Please Don't judge Me

Samantha24 · Apr 23, 2007 10:54AM

Hi I am 30 weeks pregnant, 31 tomrrow. For the last 24 weeks I have battled with trying to stop smoking. I really have tried and I am still determined to quit. Please help me! What I need is support. I quit easily as soon as I found out I was pregnant with my son and started smoking again after he was born. I never smoked around him though.
When I fell pregnant I didn't quit straight away because I so didn't want to miscarry and I was worried that the stress of quitting could cause me to in the first week. I set a quit date for six weeks pregnant and failed. Since then I have tried everyday except for my oh days off. He smokes and it is hard for me not to smoke.
There have been times when I have done quite well and not smoked till evening but only once I have gone over 24hrs. I have cried so much over this. I have posters up in my kitchen about smoking. The guilt I feel means I haven't enjoyed my pregnancy at all yet. How can I when I am going against everything that I believe in. I am not silly. I know all the risks, and have really looked into all the toxins in the smoke and understand what I am doing to my unborn child.
You may wonder why I haven't been able to stop if this is the case. Well at the moment I can not make decisions and see them through. I am depressed at the moment. Have tried telling my doctor she's no help. Hasn't even offered me counselling. I told the smoking cessation midwife. She wasn't much use as she stopped seeing me in the begging of January.
I'm not that badly depressed I can handle it and have taken steps to combat it. I feel so lonely and isolated especially as I moved into the area I live July last year and my friend moved away in the winter. So I have no friends within 20miles and we don't drive. I have a crap family and they live hundreds of miles away. I can go days on end without seeing someone who is actually interested in me other than my husband. That makes it harder to quit cos I seem to smoke out of loneliness. I have recently joined an antenatal group in a desperate bid to make friends. My husband and I argue regularly and he bears grudges for ages and that makes it hard to not smoke. I have been that desperate to stop that I resent his days off from work and have thought about getting him to move out for a week so I can quit.
I would like to make a pledge that after the cigarette I will smoke after posting this not to smoke again. Please support me people and please don't judge me. You can't judge me more than I do myself. Thanks:\(

EnglebertW_nkface · Apr 12, 2007 3:14PM

Hi Samantha, I am sorry you are feeling so low. Please don't beat yourself up too much about your smoking, it is obvious that you are doing the best that you can and if you are managing to last untill the evening then at least you must be smoking less than you were. I really think that your husband should be supporting you more, have you tried suggesting that he gives up as well? I can only imagine how difficult it must be if someone else is smoking around you. I think you should go back to your doctor as well, not for help with your depression if you feel that is under control, but for help with the smoking, surely he can refer you to someone for some help or prescribe patches or something to help. I know that these are not ideal during pregnancy but they must be better than the smoking. I think you are probably right that being lonely makes it easier to smoke, I always used to smoke more when I was bored or miserable. This may not help, or you may have already tried it, but as you clearly want to stop so much have you tried doing something else whrn you get the urge to smoke? I was thinking that if you looked at your scan pictures, or folded baby clothes or something that it might remind you why you want to stop so much and maybe make it easier to resist temptation. I hope that something here has helped you, or at least made you feel a bit better, I wouldn't dream of judging you and I am sure that no one else on here will either. Take care, Kerry xx P.S. Your little boy is a real cutie, how old is he?

Annieuk76 · Apr 12, 2007 3:28PM

I'm so glad that someone has brought up this topic as I have been struggling with this myself. I am 20 weeks and have yet to give up smoking. I always said that when I fell pregnant I would give up, but it has been so hard. To begin with when I fell pregnant I was in a really stressful job and then 4 weeks ago I was made redundant. We are really struggling financially and the first thing I reach for are the cigarettes! We had our 20 week scan today and I thought that this could be the time to give up. All the checks were fine and baby is at the right measurements which hasn't helped. I won't judge you as I would be judging myself. Keep your chin up

Suzaie2 · Apr 12, 2007 3:41PM

Hi Samantha, I know exactly what you are going through, I was a smoker at the start of my pregnancy and really battled to give up. Do you know you can use nicotine replacement products during pregnancy? You are still getting nicotine, which isn't great, but not all the chemicals in a cigarette. I found patches quite good, but started with step 2 patches instead of step 1, and I also used the inhalator when I was having a bad craving, so you get a little bit extra to help you through a bad moment. Unfortunately being pregnant doesn't make nicotine any less addictive. You can buy patches on ebay so the are a bit cheaper than the chemists.
I know what it's like not knowing many people, I have only moved to this area about 2 1/2 years ago, and it's not easy making new friends, well proper friends. I have a few now, but it's not like being in the place where I grew up, and my oh doesn't really understand cause he grew up here and has his life long friends. Plus my family is a long way away too, so I understand how easily you can feel isolated. Where do you live? I found this site a lifeline for when I'm feeling lonely, 99.9% of people are friendly, helpful and have helped me through lots of ups and downs.

Think about giving the patches etc a go, and make sure you let me know how you get on, you may not succeed the first time you use the patches, but you will get there. Take care sweetie.xxxx

Samantha24 · Apr 12, 2007 3:44PM

Josh is four. It has only been to hours and i am already looking to having a cigarette when my husband gets in from work. He will be back at 10:30. I tell myself all the time I will have just one, and then that's it. Thing is I don't believe myself anymore when I say thats it no more cigarettes. I hate the taste and smell and have even taking to blow most of the smoke away before inhaling.I feel ill when passive smoking now. I need the strength to say 'no Sam'.

Samantha24 · Apr 12, 2007 3:51PM

Thanx everyone for your replies. I have used nicotine replacement but stopped. I started on patches and had to have a lower strength cos they made me have palpitations. Then the lowest strength ones did the same.
I tried the gum for a while after that but stopped when after a few weeks I still hadn't quit. I found that I was smoking less though. Then I wanted to quit cold turkey because I hated putting nicotine in my system still. It was keeping me addicted when most of my addiction is mental not physical.

camlo · Apr 12, 2007 5:59PM

Hi Sam, I had a different habit which I could only quit with sessions of hypnotherapy. Interestingly at the end she also tried to reduce my craving for chocolate but that didn't last long.......... Good luck and remember if you've cut down you've already done good !!

StrawberryGirl · Apr 14, 2007 12:36PM

SAM! First things first, please stop feeling so guilty and beating yourself up over this!
I think we all know that smoking is not good for either you or the baby, however, neither is a Mummy who is sad or depressed or guilt ridden or putting herself under enormous pressure all the time!
Not that I want to make you feel bad of course but from this post you can see you are not alone. It's easy to think about what you 'should' be doing whilst pregnant but it just isn't that easy. I am an ex-smoker myself and tried to quit many times. The only time I managed it is when I didn't consider myself quitting, I just decided that 'I didn't want one right now'. It left the door open for me to have one if I fancied it but I am just coming up to a years anniversary and I just never even think about it now.
Has your OH thought of quitting - can you ask him to smoke outside? Will any of this help?!?
We won't judge you but we will support you when you need us!!
Take it easy
Tracey
xxx

Samantha24 · Apr 14, 2007 12:42PM

well done for quitting. Me and oh only smoke outside. I did well-ish yesterday. Didn't have one till five pm. But then again couldn't anyway between 12-5. Thanx Tracey.

Samantha24 · Apr 15, 2007 7:39AM

I didn't even try to stop yesterday my oh was off work. Good job really cos he spent the whole day argueing at me. But today am going to try to not smoke until 12 tomorrow. Had one at 12 today so that means twentyfour hours. Mind you I cant smoke at twelve tomorrow as have antenatal appt. Thats good. Wish me luck everyone. PS. Please can someone think of something to post on here as will look daft when I update myself on my own progress when I feel like smoking later. He he he

It's now 1pm and have failed already.

ops: I now choose not to smoke until tomorrow 1pm. Serves me right for leaving cigarettes where I can get them back. Have destroyed them now though. x I hope I do this and stay strong when oh gets in at six

[Modified by: Samantha24 on April 15, 2007 01:09 PM]

StrawberryGirl · Apr 15, 2007 1:50PM

Hiya Sam
Been out today but thinking about you wondering how things have been today! Hope you have managed to stay strong.
Tracey
xxx

StrawberryGirl · Apr 16, 2007 6:07AM

Hi again Sam - hows things?

