Christmas Jokes to cheer us all up?

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty !



  • oh my god Simone,
    they really are bad cracker jokes.
    Ive just told them to ant and our friend and was told i should be ashamed even reading them aloud! hehehehe.
    ill have to remember them when we've all finished dinner on xmas day.

    Kas xx
  • Do you keep your cracker jokes Simone?!

    Jack thought some of them were funny but he is 4 and a half!!

    If I think of any i'll be back.

    Zoe xx
  • What does Jack frost get for Christmas day?
    A freezer!

    Whats brown and sneaks around the kitchen?
    Mince spies!

    What happened to the man who shop lifted a calendar at christmas?
    He got 12 months!

    What do you get if you eat christmas decorations?

    How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
    Deep and crisp and even!!
  • Hehehe, especially like the mince spies!!
  • Daniel just read them over my shoulder, and thought they were very funny. He really liked santa paws one.
  • Ants offering:

    What is the name of Santas wife?
    Mary Christmas (boom boom)

    Kas wont let me put in a joke about santas sack so you will have to ask for it

    will reply when I think of more

  • Very Good Ant!!!!!
  • Not sure if i will get away with this, but pp can always remove it!

    How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
    They both have ornamental balls.

    Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
    Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
  • Hehehehe, very good Simone, I like them!!
  • Hehe Simone!!!
  • I must admit i do cheat, i googled it!
  • Go on then Ant..... lets have a look at santa's sack!!!!!!!
    Oops I mean a read of santa's sack!
  • Very good girls!

    I have to say Simone's rude ones are the best!!!!!
  • hi its ant

    the sack gag was very similar to simones so I wont repeat it


    What do you call a snowman in July?
    A puddle (bu,dum ching)
  • Very funny Ant, just getting up of the floor!lol
  • lol,love it.

  • where do snowmen go to dance?
    Snow balls!

    what happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snow boy?
    she gave him the cold shoulder!
  • Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell!
    Just take these pills - and, if they don't work, give me a ring!

    Nurse! I want to operate. Take this patient to the theatre.
    Ooh! good! I love a nice pantomime at Christmas!

    Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange!
    Have you tried playing squash?

    Father Christmas: Doctor, Doctor I feel so unfit
    Doctor: You need to go to an elf farm

    Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep.
    Try lying on the edge of your'll soon drop off!

    Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas
    Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

    My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it!
    Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera
  • Very funny Caroline lol
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions