🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Sad news :(
Hey ladies,
I couldnt be more sorrier that i am having to write this!
As some of you know i was expecting my 2nd set of twins in October but i have had some discharge for about a week that i hadnt been able to see anyone about and it turned into bleeding yesterday =( At about 4pm i
was bleeding quite a bit so i went to the doctors and demanded to be seen there and then and they squeezed me in!
I had to then go to A&E and sit for an HOUR bleeding heavily until the triage nurse saw me and sent me straight to maternity.
They looked at me and basically said they would scan me to see what was happening. I held my breathe as she
put the probe over my tummy with Sam sitting beside me and i heard a faint heartbeat i almost let a sigh of relief.
The sonographer said im sorry but theres only one heart beat and its very slow
i dont think there is anything to be done
I just started sobbing and i dont really rmember what any of the doctors said after that!
They asked me if i wanted a D&C or let it happen naturally i chose the natural option
and they wanted to keep me in as i was losing a fair amount of blood! (More than 2 sanitary towels in 3 hours) I didnt have to wait long though
because by 10pm i had 'passed' both the twins and they actually looked like babies I probly shudnt of looked but i couldnt help it!
Sorry if this is tmi for anyone.
They also told me that they were ID as they shared the same placenta
and they dated me again a week later than i saw so 12+3 not 11+3 =(
I cant believe this has happened i did everything i was supposed to do taking the vitimans and everything!
I kind of blame myself for letting the dishcharge go unoticed ive no idea if its linked to the m/c
but i do feel bad for not having it checked
Sam is absolutely distraught i was allowed home at lunchtime and we have been offered counselling for this
but presently do not feel able to take it up!
I just cant believe i am writing this, it wasnt meant to be like this i just feel so empty it happened so quickly and i feel so powerless! Just 2 days ago we were all celebrating the news of 2 new additions and now were all mourning for two angels we will never know =(
Im sorry to have posted so much i didnt intend to worry or upset anyone i just really dont understand why this happens to ANYONE!
I guess i was truly blessed and my angels were just too special for earth but that doesnt bring much comfort. Sam blames himself for not taking the stress away but he has been amazing i just hope we can get through this together! I dont know how to explain to the girls what has happened either how can i explain something i dont even understand myself!!
To all you ladies who have suffered to horror of a miscrriage or still birth my heart truly goes out to you and you are inspirational to be able to be so positive and brave to have another pregnancy!
I hope i can be brave too!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I couldnt be more sorrier that i am having to write this!
As some of you know i was expecting my 2nd set of twins in October but i have had some discharge for about a week that i hadnt been able to see anyone about and it turned into bleeding yesterday =( At about 4pm i
was bleeding quite a bit so i went to the doctors and demanded to be seen there and then and they squeezed me in!
I had to then go to A&E and sit for an HOUR bleeding heavily until the triage nurse saw me and sent me straight to maternity.
They looked at me and basically said they would scan me to see what was happening. I held my breathe as she
put the probe over my tummy with Sam sitting beside me and i heard a faint heartbeat i almost let a sigh of relief.
The sonographer said im sorry but theres only one heart beat and its very slow
i dont think there is anything to be done
I just started sobbing and i dont really rmember what any of the doctors said after that!
They asked me if i wanted a D&C or let it happen naturally i chose the natural option
and they wanted to keep me in as i was losing a fair amount of blood! (More than 2 sanitary towels in 3 hours) I didnt have to wait long though
because by 10pm i had 'passed' both the twins and they actually looked like babies
I probly shudnt of looked but i couldnt help it!Sorry if this is tmi for anyone.
They also told me that they were ID as they shared the same placenta
and they dated me again a week later than i saw so 12+3 not 11+3 =(
I cant believe this has happened i did everything i was supposed to do taking the vitimans and everything!
I kind of blame myself for letting the dishcharge go unoticed ive no idea if its linked to the m/c
but i do feel bad for not having it checked
Sam is absolutely distraught i was allowed home at lunchtime and we have been offered counselling for this
but presently do not feel able to take it up!
I just cant believe i am writing this, it wasnt meant to be like this i just feel so empty it happened so quickly and i feel so powerless! Just 2 days ago we were all celebrating the news of 2 new additions and now were all mourning for two angels we will never know =(
Im sorry to have posted so much i didnt intend to worry or upset anyone i just really dont understand why this happens to ANYONE!
I guess i was truly blessed and my angels were just too special for earth but that doesnt bring much comfort. Sam blames himself for not taking the stress away but he has been amazing i just hope we can get through this together! I dont know how to explain to the girls what has happened either how can i explain something i dont even understand myself!!
To all you ladies who have suffered to horror of a miscrriage or still birth my heart truly goes out to you and you are inspirational to be able to be so positive and brave to have another pregnancy!
I hope i can be brave too!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
0
Replies
I am so very sorry for your double loss.
Please don't blame yourself though. By the sounds of it there is nothing you could have done/not done to prevent this. Don't make yourself feel even worse by blaming yourself for something that is out of your control.
I totally agree with you that the ladies who have losses and then go on to get pregnant again, are inspirational. I guess with time you may feel able to do so too. Its not something to think about right now though. You need time to heal, to reflect and most of all to grieve.
Your OH sounds amazing and together you will get through this. My mum once told me something when I was going through a very rough patch in life. She said 'all things pass in time' I was mad at the time with her as I wanted to wallow in self pity and loathing but, she was right. Life throws us some shit hands but eventually things will feel better and you will be planning another pregnancy. Just do things in your own time and talk to your OH, family and close friends.
Your 2 angels will be there with you in your heart for as long as you live. Just because you cant physically hold them does not mean you cant talk about them and keep their memory alive.
(((hugs)))) rest up and get well soon.
d xx
take care sweetheart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx