here it goes, my 100th post and i need some advise.

on depression in pregnancy.
i know i shouldn't feel down, but i do, i don't know why thou. my husbands depressed and he's getting me down, but he's been depressed for years and it's never bothered me so don't think it's him,
it's not the kids, there great, or home life. maybe money worrys as we have none, but we never did have money.
i feel so alone at times, just like no one wants to be my friend and when i have the next baby i don't think anyone will want to talk to me. but in real life, that won't be as true as i think it's going to be.
i still have some wits about me to know all my fears are not going to turn out to be true and things are ok. i just dont feel ok.
so question is, how do i deal with this?
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Posts

  • Hi Kristy,
    I'm so sorry you are feeling like this.
    Its quite possibly your hormones making you feel this way.
    At least you can come on here and have a moan/chat and get things off your chest.
    Try to think positive and start getting things ready for the new baby(read your post re; pg diary) some really great ideas.
    you could start planning things now.
    You know, what clothes you can keep and then theres your scan coming up. Do you or dont you find out the baby's sex.
    So much for you to look forward to.
    Hope you are feeling better/happier soon.
    You can always talk to us. If you feel things are not improving, speak to youe mw before you start feeling too bad.
    Take care and any time you need to talk we are always here for youxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    lucy x
  • Hi hun

    Its hard,not sure how you deal with it realy.
    When i was preggers i loved life and my job but ended up off for 2weeks with pregnancy depression(whatever that is)and then adi came out of work with his back and he started to get depressed about being stuck at home and unable to support his family,it got o bad he started getting realy bad headachs and had to see a nurologist.
    It was all put down to worry with the pregnancy.Once riley was born everything seemed to get easier and adi was very thankful that he got to spend the first months with riley.

    I really dont no what to tell you, but i kinda no how you feel.
    We are all hear to listen whenever you need a rant.

    xx
  • aw lucy what a lovely post, it's made me cry. god it's got to be hormones if i'm crying cos you've been nice to me.
    yeh were going to find out the sex if we can. thanks for post x
  • it does help to know i'm not the only one rileysmum thanks
  • Kristy, just sent you a private message
  • I Kristy, I agree that it is probably your hormones. When I was pregnant with Luka I was so panicky that I had made an awful mistake and I wouldn't cope with two babies under two!! But then you just do, and each day everything seems a bit easier. I still get lonely now, I find it really hard meeting people and hate going to toddler groups etc, with no friends!!!
  • Morning Kristy.
    I hope that you are feeling a bit better this morning?
    Just remember when you are feeling lonely, that we are all here for you.
    Take care

    x
    x
  • Hi Kristy,

    I'm sorry to hear your not feeling good, but you are not alone. Well done for talking to us about it, it's far better than keeping it to yourself.

    I didn't get depression during pregnancy but I did suffer after having Charlotte. I felt like people were critiscising me all the time and just seeing the worst in me. It was my hormones playing a horrible game with me, but the worst thing I did was not tell anyone. It just built up until one day and I spent the whole day crying saying I was worthless and useless and everyone new it, etc. James had no idea until that point and wasn't sure how to deal with me. He just kept reassurring me and he went out and got me some flowers. It made him realise that maybe he should phrase things better so not to offend me, also once things got better he noticed a difference in me but hadn't realised what it was he just thought i was moody.

    I really do think you should speak to someone who will be sympathetic, your midwife or GP could be a good choice. But we are always here for you to let off steam and if it's personal and you don't want everyone to read it just pm someone, please do not keep it bottled up.

    Thinking of you,

    Zoe xx
  • aaah Zoe, that message just made me cry! I was the same when I had Luka, I thought I was getting PND but was just a really bad case of the baby blues!! My partner was really good and supportive and we came through it together.
  • Hi Nicola,

    I didn't mean to upset anyone, for you though it was obviously close to home. I hope things are ok for you now. I must admit I wish I had come on this site sooner, I was feeling so alone and now have loads of great cyber friends that I can chat to til all hours and not feel judged by what I say.

    Like you though I still don't go to toddler groups, I go to one once a month( that's when it's on) and I feel comfortable there so make sure I go, but I don't go to soft play or things. With Jack starting school there are a few of us with younger children who will also be in the same school year, we are starting to meet up and that's good.