Samantha24 · Apr 16, 2007 9:14AM

no I didn't. went without till oh got in. The more I fail the harder it gets because I don't belive a word I say. I have no conviction left. Thinking about goingto buy self hypnosis tape. At least it gives me another chance to stop where I am not just saying it. Thanx trackieann. It's good to know that there's someone behind you. I am going to seriously try to stop on wednesday. No point stopping tomorrow oh is off work. I can spend tomorrow bouying myself back up.

Jaynie-LivingDeadGirl · Apr 17, 2007 7:38AM

this mornin i've been called a child abuser for smokin while pregnant.

and i should avoid second hand smoke.. i work in a pub am i meant to hold my breath for the hole of my shift or something?

apparently my baby is going to not stop crying because he will be addicted to nicotine.

oh and the best part.. get this. i've also been told that i should start cuttin myself again instead of smoking because that wont damage the baby.

samjjones · Apr 17, 2007 9:31AM

Hi Jaynie

That's terrible that someone said those things to you!!!

I am shocked! Was it someone you know or a stranger?

I haven't been able to quite kick the habit and still have one or two a day which is better than the 20 I was on when I first got pregnant I suppose.

I hope you are ok, try not to take what people say to heart (easier said than done, I know.)

Sam x

Samantha24 · Apr 17, 2007 11:43AM

Jaynie that is awful!! It's bad enough the guilt that you put yourself through (if you are anything like me). Mt plans to quit tomorrow are probably out the window.Got oh days off wrong. Got my hypnosis tape though. (are youallowed to do that pregnant??), I am going to try anyway.

han21 · Apr 17, 2007 11:59AM

i cant beleive how insensitive people can be towards your feelings when pregnant. i gave up smoking when i found out i was pegnant (i didnt smoke heavily anyway-so i wasnt that addicted) but i still have to breathe in other peoples smoke all the time!!!! even if u give up- its everywhere so does that mean everyone who smokes in a child abuser...NO it does not. try not to blame urselves for not quitting its so not easy!! and just try ur hardest as u cannot do anymore than that. samantha- it sounds like u r trying really hard and im sorry to hear uve been feeling so guilty u havnt enjoyed ur pregnancy but just keep trying and it might happen 4 u. good luck. and jaynie - whoever said that 2 u about hurting urself deserves a smack in the mouth!!!!!!!!!

Jaynie-LivingDeadGirl · Apr 17, 2007 5:15PM

it was 2 people that said those things and i know them both. i have cut right down since i found out i was pregnant and now ive got a chest infection i didnt smoke at all yesterday. then they stressed me out so i had a couple today. why is that not good enough for some people?

hi samantha have you cut down? you shouldn't feel so guilty. as long as you are trying. you cant do any more than try!

the guy the called me a child abuser.. kindly called his mum a terrorist for having him. and said.. "you are the cum your mum should have swallowed" i know its pretty disgustin but it made me feel better!

Claire__Ellie_Weston · Apr 18, 2007 9:03AM

It took me ages to quit smoking, not that I have completely quit now, but I have had people screech at me in a pub for having one with my orange juice! I politely told them that their second hand smoke in my face was far worse as it is unfiltered and doing my baby more harm than puffing on ONE FAG!! I still have the occasional fag now and again but most days it just makes me feel sick. I am 30 weeks now and I don't think i'm gonna ever quit completely cos I like it too much. I didn't give up at all with my first child and my midwife even told me tht 5 a day wasn't going to do much harm.....this is actually shocking but I believed it at the time!

People will always have opinions on what you do while you're pregnant and you just can't win! So apart from becoming a total hermit then you really have to develop a thick skin!! xxxx

Jaynie-LivingDeadGirl · Apr 18, 2007 5:33PM

and i think completely quittin smokin will stress the baby out. if i need a fag and dont get one i go mad. only had 2 today which is good

Samantha24 · Apr 19, 2007 4:25AM

If I had have known that my oh was leaving for work at 9 I wouldn't have had a fag at 8.30. It would have been easier to quit today. oh well. Self hypnosis tape might help. I will let you know how I fare. Well done Jaynie on only having two. x

Please Don't judge Me

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