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Just been diagnosed with depression :-(
Hi girls
Well i went to see my GP yesterday after feeling really tearful and low for the past few weeks. Its got to the point where all i want to do is sleep, i have been in tears every morning begging my OH to stay home with me because i hate the thought of being at home on my own with the kids, i've not been out or seen anyone unless i absolutely have to, my head aches constantly, and i keep fainting. When i got in there i just sobbed, i felt so bloody stupid! He was really nice, i had to fill out a questionnaire, a tick the box kind of thing about how i'm feeling etc and he said i scored high, which is not good. We had a long chat about all sorts of things (i guess he was just trying to see my reactions) and he said he doesnt think its PND, he thinks its a stress/anxiety type of thing linked to Lucas problems. So he's referred me for counselling and has told me to think about taking some anti depressants. I've got to go back in 2 weeks to let him know what i've decided to do.
I can't believe its come to this, i've always been a coper and have always thought that if you just carry on that things will work out on their own, but at the moment i just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Every time we feel like we're getting somewhere with Luca there's another setback and we're back to square one again. I don't know whether i want the anti depressants or not. OH says i should, and at the moment i just want to feel better, but i'm worried that once i start down that road i'll never get off them? I'm thinking maybe i could see if the counselling helps first, but the GP warned me that due to a new referral system i might be waiting for a few months to get an appointment, so i don't know if its wise to just carry on as i am?
Sorry its a bit of a pointless post, i just wanted to get it all off my chest. I hate talking to friends and family about stuff like this, and i know if i do they'll be doing everything they can to help out, which i think at the moment might just make me feel even worse? I dont want people to think i cant cope, even if that is the truth!
No need to reply, just wanted to write it all down xxxx
Well i went to see my GP yesterday after feeling really tearful and low for the past few weeks. Its got to the point where all i want to do is sleep, i have been in tears every morning begging my OH to stay home with me because i hate the thought of being at home on my own with the kids, i've not been out or seen anyone unless i absolutely have to, my head aches constantly, and i keep fainting. When i got in there i just sobbed, i felt so bloody stupid! He was really nice, i had to fill out a questionnaire, a tick the box kind of thing about how i'm feeling etc and he said i scored high, which is not good. We had a long chat about all sorts of things (i guess he was just trying to see my reactions) and he said he doesnt think its PND, he thinks its a stress/anxiety type of thing linked to Lucas problems. So he's referred me for counselling and has told me to think about taking some anti depressants. I've got to go back in 2 weeks to let him know what i've decided to do.
I can't believe its come to this, i've always been a coper and have always thought that if you just carry on that things will work out on their own, but at the moment i just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Every time we feel like we're getting somewhere with Luca there's another setback and we're back to square one again. I don't know whether i want the anti depressants or not. OH says i should, and at the moment i just want to feel better, but i'm worried that once i start down that road i'll never get off them? I'm thinking maybe i could see if the counselling helps first, but the GP warned me that due to a new referral system i might be waiting for a few months to get an appointment, so i don't know if its wise to just carry on as i am?
Sorry its a bit of a pointless post, i just wanted to get it all off my chest. I hate talking to friends and family about stuff like this, and i know if i do they'll be doing everything they can to help out, which i think at the moment might just make me feel even worse? I dont want people to think i cant cope, even if that is the truth!
No need to reply, just wanted to write it all down xxxx
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Replies
My mum suffered really badly with it about 10 years ago now and she had councelling and anti depressents. I know the anti depressents seem like the easy and quick option, but they're not. My mum was really ill for the first few months on them, she was sick and had bad migraines. She had councelling for about a year and then she started coming off the anti depressents, but it was a long long road to actually being off them completely. But they did make her completely better and she was a different person about 3 months after being diagnosed, she was like my mum again. The doctors were so good with her.
Then on to me, I had a still born baby last year and was diagnosed with PND which was pretty difficult to handle at the same time as grieving my baby, I didn't have anti depressents (only because hubby and I wanted to try again as soon as we could) so I had counselling. I saw a lady who was amazing!! We talked about everything, not just the baby btu about my childhood and my family etc. the GP said he would refer me, but it would take a while so I got in touch with someone who saw me privately until my referal from the GP came through and by the time it did I only needed a coupe more sessions so just stuck with the private one. Worth looking into if you can, ask the doctor for some recommendations of people. We went to meet a few before we picked one I liked. I think it cost about ??20 a session and I had one a week for a few months. And worth every penny, I owe my marriage and being pregnant again now to her and I could never thank her enough.