    Anyway, always here for a chat. xx
  • Thanks Zoe!! I go to Toddler group etc, but only for the boys!! I had more friends when Tom was little as I went to ante natal and stuff. Because of the big age gap, and the fact that two of my best friends moved right away I felt really on my own with Tate. It wasn't so bad, but I felt like I needed more support when I had Luka. Things are looking up now and im making more of an effort.
  • That sounds wonderful x
  • boo that sounds great, defo up my street, i love painting and art as well. never herd of anything like it in my area though.
    going to do a little search on it now though to see if there is anything.
    i do feel a bit better today, had a weight lifted off my shoulders, a health problems i've been dealing with is no longer a problem. got a mitral vaule prolaspe and it's no worse so that means no operatoins and life can just be as normal as life is.
    still don't feel quite right, but do feel lighter iykwim?
    think homrones are evil things at the mo, just hoping this is a short term thing. Zoe i did try to tell my midwife but she just brushed it off and said it was best to leave things like depression off my notes as it'll cause other problems later on down the line with soical services. thats basical scared me out of talking to people around me in real life as i don't want hassel.
  • Hi Kristy,
    Glad you are feeling better today, it is hard work anyway being pregnant with a toddler, so remember you are doing a great job. Not the most helpful comment from your midwife though!! Remember you can always talk to someone here, I find it a great support. Take care
    xx
  • Kristy, your mw's comment is shocking. She can leave it off your notes for now but could at least offer some help or advice.
    Its a jolly good job you have us girls on pp to chat to.
  • Hi Kristy,

    I'm glad that one weight has been lifted off your shoulders for the time being.
    I was really cranky and cried a lot in the first trimester with Hollie. I argued with Ian over little petty things constantly and really felt like leaving him. I resented the fact that i was pregnant despite Hollie being planned and very much wanted. I am so glad we got through it and he put up with me as now we are stronger than ever and hardly ever argue. When i fell pregnant with Hollie i had been living with Ian for my 3 week uni christmas holidays. I then had to return to uni 400miles away from Ian in january and hated being away from him. So 4 days into the new term i made an appointment to meet my lecturer and signed the paperwork to quit uni. Ian came and got me that night. He drove up 9 hours, reached me at 10pm packed the car and drove back to his....another 9 hours. But, i know it sounds corny, when i saw him and he gave me a hug i knew i had made the right choice.

    I was living 14miles away from my parents house, and they thought i was still in uni for the next month until i found the courage to tell them. By that time i had found out i was pregnant and told them the news, and that i had quit uni. To this day they still think that i quit because i was pregnant and that Hollie was an accident. They paid so much and worked so hard to get me through uni, and i quit in my 3rd year. So i couldnt throw it back in their face and tell them Hollie was planned. Ian was supposed to move up to me and i was going to carry on with uni and have Hollie. But things didn't work out like that.

    Anyway because of the big upheavel, and losing all my friends i had made in uni, i struggled through the first trimester. I used to get days where i thought i had made the wrong choice. But i cried my way through and we came out the other end with a lovely baby. I didn't tell Ian how i was feeling and he still doesnt know that i sometimes regretted quitting. I also feel like i am cheating Hollie somehow by allowing people to think she is another accident baby. I love her to bits and Ian and i know she was planned but it always plays in the back of my mind. Once people had accepted that i wasn't going back to uni and that i was staying with Ian i started to relax more. I also had the added anxiety to have a girl. My mother has 5 grandsons and only one grandaughter, 2 with Hollie, but the night before my scan she told me i hope it is a girl. It made me terrified to go to my scan, not excited like i should have been. I dreamt that night that she was a baby with 2 sexes and had a really bad nights sleep. I started to enjoy pregnancy after that, but i don't know what i would have done if she was a boy. It was really wrong of my family to put pressure on me like that, it made me feel if she was a boy she wouldnt be loved.

    Anyway i'm sorry iit's long. I just wanted to say you are not alone with pregnancy depression. And i hope you can start to enjoy from now on.

    We are always here when you need to chat xxx
  • Oooops sorry that was long.
  • Wow Karen. If there is a prize for the longest post then it goes to you.
    I can understand how you feel with Hollie not being an accident but having to pretend she was.
    She can be told your special secret when she's older.
    I think its a lovely story.
  • wow Karen, what a lovely story. Hollie is a very lucky girl, you clearly adore her just from the posts on here I can tell that!!
  • Talking about things to do and trying to meet new people,rileys school has just started a course for parents called story sacks/Lit.Its and extra english coures and story thing,it started on wed and it seems to be great fun,the other mums seem great to,all kids of different ages.We are even going to make our own story sack over the next 12 weeks.

    Does anyones school or nusery offer any courses.
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