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Devastated
Hi,
Just to let you all know that unfortunately even though I had 12 eggs collected on Wed, I got a call today to say none had fertlised. OH sperm samples previously had been fine and they said the eggs and sperm they took on Wed were ok and they don't know why. I am so upset, I'm realistic enough to know that it was a slim chance of working, especially 1st time, but I just so wanted a chance.
Please be honest ladies and tell me the truth, do you think there's any hope with ICSI or are we just incompatible?
Love Em J xxx
Just to let you all know that unfortunately even though I had 12 eggs collected on Wed, I got a call today to say none had fertlised. OH sperm samples previously had been fine and they said the eggs and sperm they took on Wed were ok and they don't know why. I am so upset, I'm realistic enough to know that it was a slim chance of working, especially 1st time, but I just so wanted a chance.
Please be honest ladies and tell me the truth, do you think there's any hope with ICSI or are we just incompatible?
Love Em J xxx
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Replies
Sorry, I haven't followed your thread, but have had ICSI myself and wondered if this attempt was using that method?
It must have been really horrendous to know that nothing had come of all your efforts with the drugs etc.
An example of my situation was that they collected 15 eggs, 11 fertilised, 5 survived overnight and by ec day there were only 2 left. had both transferred and at the first scan after the confrmed pregnancy, there was only one remaining which I sadly miscarred at 7 weeks.
Nobody can tell you if you will succeed with ICSI, but it does offer more of a "helping hand" in getting the sperm precisely where it needs to be. It's the option we will be using with out next attempt in July and I would recommend it.
I really hope you and your OH can try relax over the weekend and come to terms with it all- it totally blows your mind and I don't think you realise until you are at this side of your treatment.
Lots of hugs
Emma xx
Thanks so much for your reply. No it wasn't ICSI this time and I'm hoping that my clinic will offer me this next time. I'm just dreading it if they tell me the eggs are no good and we may need a donor, although they said on the phone the eggs looked ok.
I can't settle to do anything, OH pottering around as he feels so bad. I have a follow up appt Wed so it can't come quick enough.
So sorry to hear about your news, like you say this is when it gets mega tough, I feel like I'm in some kind of trauma which I'm sure you do too. Although you must be devastated I'm so encouraged that the little bean stuck and often when that happens it's only a matter of time before it's a positive outcome.
They mentioned having 1clear cycle and then maybe trying again, which would be May, but I guess that's down to the consultant's decision on Wed, he's not the most sympathetic of souls either.
1 thing this whole journey is making me realise is who you can turn to in times of crisis for love and support. Ladies like you are fab on here and although I feel wretched I wanted to post for some tlc really. I'm lucky OH is great and it was awful to see him in tears today as that's a complete rarity. My mum and big sis have been great too. However OH mum or dad haven't rang once throughout the last 3mths or visited and they only live a mile away. Due to the fact I was diagnosed with a slight blocked tube last year they have completely put the blame onto me and every time I visit remind me that their son's sperm is fine and it's inadvertently my fault why a grandchild hasn't been produced. What made it worse was that OH's brother and wife conceived last year and whilst their baby is a delight it's very hard as every time I visit, baby is there. I text today to tell OH's mum the devastating news and she just text back "sorry for you" which confirmed that she believes it's all my fault. I have had to tell a few people at work as well the news and 1 so called colleague text to tell me that she "accidentally" forgot it was a secret and has told others, she then told me to have a Happy Easter, despite knowing today's news.
The consultant diagnosed us as unexplained infertility before Xmas and I suppose today's news confirmed that an egg has never been fertilised during the time we have ttc.
I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you and hope you have some fantastic news on your next cycle. Are you self funding?
Lots of love to you
Em J xxxxxxxxxxxx
I was so sad to read your post. My heart goes out to you - I really don't know what to say. I just wanted to let you know that you have my prayers, even though we don't know eachother, and I hope you can get though the next few days and summon the strength you and DH need. HUgs to you, xx
I'm no expert on the subject but my clinic told me that ICSI is more prescise and there is a higher success rate with it, I was extremely lucky and I did get pregnant and now have a daughter. I had 11 eggs retrieved, 5 of which I donated as I egg shared and 6 of which I kept, however only 2 were good enough to put back and of those two one is now my daughter! However the other couple that recieved my eggs did not go on to get pregnant, so it's difficult to say whats best. My personal view is if IVF hasn't worked for you but your clinic are happy to do ICSI then do it, it won't harm to try it and it may be the best treatment for you.
Wishing you all the best for the future, keep us posted with your journey
Hugs Rhian xx
If you're anything like me, you will find you are thinking of it all and mulling it over 24/7- people with (helpfully) say ???????try take your mind off it???????, but in my case that was almost impossible- its always there, if only dormant for a while! Please be assured though, that you will learn to work round what has happened and start looking forward to your next venture with ICSI!!!!
Glad you were encouraged that it worked (albeit temporarily!) it gave us hope and we just tried to be there for each other and not drift into our own worlds. You mentioned your husband crying- it was the first tme I have seen my DH cry and I will never forget it L
I think if you are paying for your next cycle, it is up to you when you start (waiting lists to be factored in of course), but we were told to wait a cycle too. They need to be sure you have got your head around what has just happened and that you are in fit mental state to try again.
