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Do you really know the legal laws about IVF in your area and do they really protect you?

Living through a nightmare you have to believe and trust your doctor implicitly and what they tell you is the undeniable truth.  

However, come to find out that my IVF doctor shared my SOLO donor cycle with another couple without my expressed consent or knowledge.

I had 8 embryos and after my day-5 transfer he had told me, after the fact that he had to destroy 4 of the 8 embryos without my knowledge or expressed consent.  Thus meaning that I had 3 embryos remaining left to be frozen for later use, which cost me $1000.00 for a year.  

Luckily, I got pregnant on the first attempt and was blessed to find out on Mother’s Day 2017 and my son was born in January 2018.

Unfortunately, this is now where the nightmare begins.  Not long after his birth I had decided to give him a sibling.  The doctor had started to make things difficult for me by asking me to get various letters from multiple doctors asking for their approval and their expertise before attempting to try again, thinking that it would take me quite some time to obtain these letters.  However, he was was shocked as I was able to attain all the letters and documents he required within a week.

 I had started treatment again and attempted a transfer in November 2019 and everything apparently went okay.  

As my partner and I were leaving the transfer room another couple also came out of his office at the same time and saw us with our son and the wife said how lucky we were to have him and I responded that it will happen for her one day and the woman’s husband/partner responded it’s her 5th try in a very bitter & condescending voice.  

She then mentioned that she just had to give away one of her embryos and I had said to her that embryos are property and cannot be given away and then her husband/partner turned to her and said “Shut the F*ck up!!!  You know that we are NOT ALLOWED to talk about this!!!” 

Both my partner and myself were in awe and when I got home I had emailed my doctor and he said he cannot discuss about another couple claiming “Patient Confidentiality”.  

I was expecting to get pregnant but needless to say that I did not.

 I decided that I wanted to try again as I should have had two embryos remaining.  But one of the doctor’s nurses (whom I will call BJ) was asking me all sorts of questions on how many kids I have and other types of questions not pertinent to me trying again and looked like she was contemplating/planning something.

I just wanted to mention the time that I got pregnant with my son in 2017, the doctor performed the procedure by himself and the time in November  2018 he was there with the embryologist. 

However, this time, December 2018, he was in the room with nurse BJ and she looked nervous and I got a bad feeling about her being there and before he had a chance to put the speculum inside me she ran towards the table where the stylet was with the embryo tube and grabbed it and ran out of the transfer room but not towards the embryology lab but towards where the other transfer rooms were located.  

I yelled hey get back here with that and the doctor physically blocked me from going after her.  I said where is she going with that?  And he responded that she didn’t have anything and at the time of the supposed transfer he didn’t even use the ultrasound machine to do the procedure or even to take a photo of the placement of the embryo as he did with my son back in 2017.

Again, I emailed him about this and needless to say I had another negative pregnancy test.  

However, this time I met with his other nurse (whom I will call B* as I cannot recall her last name) and she seemed quite upset about what happened to me as she could not reveal too much information without breaking Patient Confidentiality as she stated to me that it was unfair that you (meaning me) could not have a full genetic sibling to your (my) son and the doctor’s receptionist (whom I will call A*) said that I should confront him as they realized something fishy was going on in the clinic.

I had confronted the doctor again and he made me feel that something was wrong with me and sent me for an Endometrial Biopsy which came back negative and I was really starting to doubt the voracity of the clinic.  The nurse B* and receptionist A* again said that I should confront him.  I was unable to get any follow-up appointments until March 2019 but by the time I did the doctor had fired both nurse B* and receptionist A* !!!

At the appointment that I had in March 2019 both my partner and I confronted him again and this time he took us into his private office behind closed doors and was still trying to deny about any wrongdoing.  

During the discussion, I had mentioned to him that there are two things in life that I believe in and he responded “What is that”?   To which I responded “1.) People Lie and 2.) DNA”.  At that point he turned pale and green but he then later admitted verbally in front of us that it was a clinical decision to give away the embryos that were created for me solely and that there were none left as he said that he NEVER expected the other woman to get pregnant.

And also what that woman had said in November 2018 was true and that she had become pregnant in December 2018, but he said how can you prove it?  

At this point I responded to him “You can see my son sitting there in the carriage” and he responded “Yes” and I said “DNA” and if the other child is a genetic match to my son”, at this point he got up to leave his office, laughed and said “Well, I guess I owe you some money” and didn’t say another word.

Unfortunately, I was forced to go back to him and use his services due to age restrictions being imposed by our government and IVF doctors statistical data.

I was lucky enough to get the same female donor but I was unable to get the same male donor hence this other woman has a full genetic sibling to my son, where I have a half-sibling to son.    

Please do not get me wrong, as I do love my youngest daughter but I feel that I should have my other child who is my youngest son’s full sibling.  

My only worry is that if my youngest son eventually meets up with his full genetic sibling without realizing that they are related and start dating and become intimately involved what will happen to them both emotionally and psychologically?

Just make sure that your doctor is reputable and that you are protected against their theft as it is not about helping you and other couples as much as it is about them lining their pockets by covertly skimming off the top of your embryos and selling them to benefit themselves.

Also, beware of where you are living as to make sure that your legal rights will be respected.  Unfortunately, many government bodies do not have any legal recourse to officially protect you and your property as there are no clearly defined laws against such practices taking place and how to protect you from unscrupulous doctors from taking advantage of the system.

I live in Montreal,QC and we are on our 3rd lawyer going on to our 4th but if you or anyone knows where and how I can get a DNA sample of the other baby please don’t hesitate to let me know as the doctor keeps using Patient Confidentiality to protect himself.  

My partner keeps on stating wouldn’t it be easier for the doctor to get the DNA sample from the other couple’s child and prove us wrong?  But it shows that by his actions that he has something to hide and the fact that he also fired nurse B* and receptionist A* !!!

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