You are so strong for everything you do for your family and so brave to admit you need help.
Feel free to email me anytime, I really am happy to help. xxxxx
I've had a few days to mull it all over, and i think i'll go with the anti depressants for now and hopefully with the counselling it will help me get back to my old self, because i really hate feeling like this! I've been trying to cheer myself up with little things, like making an effort with my appearance, trying to lose some weight etc, so i'm hoping that might help. All silly things, but i just need to stop wallowing in self pity as i'm sure its making me worse. I confided in one of my friends and she's been brilliant, she's been round a few times, and dragged me to the park etc (which i must admit felt great once i'd got there and was running around with Luca while she watched Bella, as i didnt have time to panic!)
Vickic, i'm so very sorry to hear about your angel, I cant imagine how awful a time that must have been for you. I wish you well with your pregnancy xxxxx
Anti depressants are a toughie...Ive been on and off them since I was 14 and they have never agreed with me and made me feel ill, but then there are some people who take them and feel great. It's just one of these things you have to try
I have recently been having some second thoughts about trying anti depressants again - the longest I have gave them was 2 weeks but the physical effects of depression are so hard to live with and the past year I have developed a binge eating disorder so along with gaining weight at the speed of light and feeling tired and horrible constantly - its hard to live with!
Anyway...Im going on about myself. Getting help is the first and hardest step and you have done that so well done you! I hope you start to feel better soon *hug* xxx
So this time I was bluntly honest with the doc and said I need to go back on tablets, and stronger ones. I've been on them for about 3/4 months now and I'm feeling a lot better. Try not to think you'll be on them forever hun, just know that they will help you get a bit of your old self back in the here and now.
I've just had my 1st counselling session today and it was really good, even though I blubbed through most of it and had to walk home after with a red swollen face! I've been waiting quite a while for the appointment but I think it will be worth it. Get your name down as soon as you can.
Good luck hun, I'm glad you've felt brave enough to see your doc, I sometimes think that's the hardest thing to do. I hope you lo is okay as well, I'm not sure what health problems he has but it must be tough on you.
xxx
I thought I would just share with you how I have dealt with three bouts of depression and hopefully give you a bit of an insight into the drugs/counselling approach.
I first suffered with depression about 5 and a half years ago. I didn't know what was wrong with me and thought I had gone mad! I went onto antidepressants and felt much better after a month or so, although they made me quite drowsy. I stayed on tablets for a couple of years and slowly weaned myself off them under the guidance of the doctor. I then moved away from home and lost a very close family friend and this triggered my 2nd bout about 3 years ago, I went back onto tablets - citalopram this time which didn't make me drowsy as the other tablets had. I also looked into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and started seeing a counsellor in my area. This cost ??35 a session but I came off the tablets and was learning how to change my thinking patterns which is a big part of beating depression. My partner then did not have a job and I had to stop seeing the CBT counsellor for financial reasons. Back on the tablets for me!
Now I have found out that I am pregnant and - this sounds terrible but it has brought on my 3rd bout of depression. I know most of you will think I am awful but it has come at quite an inconvenient time as I am getting married in August and am due in May and this just doesn't fit with my plan for things!
I stopped taking my tablets as soon as I found out and am currently off work. I am very fortunate to have been offered free therapy through work. This is with a Human Givens practitioner. (go to humangivens.com for info) I have not had my first proper session yet but I have been given a book to read that explains why people suffer from depression and goes through steps to help yourself. You can buy it for ??9.99 from http://www.humangivens.com/publications/how-to-lift-depression-fast.html or on amazon. I don't know if this approach is going to work or not but I am very hopeful. I have found the book very useful so far.
I would say that antidepressants are brilliant and allow you to function normally but they don't solve the problem so I would go for the tablets until you can afford/access some decent therapy.
I am finding it really hard at them moment as noone at work knows why I am off as I haven't told anyone that I'm pregnant. I will be able to tell them in a couple of weeks as first scan is tomorrow. I do not want anyone to know that I suffer with depression - I know that the stigma will never go away unless people are open about it and allow others to understand but i won't be doing that!! (bad experiences in the past with telling people - they either think you're mental or a skiver). I have no idea what I am going to tell people why i have been off as it's so hard to just say mind your own business!
Hope that helps a little bit
x