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Horrible consent forms meeting (bit of a rant)
Had our meeting with one of the nurses at the Assisted Conception Unit where we are having our IVF in a few weeks to sign all of the consent form and pay up. We had only just got back from holiday the day before so were feeling relaxed happy and positive... We both came out of the meeting wondering if we should go ahead and almost in tears.
When we went in and got sat down the first thing the nurse did was have a little rant at us because she had 'no idea' about our case. Apparently we should have been dealing with the same person the whole way through as our situation is quite complex (I have had cancer and got some gynae problems) - I appreciate that it must be frustrating for her to have to 'get to speed' quite quickly, but we don't get a choice about who we're seen by so it's not our fault if we get allocated a different person each time.
Then she rushed us through all of the forms at top speed - and these were important forms about how our eggs will be used, what will happen if either of us dies during treatment etc. I am not saying that I would have wanted to examine them with a magnifying glass or anything, but would have been nice for DH and I to be able to read them and have a quick discussion before we ticked any boxes.
Finally I really felt that she went over the top in preparing us for the worst case scenario. Now, I know that they have to tell you about things such as Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome, but she launched into a long (and gossipy) story about how a woman with OHSS who failed to notify the unit that she was feeling unwell, went to bed and died in her sleep next to her husband. My poor husband who has been an absolute gem whilst I was going through all the cancer stuff last year looked bl**dy terrified. I didn't feel that there was any reason to put the fear of god into us both, she could have just said that the condition could be very serious and possibly fatal, and stress the importance of watching out for symptoms!
She also mentioned on a few occasions that success rates were only 30%. But I had ordered a pack from where we're having our egg collection and transfer (at a satellite centre, not the ACU itself), and they'd included their own success rates (45.5% for under 35s), I also spoke to the embryologist on the phone who said that for blastocyst transfer (which we're hoping to have as I can only have one embryo transferred) success rates can be as high as 75% if my embryos survive that far. The nurse didn't mention any of this or the implication of my age or anything, just made us think the rate was 30% across the board regardless of the patient's individual circumstances or the kind of treatment they were having.
There's one other thing too - she said we'd get a nice private room at the satellite facility "it's better to have your own room when the embryologist comes to tell you that you didn't get any eggs".
Sorry I have gone on a bit, but honestly the meeting was just one horrible thing after another. I know that they have a duty to make sure your expectations are realistic when you're having IVF, but I came away thinking that she had no faith at all in the treatment, and no belief whatsoever that it could work for us - or for anyone for that matter!
If I hadn't done my own homework and contacted the satellite facility myself I really feel that I might pull out of the treatment now. I know it's definately not 'nailed on' that it will work, but I am 26 and healthy and there are no problems with my eggs or DH's sperm. We've literally got a plumbing problem - a blocked cervix which means or sperm and egg cannot meet. I just feel that she could have at least been pleasant to us even if what she said was the same because her manner was so negative and offhand.
Thanks for letting me offload. I really hope no one else has such a horrible experience.
Sarah xx
When we went in and got sat down the first thing the nurse did was have a little rant at us because she had 'no idea' about our case. Apparently we should have been dealing with the same person the whole way through as our situation is quite complex (I have had cancer and got some gynae problems) - I appreciate that it must be frustrating for her to have to 'get to speed' quite quickly, but we don't get a choice about who we're seen by so it's not our fault if we get allocated a different person each time.
Then she rushed us through all of the forms at top speed - and these were important forms about how our eggs will be used, what will happen if either of us dies during treatment etc. I am not saying that I would have wanted to examine them with a magnifying glass or anything, but would have been nice for DH and I to be able to read them and have a quick discussion before we ticked any boxes.
Finally I really felt that she went over the top in preparing us for the worst case scenario. Now, I know that they have to tell you about things such as Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome, but she launched into a long (and gossipy) story about how a woman with OHSS who failed to notify the unit that she was feeling unwell, went to bed and died in her sleep next to her husband. My poor husband who has been an absolute gem whilst I was going through all the cancer stuff last year looked bl**dy terrified. I didn't feel that there was any reason to put the fear of god into us both, she could have just said that the condition could be very serious and possibly fatal, and stress the importance of watching out for symptoms!
