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I want to have a child but I'm afraid for my life

Hello, ladies! I'm a young woman and I think I'm ready to become a mum. I've always wanted a child however there's something that makes me feel uneasy about it and it's rooted in the tragic past of the women of my family. My grandmother died while giving birth to my mother and my mother died while giving birth to me. And even though I want to have a child, I'm afraid to continue this awful pattern.

I don't know that much about my grandmother's case but if I think about it, I can think of some reasons for such outcome. It happened in the sixties, maybe medicine wasn't developed very much at that time and also my grandma was in her fourties when she was giving birth for her first child - my mum - so maybe her age also had something to do with it.

However, I can't find any explanation as to why my mum died, because she was a young woman, 26 years old, with no health problems. She died from bleeding out on the table.

My friends tell me not to be superstitious, that it was just a misfortune and that now medicine is very well developed. Yes, I agree that that it might be just an unhappy coincidence but if you were in my place, you'd worry too, wouldn't you? I really want to become a mother but I don't want to die, I know what it's like to grow up without a mum and I don't want to let my child to experience this as well.

What would you advise me? I'm seeing my gynecologist regularly, I'm healthy but so was my mum. Maybe I don't want a child strongly enough if I care for my own life that much?


  • Sonia,

    do you want to hear a nice story?

    I have always been an ill child. I have a congenital heart condition that made me undergo several surgical interventions.

    I married a wonderful man that accepted my condition: we were sure we would lead our life just the two of us and make the best of it.

    The time came when I got worse, and my cardiologist pushed me to have another surgery. Everything was well, finally I could enjoy my life!

    When I got pregnant, it was a shock: I was ready to live MY life, not another one's.

    But having a son has been the real blessing of it all.

    However, I still face the fact that tomorrow I could stop feeling well and having problems (already happened, I had to be hospitalized for a few days when my prince was just 4, my husband was really really worried), but I know now that having a baby the best thing I could ever do.

    Think about it: zillions of people are perfectly healthy, than BAM! a car accident changes their lives and their relatives too.

    Don't be so worried, give the love you have for your mum to another person, the one you will love most

    Be brave, you won't regret.

  • Hi 

    There is no time like the present . You should never be afraid for what may happen other wise we would all be living lives of regret , and we would all wonder what would of happen if we took that  chance( this will probably not make sense ) all I can really say is if you have dreams just go for them! 

  • Always remember adoption is an option

  • Sonia, I completely understand what you mean. I haven't had a family member die in childbirth but I have always been irrationally afraid of it happening to me. I always knew I was a haemophilia carrier but I found out this year (shortly before I got pregnant with my first) that I am a symptomatic carrier with 30% of the normal level of blood clotting factor, and this means I will likely need treatment to prevent bleeding as soon as I have given birth. It does scare me but I'm just trying not to think about it too much right now. 

    I think if you feel ready you should just go for it. When you are pregnant you can talk to your midwife about your fears and make sure your birth plan is exactly as you want it to be. I think medicine has advanced so much even since your mum gave birth to you, and even if anything does go wrong, then hospital is the place you want to be! But I agree that there's no time like the present. 

  • hye i'm new user of your website.


    jessica patel

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