You are definitely right about this site- I came on here loads during and after it all and it was the only place where there were people who actually knew how you were feeling and it was a Godsend really- it's also great that you have your family- even if oh's aren't the most supportive!! Please don't take on board any negative personal remarks- they know nothing of the fine tuning needed to make a child and you are not to blame at all- how can you help what's going on in your body or what other factors may have come into play? After all with unexplained infertility, the point it, there is no known reason!!
That's the other thing I found erally hard- I have never known as many pregnant people and although I am happy for them, I am just sooooo unhappy for us!!!
Think it's onwards and upwards for us all this year Em- we are trying again in July - self funding at about ??4k- might buy the drugs at Asda though- hahaha- every cloud.......!
All the best of luck & stay in touch
Emma x
I am lost for words to write but please be positive and think that sometime in the near future you will hold your baby.
I am also very sorry that your inlaws are not supportive. My wife and I have also been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We are now going through our second fresh IVF cycle. We had one fresh cycle at the end of 2008, from that we had 11 eggs and our clinic said that the sperm sample was good but to maximise our chance we should opt to do 6 IVF and 5 ICSI, we agreed and then we had 8 embryos of which we transferred two and they felt 4 were suitable for freezing. The pregnancy was positive but after some weeks it was a blighted ovum (pregnancy sac but no foetal pole or hearbeat), a few months later we went for a frozen cycle, the needed to thaw 3 embryos to get 2 suitable for transfer. You may have read more details on other blogs. Now we have 1 frozen embryo left so have decided to go for another fresh cycle. I am not sure which clinic you use or whereabout you can travel to. We are using a clinic in Lonodon which has a very high success rate and they also offer IVIG to boost your immunes as well. If you feel that your consultant is not supportive think about other clinics and used the HFEA website to review the success rates. What happened to you is really very unfortunate and I pray that god answers your prayers very soon.
good luck for next time.
I have everything crossed for you and remember never give up!
Don't take any notice of anyone else so long as you and your OH are fine no-one else matters!!!!
Keep us posted.
xx
I went for my follow up appt today and the consultant said this is a v rare occurance and only happens about once or twice a year, which really didn't make me feel a lot better, but he's very straight and honest and that's how I prefer things to be. He said ICSI was our only option and that I would be starting pretty much straight away, just 1 period naturally then straight in. A part of me felt I needed a break, both physically and mentally but I get married in Aug this year, so had made the decision to not have any treatment had this cycle failed until after the wedding anyway. However I'm v impatient and need to know whether there's any long term hope for us and the only way to find that out is to try with ICSI and see if the eggs can fertlise that way.
He said both the eggs and sperm fine, just wouldn't bind together and said that shouldn't be a reflection on our overall relationship! OH keeping positive and saying the eggs have got little crash helmets on and need to take them off and let him in! However, I'm v anxious what the next few weeks will bring and that's where all your stories and successes mean so much so thanks again.
The consultant also ordered a blood test for my AMH which I know what this is for, again I'm just hoping and praying that the news isn't too bad. He said it can be normal, reduced or an indication of absent fertility, but did say the latter was unlikely as I had 15 andral (sp?)follicles and they managed to take 12 good eggs. It's just that I seem to get such terrible news every time I visit the hospital that nothing would surprise me. I've a feeling it will most probably come back as decreased fertlity, hence why I needed my stimms increasing during this last cycle. Has anyone else had their AMH tested?
When the head nurse phoned me last Friday with the devastating news (she also performed egg coll and upped stimms etc) she was professional but ok with me, but today never spoke a word! Maybe she was just having a bad day, but if I'm honest I've not been over impressed with the bedside manner of the staff and one thing that bugs me is they don't tell me a thing about what's going on! I think I need to be a bit more assertive.
They say every cloud..........ours is that this cycle hasn't counted towards our 3 free, so hopefully if the ICSI can do the job, we still have a few chances.
Mrs Bambino- Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and I'll be keeping in touch xx
Rhian- Thanks you so much for your post, I'm so pleased you were able to conceive a beautiful little girl and admire you so much for donating your eggs.xxx
Claire Ski- Thanks for your lovely reply hun. The consultant said it's even more rare for zero fertlisation with ICSI, but knowing my luck.......NO, GOT TO BE POSITIVE!!! Thanks also for your support re: the 'mean ones'! I also need to learn from this and make some changes, 1st 1 being to start thinking about myself and my needs for a change xxx
Emma- Thx so much for your replies, everything you have written is EXACTLY how I feel hun, so I'm also here to prop you up whenever you need it.xxxxx
Ks9- Yes I followed the heartbreakng story you and your wife have been through and admire you both so much. Thank you for giving me the vision of holding my baby and I'm keeping everything crossed for you both too. Can I ask what IVIG is? xx
Bennet= Congrats to you! That is just the news that keeps me going and I'm so pleased for you. Thanks for giving me hope xxx
MandyEvs- Again your post has given me sooo much hope and I've just read out aloud to OH. I am going to start my acupuncture up again and wondered about hynotherapy, how did you found it useful? Congrats to you on your little one and I'm so pleased that the ICSI worked. Thanks for your lovely post xxx
Love Em J xxx
You are so right to keep positive (re silver lining) it's a massive plus that you have another free chance- especially as they will do ICSI with you- I truly hope that all works for you and am sending you positive vibes!!!
Keep us updated- I am waiting for your (and everyone elses) BFP
PS (if you ever want a FB chat, you can usually get me on there, I'm Emma Wilkins (and a FB addict!!!!!!!!!!!)
Emma x