CW We've both said we'd sell the house ASAP in fact we've got someone coming to value next week just so we know where we stand. He wouldn't want to stay there and I fooking hate the place so would want rid. On the flip side to that we're thinking if we get through this and work at it a new start might be best for us so we will know what the house is worth and what we can mortgage to and get a new place if that's what we decide.
May be worth giving Ferbs a shout on the practicalities? Also if in doubt woth debts etc could be worth sounding put your creditors?
Re the weekend away, I would personally suggest going away on your own, just you and H, no family or distractions. Spend some time alone rediscovering what you loved about each other at the start iyswim?
Sorry you're going through this, we've had problems recently too so can imagine how your every waking thought is on this ATM.Big hugs x
I was thinking about this last night, I really think you two need some time away together alone. If you dont feel like you want to, you need some space away on your own too.
Can I be honest? It sounds to be like you have made up your mind, just not admitted it out loud. Tell me if I am wrong, I just get the feeling you are resigned to that, just from the tone of your posts. xx
I think the weekend away is a good idea, but on your own not with another couple. You'd want to have some serious chats and then to make small talk with another couple, whoever that may be, would be an effort and a strain. It wouldn't help.
The info that CW has given you - it CAN'T influence your decision. You can't stay and be unhappy just because of the house or financial implications or whatever.
But probably going to Relate first is going to help to try and draw out exactly what the issues are. You do a major thing taking on your H's kids full time (I have been thinking about this a lot recently as there are issues with H's ex and if it comes to a head stepson may come to live with us and I'm trying to sort out in my head how I'd deal with having him there full time and it'd be a massive adjustment that I don't know how I'd cope with). I suppose if you feel like you are doing nothing but supporting not only your H and L, but his kids too (sorry if I'm out of order or this sounds harsh to anyone) while not getting to have a life of your own without your H complaining about it and then not appreciating you even at occasions like birthdays andChristmas, then no wonder you are feeling as you do and wanting out. I would. BUT hopefully this is all the kind of things that Relate would be able to help address or find compromises etc.
If I'm way off the mark, please ignore me!
hugs though, it's a horrible place to be, I hope you can work out what would make you happy x
Weekender - you have very much hit the nail on the head for some of what's going on. Although I am not going into detail here, I hope people relise that we are very close to belle and her oh plus the kids. My advice comes from knowing them and more about the situation than most. We even first become kids cause of the step child situation. It's another added dimension to life which for most of us is already over complicated.
I don't think anything I say should influence belle but I am holding her hand and want her to be happy first and foremost
1stbaby - truthfully? I don't think her mind is made up, I think they need to find a path to follow, together or apart but for practical reasons belle is a trying to get her head straight
I think a weekend away is just what you need BUT on your own, especially not with your sister as in your last post you so said he hates your family. It sounds like you need time together to talk.
belle just wanted to say how sorry I am you are going through all this but I completely understand your need to plan everything through in your head. Im always preparing for the worst eventuality. I agree with yoyo a break away together would probably do you the world of good, but not at your sisters, some time away from everything and all other influences just you and him together. masive hugs x
Goodness CW, I didn't mean to imply that you didn't have her best interests, what I meant was decisions couldn't be based on the legal and financial side of things. Hope I haven't offended.
Replies
CW We've both said we'd sell the house ASAP in fact we've got someone coming to value next week just so we know where we stand. He wouldn't want to stay there and I fooking hate the place so would want rid. On the flip side to that we're thinking if we get through this and work at it a new start might be best for us so we will know what the house is worth and what we can mortgage to and get a new place if that's what we decide.
May be worth giving Ferbs a shout on the practicalities? Also if in doubt woth debts etc could be worth sounding put your creditors?
Re the weekend away, I would personally suggest going away on your own, just you and H, no family or distractions. Spend some time alone rediscovering what you loved about each other at the start iyswim?
Sorry you're going through this, we've had problems recently too so can imagine how your every waking thought is on this ATM.Big hugs x
Yep, I agree lovely, the house and living situation with the kids, is a large part of the the issue in my mind. It's all kind of snowballed.
Now I know a great little street in Essex.........
I was thinking about this last night, I really think you two need some time away together alone. If you dont feel like you want to, you need some space away on your own too.
Can I be honest? It sounds to be like you have made up your mind, just not admitted it out loud. Tell me if I am wrong, I just get the feeling you are resigned to that, just from the tone of your posts. xx
I think the weekend away is a good idea, but on your own not with another couple. You'd want to have some serious chats and then to make small talk with another couple, whoever that may be, would be an effort and a strain. It wouldn't help.
The info that CW has given you - it CAN'T influence your decision. You can't stay and be unhappy just because of the house or financial implications or whatever.
But probably going to Relate first is going to help to try and draw out exactly what the issues are. You do a major thing taking on your H's kids full time (I have been thinking about this a lot recently as there are issues with H's ex and if it comes to a head stepson may come to live with us and I'm trying to sort out in my head how I'd deal with having him there full time and it'd be a massive adjustment that I don't know how I'd cope with). I suppose if you feel like you are doing nothing but supporting not only your H and L, but his kids too (sorry if I'm out of order or this sounds harsh to anyone) while not getting to have a life of your own without your H complaining about it and then not appreciating you even at occasions like birthdays andChristmas, then no wonder you are feeling as you do and wanting out. I would. BUT hopefully this is all the kind of things that Relate would be able to help address or find compromises etc.
If I'm way off the mark, please ignore me!
hugs though, it's a horrible place to be, I hope you can work out what would make you happy x
Weekender - you have very much hit the nail on the head for some of what's going on. Although I am not going into detail here, I hope people relise that we are very close to belle and her oh plus the kids. My advice comes from knowing them and more about the situation than most. We even first become kids cause of the step child situation. It's another added dimension to life which for most of us is already over complicated.
I don't think anything I say should influence belle but I am holding her hand and want her to be happy first and foremost
1stbaby - truthfully? I don't think her mind is made up, I think they need to find a path to follow, together or apart but for practical reasons belle is a trying to get her head straight
Xxxx
I think a weekend away is just what you need BUT on your own, especially not with your sister as in your last post you so said he hates your family. It sounds like you need time together to talk.
belle just wanted to say how sorry I am you are going through all this but I completely understand your need to plan everything through in your head. Im always preparing for the worst eventuality. I agree with yoyo a break away together would probably do you the world of good, but not at your sisters, some time away from everything and all other influences just you and him together. masive hugs x
Goodness CW, I didn't mean to imply that you didn't have her best interests, what I meant was decisions couldn't be based on the legal and financial side of things. Hope I haven't offended.
No course you haven't weekender
I get what you were saying
Belle, I've just been playing catch up, I'm so sorry things are like this for you, I have no advice, but here for you