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Moggs · Sep 27, 2010 2:19PM

Hello,

Just wanted to give an update. I had my egg collection yesterday and they got 6, which I was really pleased with as only one ovary responded.

However, I got the call today to say none had fertilised apart from one, which they can't implant as it's abnormal.

I'm utterly devastated and still in pain from yesterday and I just feel that there is no hope.

I've asked my husband to come back from work so I'm not alone. All my family are hundreds of miles away and I have no one to talk to and I just want a cuddle.

This was our 3rd cycle of ICSI and it took up the last of our savings (and some borrowed from family). I just can't see a way forward.

I can't stop crying. All I want is to be a mum.

Sorry to bring bad news $:\$ (:\(:\(

I hope you all have better outcomes.

Moggs xx

hjanea · Sep 16, 2010 6:48AM

Oh no, I'm so so sorry sweetheart.
H.xxx

rachieblonde · Sep 16, 2010 6:51AM

Oh Moggs I am so sorry, I hope your husband can come home to be with you. Sending you a massive hug, lots of love xxxx

LoriMum2two · Sep 16, 2010 8:13AM

I really dont know what to say, but wanted to reply to say I am sending you huge hugs, and have tears in my eyes for you. Nothing we can say will make you feel better right now, but in time, hopefully you will get the opportunity to try again. Give yourself time to heal before thinking about other options, three rounds of ICSI needs alot of recovery! Hopefully your hubby will be there with you now, and you can both support eachother in the way you need.

xxx

Orangegerbera · Sep 16, 2010 8:25AM

oh my god Moggs - that is so unfair.

so sorry to hear your news.

xx

lillyr · Sep 16, 2010 9:54AM

Poor you Moggs, I'm so sad to be reading this post. Sending a massive hug. It's so devastating and I wish there was something I could say to make it all better. I'm so sorry it didn't work for you this time - please don't lose hope. Miracles do happen, and you certainly deserve one. Keeping my fingers tightly crossed for you that good news comes soon.
xx

SarahBear7 · Sep 17, 2010 6:42AM

Moggs - your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that things didn't work out for you this time around. I just wish I could give you a masssive hug.

Sarah xx

MrsHopeful · Sep 17, 2010 1:03PM

Oh Moggs, I am so very sorrry. I really am.

Hugs.

xx

Moggs · Sep 18, 2010 3:26PM

Thanks Everyone.

I'm still utterly deflated and can't help feeling we've reached the end of the road. I'm still really sore from EC too, which isn't helping.

DH seems OK with it and that we'll just give it another go, but right now, I can't get my head around it. That's two out of three times we haven't even got to embryo transfer stage and I feel like such a failure. I can't understand why my left ovary doesn't respond at all on any of our cycles, when all my tests came back OK originally. Is there something wrong with me? Is my body just too old now (I'm 35)?

So many people have told me this week that maybe it just isn't meant to be and I should let go and it just makes me feel murderous. It's all right for them, they can reproduce. I wonder how they'd have felt if they'd had difficulty?

Follow up hospital appointment is next Thursday but DH says he can't go now. I don't think I can handle it by myself. I feel he should prioritise being there - after all, I've gone to all the scan appointments by myself, missed work etc and he's just shown up the once, on EC day, to do his bit!

Probably not fair to be cross at him or other people but I feel angry at the world right now, not least myself.

Thanks again for everything - means a lot to be able to offload to people who really understand.

Moggs xx

hjanea · Sep 19, 2010 2:55AM

Oh Moggs-how DARE people tell you 'its not meant to be'??? B@llocks to them!!
It seems a little unfair that you OH can't go to the follow up. Is it worth trying to change the appointment. I see you were having ICSI so I presume that there is a problem with the sperm-if so could it be that he feels really bad about the failure to fertilise?
Would you consider using donor sperm?
Sending you an enormous hug honey.
Helen.xxx

MrsD-69938 · Sep 19, 2010 8:24AM

Moggs, I'm so desperately sorry to read this. What a horrible cruel blow. It sounds as though your OH is struggling with this as much as you, but doesn't know how to express it, and his response is to pull out of the follow up meeting. I don't think you should have to go on your own. Can you tell him that it's not just a retrospective look back at what has happened, but it's plans for the future as well, which will affect you both? I would look at changing the date if that's what you both need to feel more ready to face it.

I wish you the very best of luck.
xx

_Wooly_ · Sep 19, 2010 9:36AM

Hi Moggs,
I'm so sorry! Hang in there x

lougla · Sep 19, 2010 3:39PM

Oh Moggs, I'm very sorry to hear your news. I understand how frustrated you must feel when your husband says "lets just try again". If only it was so easy to get yourself to that place, physically and mentally ..... I think its healthy to be angry, personally I'd feel a little angry with your husband too, as you say you've gone through all the invasive stuff, the least he should do is go to your follow-up interview. I feel for you and hope you start to feel better soon (in your own time, and certainly not just because some people are thoughtless enough to tell you to get over it).

Moggs · Sep 25, 2010 9:18AM

I just wanted to say a BIG thank you to all of you. I haven't come on for a few days as I needed space and time to get my head straight. Luckily, DH is completely on board and it was just his work that were being awkward. So, our follow-up appointment is on 7 October.

I have to admit at not holding out much hope and have googled myself silly as to what keeps going wrong. I've also decided to accept a new job. I know it may mean we have to delay things, but to be frank, we just don't have the money to try again very soon anyway and the new job will mean more coming in. I start in the New Year, so it will probably be next year before we can try IVF again.

I'll let you all know what the consultant says on 7th.

Wishing you all lots of luck and thanks again. Your support has meant a lot to me over a very difficult time.

xx

trixie85 · Sep 27, 2010 2:19PM

Hi Mioggs,

I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and hope you are starting to feel a tiny bit better. I haven't been on here for quite a while as I found it too hard after our 2nd failed IVF - and I totally understand how you feel when you want to kill the people that tell you that maybe it just isn't meant to be. We all deserve to be mummies and I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you that it works next time. Good luck with your appt, I hope they have some helpful info for you. Lots of love.x.

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