he grabbed them off an another child because she hadn't tidied them up in order. I had to interject and explain that he wasn't being difficult but he needed her to know that a card was out of place- but that might be because developmentally is still at this stage? he is over affectionate and sometimes pushy with other children, doesn't respect personal space, he like to take people's hands and give them things, sometimes this is misconstrued as him being over physical if they pull away- but he was non verbal for many years and used sign and gesture as way of communication so it might be a hang up from this. he is also hypermobile and has low tone so I know that being 'centred' and having control of his own body takes more effort. We have the licking, shouting and melt downs too. I wonder how much is a only child issue, or a new reception class tiredness thing but I also know he doesn't behave like other 5 year olds.

    Could you make an appointment with the senco for after Christmas and see if yours and their concerns are still there?

  • Well after talking to you guys last night (didn't read after my last reply - apologies to those that kindly joined in afterwards, wasnt ignoring you honest!) went into school tonight and had another chat with his teacher and have agreed to B being observed by the Educational Pyschologist when they are next in. His teacher asked me lots more questions and he does think B is on the spectrum BUT he said everyone is, it's just how far along. He feels that even if the Ed Pysch doesn't think B needs 'official' support he can still get advise on how to assist B. His example was that they don't test children for dyslexia until 7 but they still use the ideas behind supporting someone with dyslexia before then as it can help those that struggle. Hope that makes sense all.

  • carole I suspect B is hypermobile as well as I am and the why he bent his leg the othe day was way beyond the wya anyone should be able to !

  • Hi QI. I've been going through the exact same thing with N, he is also (very nearly) 5 and is being assessed for ASD. The psychologist has mentioned high functioning and that he is at the milder end. She is linked with the school and it was the teachers two years ago that first noticed some things and then each year the new teachers have noticed too. With him it's mainly that he can't concentrate well and is easily distracted although he is slowly getting better in recent weeks.  He also does silly noises and actions and can't sit still. I know every parent says that about their child but he really can't unless he's on the iPad which is a great tool for calming him down! He's not hyperactive but fidgety. He gets fixated on things and repeats questions constantly. Sometimes he will ask me a question, I answer it, he hears me and straightaway he asks again. I have to tell him that I've answered his question and he knows the answer. Most of the time he accepts that, occasionally he gets the hump. He can have a meltdown over seemingly nothing but to him it's a big deal eg.he noticed a new flag on a car number plate today (it's all about the flags at the moment!) but couldn't quite see it, he was so annoyed he dropped to the floor and burst into tears.

    Anyway,like you all have said some of what he does is normal behaviour for his age from watching him with his friends and speaking to other parents but some of it is the asd. I try to not analyse it too much. He is the way he is and I like the fact he's not quite 'normal', he has a great personality, he's so funny and he will see things in a different way to everyone else when he is older which could sometimesbe beneficial. The one thing worrying me at the moment is that his teachers aren't sure if he really understand how others feel if for example, he has taken something from them. They're not sure he shows remorse when being told off (he is the same at home,he doesn't care!)

    Will the school refer B to a psychologist for assessment?

  • Cheers LBSmile

    The repeating of questions does get annoying. But had assumed that was small child thing rather than ASD. The school are sorting out the Ed Pysch thingSmile

  • Sounds like you've got some good support at the school. My nephew will be 5 in a month or so. He was delayed in his speech and had to be taught in a different way to the way most of us learn which is by hearing and repeating. He didn't babble which is a key part of learning to speak. He finds social situations hard and doesn't like lots of noise. He's easily distracted and they are using strategies to help him with this at school. He probably doesn't have much imagination, doesn't understand imaginative play. He's academically bright and has the reading age of a 6 year old. But socially hes very young and there is a difference for those of us who know he's autistic between him and other children of a similar age. He likes order and to know whats next. This helps him to make sense of the world.  

  • Really pleased that you've found a way forward for now QI, I hope the EP is able to offer some support. Let us know how it goes, it's a route I may well take for J as well if things remain the same.

  • The teachers approach/atitude sounds really good, I agree with the who isn't on the spectrum comment to. Glad you have found a way forward with the situation

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