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Not sure how I feel
Hello all,
Well the good news is that the scan on Saturday showed that the smaller follicle had stopped growing at 12.5mm so we went ahead with insemination today, so I am at home resting.......but we also had some bad news.
There has always been a discrepancy in my hormonal profile - I have a high testosterone level. At first they thought it was PCOS, but have since ruled it out. So they have been doing regular hormonal profiles while we have been waiting to start treatment. The results of the last one came back today. It has confirmed thier suspicions that I am in the very early stages of the menopause, my FSH is rising.
I was dreading this happening as my Mum and Grandma were both 30 and my cousin was 29, so I have always known it would be early, but at 26 I am the youngest person affected. The doctor told me that it could have started as far back as 2008. He said it explains my miscarriages as my hormones do not function effectively enough to support a pregnancy, and it certainly explains why we have had no success for the last 13 months.
They are planning to continue treatment as planned as they feel that although I probably can't concieve naturally now, the extra hormones and IUI procedure still have a good chance of being a success if I continue hormonal support throughout. They are keen to do all 3 cycles of IUI back to back (now-sept) so that we can be put on the waiting list for IVF as soon as possible if needs be.
I just hope it doesn't get that far and that the IUI works. It's been just another blow to my already fragile self-esteem. I feel as if it's all my fault because my stupid body doesn't work properly. I feel as if I am a huge disappointment to my husband and my in-laws because I can't make him a Daddy, and I feel old now too.
All my friends have had kids now, I'm the only one. This may be my only chance, and I have to believe it will work because If I don't I'll go mad.
Sorry for the long post, it helps.
Good luck and baby dust to all!!
KC
Well the good news is that the scan on Saturday showed that the smaller follicle had stopped growing at 12.5mm so we went ahead with insemination today, so I am at home resting.......but we also had some bad news.
There has always been a discrepancy in my hormonal profile - I have a high testosterone level. At first they thought it was PCOS, but have since ruled it out. So they have been doing regular hormonal profiles while we have been waiting to start treatment. The results of the last one came back today. It has confirmed thier suspicions that I am in the very early stages of the menopause, my FSH is rising.
I was dreading this happening as my Mum and Grandma were both 30 and my cousin was 29, so I have always known it would be early, but at 26 I am the youngest person affected. The doctor told me that it could have started as far back as 2008. He said it explains my miscarriages as my hormones do not function effectively enough to support a pregnancy, and it certainly explains why we have had no success for the last 13 months.
They are planning to continue treatment as planned as they feel that although I probably can't concieve naturally now, the extra hormones and IUI procedure still have a good chance of being a success if I continue hormonal support throughout. They are keen to do all 3 cycles of IUI back to back (now-sept) so that we can be put on the waiting list for IVF as soon as possible if needs be.
I just hope it doesn't get that far and that the IUI works. It's been just another blow to my already fragile self-esteem. I feel as if it's all my fault because my stupid body doesn't work properly. I feel as if I am a huge disappointment to my husband and my in-laws because I can't make him a Daddy, and I feel old now too.
All my friends have had kids now, I'm the only one. This may be my only chance, and I have to believe it will work because If I don't I'll go mad.
Sorry for the long post, it helps.
Good luck and baby dust to all!!
KC
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Replies
I am so sorry to hear your news and it is absolutely understandable that you are feeling down. I am keeping everything crossed that this cycle works and you can have your much wanted lo. I do understand what you are going through somewhat, I am 25 and my AMH levels are extremely low (only 4 when they should be between 28 and 48) which means that I too will be going through an early menopause. I haven't started yet and they can't predict exactly when it will begin, it could be next year or it could be in 5 years, but either way it will be very early. It's such a scary thing to find out, I don't have any family history of it so I just seem to be unlucky and it was a total shock. I am hoping more than anything that my DH and I can have a family before it is too late, but it does feel like we are on a countdown and racing against the clock. My DH has said to me so many times though that I shouldn't blame myself or feel like I am letting him down because it's nothing I have done - it is simply nature. He tells me all that time that even if it does end up just being the two of us he will still be happy and feel so lucky that we found each other. I am sure that your DH feels exactly the same way!! Even though I still blame myself sometimes I try and remember it isn't my fault.
Anyway honey, I wish you so much luck with your treatment, I'll be looking out for your updates and hoping you get your little miracle very soon.x.