🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Options
How do I talk to her? - warning LONG!
Evening all, I hope you don't mind me asking your advice, but I am desperate and just don't know what to do.
I'm 12 wks pregnant, it took me over a year to fall pregnant but only my best friend knew I was trying. Finally it happened without any intervention, but it was close.
One of my quite good friends at work has been trying for a baby for a while too now, in a very public way. Her husband had a reversal of vasectomy (sorry for sp) and she has a high BMI and they were told it would be difficult to conceive so they started IVF privatly after only a couple of months, (started approx Oct 08). Since then they have had 3 cycles, the first failed, second was abandoned due to lack of folicles and the third (only last month) looked like it was going to be successful as they had 2 embryo's inplanted but mc'd 3 wks later (about 3wks ago now).
I have had to tell everyone at work I am pg due to my work situation (its high risk and involves lifting) but the news broke while she was off sick for her IVF. I went to see our boss as obviously I knew it was going to difficult telling her I was pg, so she said that she would email all senior staff to inform them I was pg, this way she would find out in an impartial way.
Since returning to work last wk she hasn't even looked at me, she looks so unwell and has lost weight, obviously the loss is taking its toll on her and she's finding it hard seeing me at work as it must be a constant reminder of what could have been. I totally sympathise with her.
I just don't know how to talk to her, what to say, if anything. Sorry this is waffley and long but needed to explain the situation. I would REALLY appreciate any advice you can give me, I just don't know what to do...please help.
Sorry for posting on here that I am pg also, I hope I haven't offended anyone.
Thanks in advance xxxx
I'm 12 wks pregnant, it took me over a year to fall pregnant but only my best friend knew I was trying. Finally it happened without any intervention, but it was close.
One of my quite good friends at work has been trying for a baby for a while too now, in a very public way. Her husband had a reversal of vasectomy (sorry for sp) and she has a high BMI and they were told it would be difficult to conceive so they started IVF privatly after only a couple of months, (started approx Oct 08). Since then they have had 3 cycles, the first failed, second was abandoned due to lack of folicles and the third (only last month) looked like it was going to be successful as they had 2 embryo's inplanted but mc'd 3 wks later (about 3wks ago now).
I have had to tell everyone at work I am pg due to my work situation (its high risk and involves lifting) but the news broke while she was off sick for her IVF. I went to see our boss as obviously I knew it was going to difficult telling her I was pg, so she said that she would email all senior staff to inform them I was pg, this way she would find out in an impartial way.
Since returning to work last wk she hasn't even looked at me, she looks so unwell and has lost weight, obviously the loss is taking its toll on her and she's finding it hard seeing me at work as it must be a constant reminder of what could have been. I totally sympathise with her.
I just don't know how to talk to her, what to say, if anything. Sorry this is waffley and long but needed to explain the situation. I would REALLY appreciate any advice you can give me, I just don't know what to do...please help.
Sorry for posting on here that I am pg also, I hope I haven't offended anyone.
Thanks in advance xxxx
0
Replies
I sadly have not been in your situation but dont take it to heart that she is upset. Obviously she has had a tough time of it and to see that someone else now is pg would be very hard for her.
I guess what you do now depends on how much of a friend she was. 2 options ... carry on as normal, leave the situation and keep a distance. Or have a quiet word just to say, not sorry as you have nothing to be sorry for, but sympathise maybe? As for what to say, you already sympathise with her so just say what you feel.
Not on the same level but I remember going through a divorce when someone else in the office was just anouncing a wedding! Very tough to be around someone that was looking forward to something so much when I just wanted to curl up. I was the one to appologise and say Im sorry if I dont get involved with the conversations but I dont think I am ready to be around or to dampen someone elses happyness.
You have a huge gift and you never should feel sorry for getting pg. I dont think I have been much help but felt bad that no one else has helped! x
Very difficult situation, and no right or wrong way for either of you to handle it. Having gone through similar troubles to what your friend is suffering, I would suggest not pushing it, as keeping a distance is obviously how she wants to cope with this right now.
My DH and I have been TTC for almost 2 years. We had a natural pregnancy with a miscarriage at 7 weeks in December, and after a successful round of IVF in May, our 7 week scan last week showed that a 2nd miscarriage was inevitable.
I am now dreading going back to work, one of the main reasons being that one of my colleagues will be making her 'announcement' very soon. I know she's pregnant but she hasn't announced it yet. It is going to be a constant reminder of what we had, and lost, twice.
It's not your fault but seeing you will make her very sad, and probably jealous of what you have. She won't wish any badness, and deep down will be happy for you. However, the rawness and hurt of what she's going through might make it look otherwise.
What I'm trying to say is take her cues, and when she's ready, be there for her. Maybe you could send her an e-mail saying that you're thinking of her and that although you're probably not the best person for her to confide in right now, you'll be there for her when she's ready.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and hope I haven't offended in my reply.
As usual BE ladies know exactly what to do.
Fingers crossed that you get your BFP soon, thanks again xxx