She also mentioned on a few occasions that success rates were only 30%. But I had ordered a pack from where we're having our egg collection and transfer (at a satellite centre, not the ACU itself), and they'd included their own success rates (45.5% for under 35s), I also spoke to the embryologist on the phone who said that for blastocyst transfer (which we're hoping to have as I can only have one embryo transferred) success rates can be as high as 75% if my embryos survive that far. The nurse didn't mention any of this or the implication of my age or anything, just made us think the rate was 30% across the board regardless of the patient's individual circumstances or the kind of treatment they were having.
There's one other thing too - she said we'd get a nice private room at the satellite facility "it's better to have your own room when the embryologist comes to tell you that you didn't get any eggs".
Sorry I have gone on a bit, but honestly the meeting was just one horrible thing after another. I know that they have a duty to make sure your expectations are realistic when you're having IVF, but I came away thinking that she had no faith at all in the treatment, and no belief whatsoever that it could work for us - or for anyone for that matter!
If I hadn't done my own homework and contacted the satellite facility myself I really feel that I might pull out of the treatment now. I know it's definately not 'nailed on' that it will work, but I am 26 and healthy and there are no problems with my eggs or DH's sperm. We've literally got a plumbing problem - a blocked cervix which means or sperm and egg cannot meet. I just feel that she could have at least been pleasant to us even if what she said was the same because her manner was so negative and offhand.
Thanks for letting me offload. I really hope no one else has such a horrible experience.
Sarah xx
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Replies
I hope your next visit is much better, and you find a nice nurse. Unfortunately, just because of the type of clinics these are, doesn't mean that all the nurses are lovely. x
By the way I was just going to reply to one of your threads. I am so pleased that after everything and the scare that you had that things are going well - sounds like the nurse you saw could have done with an extra compassion gland as well! When do you have your first scan?
Sarah x
Our nurse didnt skip anything and took the time to explain all the forms. This is a massive thing as it is and more so for you if you have had cancer. I honestly think her attitude needs sorting.
She really didn't owt to have gone into details regarding the other ladies death as there may well have been factors she was not aware of.
At the very least you should speak with your satelite unit manager and see what she thinks. Luckily you haven't been put off but what I'd someone sees her who is a bit delicate?
Good luck with the start of your treatment.
Sorry you were treated badly, and hopefully they will be more supportive when it comes to the actual treatment.
Sarah
xx
Please don't be put off and scared, I have been through IVF and had OHSS and yes it was unpleasant but in no way did I feel I was about to die! The clinic just told me what to do and monitored me and I never felt frightened. Plus don't think about the statistics everyone is different and every case is different so keep positive!
As for the forms, you should have had time to read them through as much as you wanted to this is a big event in anyones life and you wanted to make sure you knew what you were signing and agreeing to, which is understandable, the clinic I am with explained them to me and then gave them to me to take home to look through and sign and pop back to them when I go back.
I am really sorry you had such a crap time, its not fair of that nurse to paint fertility treatment in such a bad way, and please don't give up, ignore her and follow your heart
All the best
Rhian x
Thanks so much for your messages, they really helped. I just felt so dispirited after the meeting - I really think the nurse would have felt terrible if she had known what kind of effect her words and manner had on us both - then again, maybe not?
Thanks for your advice. I am going to wait and see whether I get her again and what her attitude is before I mention anything directly to any of the staff at our ACU. I will mention it at the satellite clinic though as I am sure they will feed it back and it feels less personal saying it to someone there than to one of her close colleagues. I have also been given a satisfaction questionnaire to complete so I will make sure that I mention what happened tactfully - as I really wouldn't want another poor woman to be in that position.
I also think that they ought to give patients more time to consider the forms and the implications of their decisions - even if that just means leaving them alone in the room together for 15 minutes whilst they have a chat about it and then helping them to complete the forms. Although in retrospect our decisions probably wouldn't have been different, I would have really welcomed that opportunity.
Misspolar, I am so glad (maybe that's not the right word) to read about your experience with OHSS after the horror story she told us. I have PCO so am higher risk than most for developing it and so it's good to know that it's not a death sentence!
Thanks all for your support.
Lori - I have responded to your post on another thread. I am so very sorry to hear about the news you got at your scan.
Sarah x