Would you ever force your child to take up a hobby?
Maybe force is a bit of a strong word. But would you make your child do something that they didn't want to do because you want them to do it, or in favour of long term benefits for them?
C has started mini rugby training. I've noticed a few kids there that clearly don't want to be. Yesterday one poor kid was sobbing and literally making himself sick at the sidelines because he didn't want to play but the Mum shouted at him "It's just because you're losing. I won't have any sore losers in my house." and she shoved him back on to the pitch!
Now don't get me wrong it might just be that that kid was playing his Mum up and he was having a bad day, he might like playing rugby the rest of the time. C has his moments where he tells me he's bored and wants to go but he always wants to come back the following week. But then I remembered when I was a kid my Dad forced me to go to hockey training. I HATED hockey. It was always at 10 on a Sunday in the winter - I was tired and cold and I hated hockey! He made me go for 3 or 4 seasons before realising that I had never and wouldn't ever enjoy playing hockey despite his best efforts. I've not played hockey since - makes me wonder what the point of it was. I wouldn't make my kids do something they didn't at least have a passing interest in. Would you?
Replies
No I wouldn't. That poor child being spoken to like that :-(
No way. Absolutely not.
Louie hates dressing up. Whenever he has t for nursery or parties he freaks out so we always go with either bare basic of a costume (Halloween is either scary PJs or legging black top and a cats tail) or he goes in his own clothes. I will never force anything onto a child they are not happy or comfortable doing.
Oh the poor boy :-(
No I wouldn't force and I have had this situation recently. My son did a term of football lessons Feb-June this year. I saw the flier for it and showed it to him, asked if he'd like to do it and he said, all excited. He seemed to love going, he was happy there but wasn't really following the instructions (something he has difficulty with) so he'd kind of just do his own thing apart from the occasional lesson where not many people turned up then with a smaller group he did everything perfectly. Anyway by the end of the term he was saying he didn't really want to go anymore and asking how many lessons he had left. He finished the term and I thought the summer break would make him miss it but when I asked again if he'd like to do more lessons he said no and looked all worried as though is make him. I would hate to force him, what's the point? I want a happy child not a moaning unhappy one. In the future when these things come up I will just see if he wants to do something, do a trial class if possible and take it from there.
My two nephews have constantly been signed up to every sport going and it's so tiring for them, they just spend their weekends going from one activity to another thanks to their control freak of a mother.
Another mum I know from school has her daughter doing an English class on a Wednesday morning followed by ballet and her daughter is not happy, very tired and having big tantrums about it. Wednesdays are the day off school here so I don't know why he doesn't just let her chill out and see how SHE wants to spend the day.
I was a bit
at the other Mum and had to move away from her in the end, it's certainly not something I'd say to my kids. I was hoping he was going to be sick on her shoes.
I asked E if she wanted to keep up her dance classes when she started secondary, she's been going for 5/6 years already and I thought she might think it was time for something new but she said she wanted to carry on. If she wanted to stop I'd be disappointed because she's really good at it so I might ask her to give it one last term and see if her attitude changed. But I wouldn't force her to go - I don't see the point.
I did actually have to persuade my daughter to go to the 1st session of Rainbows, she didn't want to go but I knew she'd love it (she gets worried about starting new things) so I talked her into it and said if she didn't like it after one session then she wouldn't have to go again. Anyway, she absolutely loved it and wishes it was on every night! But if she hadn't of enjoyed it I certainly wouldn't have made her go again. She did gymnastics just over a year ago and only did one term because she didn't really enjoy it that much, I didn't mind at all, don't see the point in paying for something they aren't getting anything out of and she hated the rush straight from school to the class. I remember I did dancing when I was young and I enjoyed it at first but after a few years hated it but was too worried to tell my mum that I didn't want to go anymore! I don't want it to be like that for my children.
No I wouldn't. I can't see the point in trying to force them to do something, and paying for the privilege of it too.
My daughter did ballet for a while. She enjoyed going but then she and her friend decided they'd rather do gymnastics instead. So we stopped the ballet. She did have one week when it was ballet when her friend had been ill and decided at the last minute that she didn't want to go. I made my daughter go because I knew when we got there she would enjoy it. But if she'd been crying and upset when we got there I would have taken her home again.So it is fine line.
There was one mum last term at gymnastics who really used to shout at her son because he got worked up inside the class and then wouldn't listen to anything. So he'd come out and she'd shout at him. But I suspect it was just tiredness - at the fact that they're quite little, this class being for 4 to 6 year olds.
I can't believe that woman stood letting her son puke and made him carry on! That would alarm me and I'd take him straight home.
I remember doing ballet straight after school on a Friday. I enjoyed it but stopped after a term as I was too hungry after school and my mum couldn't stand me moaning any longer
N's school offer drums lessons on a Wednesday morning and I think he would love the idea of it but not cope so much with the 'lesson' side of it, he's too young and would understandably just want to bang around rather than learn tunes so I haven't told him about them.
It depends. Not really the same but we had to.move aarons gymnastics recently and he spend the class at the new one crying.and shaking with his head in his hands. I felt awful. TIs week her raced in and was happy as larry. Not the same as he does like gymnastics just didnt like moving class.
Oh yeah, I've forced my son to do loads of stuff. Mainly things he said he wanted to do then bricked it. I know it's for his own good in the long run. I've never let him quit anything after the first go, always made him have a calm conversation away from things, long after the event, to explain and discuss and then we come to a conclusion together.
Viola lessons, cubs, rugby, photography club, water flume, joining in with kids at the local sand park, going to nursery, going to school, dentist. I wouldn't bully him when there, just expected him to carry out his commitment for a period of time (which was dependent on his age and the activity concerned) no matter how much he begged to be allowed to stop.
He's now a confident joiner-inner and often leads the way with his friends. He recently gave a presentation to 230 students and 12 staff at school to try and encourage others to join the local D of E group. Once upon a time he wouldn't say hello to people we knew in the supermarket, because he was too shy.
I'm a right meanie actually!!
I wouldn't force mine to take up any hobbies with the exception of swimming. Luckily h feels the same. They swim every Saturday and often moan about going but I see it more for life saving than a hobby. I will make them stay at lessons until they have developed a good technique so that they can use that skill later on for keeping fit too.
Any other hobbies then no. I will not force them. J aged 3 went to a football skills class for 2 terms, he was getting bored and disruptive so we pulled him our. L has been dancing for 18 months and I can see that she is losing interest so when she wants to stop she can.
Some kids in her class swim, do karate, tennis. I wonder if it's more for the parents than the kids. I certainly wouldn't enjoying ferrying them around to their classes!
Not sure it's forcing but L and I have been to swimming lessons from a few weeks old. I was adamant that they'd learn to swim as I can't and I really believe swimming is a very good skill to have. L is 4.5 and can swim independently, he just goes to swimming as he always has done iyswim, its like its the norm for him and he doesn't ever express any opinions that he doesn't want to go. I said to h that if one of us lost our job or money was extremely tight and we had to start cutting back then swimming would be the last to go, ie football and rugby would go first iyswim.
L goes to football and LOVES it, it was him who asked to go
He also occasionally does rugby, my friend found a rugby group, I asked L
If he wanted to go, he did so we went and have been a few times but not regularly. It's pay as you go so I don't mind
My sil did make our niece go to a group (can't remember what it was, maybe dancing?) nice had gone on and on about the group, sil took her to observe and then a taster session and all was well and she signed up for a term and bought the kit etc then niece said after 2 weeks she didnt like it, sil made her go for the term. Niece was never crying or upset, just a bit grumpy before the class, in the same situation I'd make my boys go (if it got to the point they were crying then obviously I wouldn't but I'd make them see it through for a term if I'd bought all the stuff)
I force my children to school and nursery every day so wouldn't be inclined to force them to do a hobby as well! However I would encourage them to try soemthing.
My nephew loves playign rugby but used to kick off big time if they were loosing so wonder in my SIL who would never force her kids to do anything might come across like the mum above, as they do get exaperated about him being a poor loser.
I'll not force anything on E. it's not fair on the LO and its not fair on the rest of the group either. My dad used to run a football team, one little lad (they were under 5) hates it, but his dad used to make him come every Saturday for two hours! So as soon as his dad left my dad would let him go off to the side of the pitch where he'd "play armies" shooting at the other kids with his imaginary shotgun!
My h was made to do karate, he loved it at first, then got bored but his dad made him as he was absolutely brilliant at it, he was black belt aged 9. Now he looks back, he knows it was absolutely the right thing.. But, still wouldn't do it to E.
That's the situation where I made my son go for the full term even if he was crying. Kids don't like being seen like that so he'd soon pack it in, but if he was adamant he wanted to go then changed his mind I forced him to keep going. No matter how upset he was. Especially as money was very tight back then and so I didn't take throwing money away lightly.
I wonder if my husband realises just how strict I am. He says he's all good with it but it could get interesting when the little one shows up.
Yes my son was pretty introvert and I was always really shy throughout school so I'm afraid I made him go to things and join in as I felt it was best for him in the long run. I hated being so shy, I would rather have him fitting in and having friends than being top of the class, I don't push him academically at all!
He's never been as upset as you describe though, more like he needed a bit of a push to do things.
He's happy to do anything now and has lots of friends so I feel like I've done a good job :-)
Well aged three I guess that my E doesn't really choose to go to the drama class I send her to but if she was obviously really unhappy I'd take her out. I was 'forced' to do things when I was younger but I was very shy and I hated it all. My two dint seem to have this shyness issue and seem keen to try anything so I'm hoping I won't have this issue. Admittedly I'd like to encourage them to do stuff, J especially as he has sooo much energy to burn and it makes him really hard work at home if he doesn't use it constructively.