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Demanding a c-section under a general due to Tokophobia?

I suffer from tokophobia. Hearing or seeing anything to do with birth makes me physically sick. No offense to the ladies who think birth is beautiful, natural. But I find the whole idea sickening, frightening, disgusting and medievil.

I get so horrified when I see or hear stuff to do with labour & birth. Its made me phsically sick at times.

Other times I've been left so frightened of the idea that this could happen to me I've collapsed, and been left shaking for up to an hour till I've calmed down and it passes.

My husband knows and he is gently encouraging me to seek professional help - I'm hoping that this year I'll be ready to do that. The anonymity of the web is what's allowing me to come forward here.

I read all the time about the 'too posh to push' celebs. How do they 'demand' their c-sections? If you go private (I'd be prepared to do this) can you really just tell them you want one? Can you specify how you want the c-section performed?

I think, if I could have a c-section under a general I could go through with a pregnancy. I couldn't do it if I had to be awake. The idea of actually listening to all of it, the smell of the theatre (I've had a few ops before), the lights. Even the idea of seeing a baby all bloody (before its been cleaned up) just sickens me. I can't do it.

Would appreciate any first hand advice. Knowing I could avoid the horror at the end would go a long way towards actually allowing myself to become pregnant and actually have a family.

Sincere apologies if my unorthodox thoughts on birth / labour have offended anyone. Its not my intention to do so.

Replies

  • You can ask for a c-section, they can't refuse you one & especially if you mkae it clear of your phobia. it is your birth plan & no matter what anyone says, it is YOUR choice & not the doctor or midwives.

    IMO you should visit with your doctor now, prior to getting pregnant to discuss these worries with them so that when they refer you on getting pregnant, to a midwife, that this will all be covered in their referal & that you wont have to go through the process of explainging it all again.

    Good luck
  • I don't agree entirely EmmaLou85. I discussed c-section with my midwife & asked if I was gonna get any issues from anyone & she said not likely. A healthy birth is the wanted end result & someone with a real phobia is not going to be put under undue stress for no reason. My friend also demande c-section for her 2nd child as the first birth was pyscologically disturbing for her & if I have another will be demanding a c-section too for the same reason. I did already discuss this with my gp & diabetic nurse & was told that it wouldn't be an issue either. These were all NHS hospitals, not private.

    She def needs to have all this discussed with her doctor before hand though so that when she is pregnant there is no confusion as to what has to happen.
  • Hi, I think you need to seek psychological help to have any chance of having a c-section on nhs, I must say tho that ime its v difficult to get a section on the nhs. there was a v sad thread on here some months back about a women who wanted a section due to previous sexual abuse but was refused, ended up having a termination.

    regards private i believe it costs up to 15k with extended stay and pre section check up) but not sure if they would do it under general.

    Ive had 2 sections, 1 under general which made it difficukt for ne to bond with babies, so personally would recommend local if you possibly cld.

    cognitive behavourial therapy is available on the nhs and shd help.

    please do not think i am judging you because i think everyone shd have a choice, i know it sound silly but im terrified of ladybirds they make me physically sick and just thinking of them makes me shiver so i know that phobias are real.

    good luck

    xxDBxx
  • Hi, I think generally that c-sections unless for a specific medical reason are not performed, although I have read loads of articles about ladies having c-sections because of genuine phobias like you describe, after all that is a medical condition and as far as I know it is the exception to the rule. Definitely speak to your doctor prior to ttc, if your gp doesnt listen then got to see another one who will, you will find someone who understands and has seen it before and will be willing to give you the birth that you want. Good luck xx
  • This is the original poster. Thank you all for your messages.

    For the few of you who have suggested I seek phychological help this is something I want to do but I am coming to terms with. As I said in my original post - my husband has gently suggested it and I know I need to.

    These fears have left me feeling very unfemine. To be frank its left me totally shattered at times. Like I'm not really a women - because of my inability to do something that most women have no real problems with.

    I've also held back as am afraid of not being taken seriously & being ridiculed.

    Its taken me years to discuss this with my husband, I have one very supportive friend who I've also talked it over with. She has suggested that if we are considering a family then I must seek help PRIOR to trying to conceive. Which is what I'm trying to do.

    I think I'm just looking for confirmation - hope even - that I can have a c-section and that I can have it under a general. If can elect to go that way - it will take that element out of the equation.
  • Why dont you just contact your local hospital and see what they say? it would be much easier to know for sure and it would only take you a phone call. Explain how you feel in regards to child birth and tell them you would not get pregnant if you couldnt have a secion with a general. I hope you get the section as you clearly want kids or you wouldnt be going to this much bother.
    I had a natural birth and it is not lovely or even that natural, its bloody sore and sore for ages after so dont think that your going to be missing out although i did have Ellie with just gas and air, next time i will be demanding pethadine going through the door! LOL xxx
  • Hey, we certainly didnt mean to be insensitive but sometimes in this virtual world i know it comes out that way. Re psychological help its not something to be afraid of, my dh is having it due to things that have happened in his past, it difficult but the results are good.

    Re being unfeminine, it stupid but i feel like that as I am incapable of giving birth. I have been told I have an incomptent cervix so can never have a vbirth, it makes me feel less of a women, im learning not to beat myself up over it, its hard but you need to do the same. xxDBxx
  • Definitely speak to your gp or hospital, you will be surprised by how many times they come across this, I really feel for you feeling shattered and unfeminine but what you have is a phobia, it is nothing you have done or can do to stop it, everybody is scared of something but obviously some phobias have a greater impact on your life than others, I personally never had a problem with giving birth but for me my phobia is thunder, I even panic if I watch the 5 day weather forecast and see that there is a chance it will thunder in those 5 days, I make arrangements that I wont be on my own, I shake and feel physically sick and at the times when I have been alone, if a neighbour is in I will make some excuse to go over to them, if no-one is around I honestly think I will die. It is a scary thing to have but your fear is very real and doesnt make you any less of a person. I really hope for your sake that you manage to get the outcome you want. You could always try googling your phobia and see if you could get some answers that way, like I said in my earlier post I have read in baby mags that tokophobia is the one exception to the c-section rule and if your gp is behind you I really dont think you will have a problem getting one. x
  • I also suffer from tokophobia and wanted to share my experience with you.

    7 years ago I made a visit to my GP and explained my fear of pregnancy and birth and that the only way I could have a baby is if I was promised a c-section. He was very supportive and understanding and prescribed tablets for intrusive thoughts as pregnancy and birth were ruling my life and I also had counselling for several months. I made an appointment with the consultant at my local hospital to ask if I could have an election c-section and that I wanted it in writing. He promptly sent me a letter stating that it would not be a problem.

    When I was ready to try for a baby I double checked that a c-section was still available as I suffered from a lot of paranoia. In April of last year I took the plunge and fell pregnant in June. When I found out I was pregnant my reaction was that I'd made a big mistake and I didn't even want to be with my partner. I was put on fluoxentine (anti-depressant) which did have some very nasty side effects for about 3 weeks, but after the tablets had kicked in I really enjoyed being pregnant. I was very anxious about when the baby would start to move but it was really exciting and a wonderful feeling.

    Towards the end of the pregnancy I tried not to think about what if I didn't get the c-section I wanted - what if I went into labour and it was took quick etc even though the consultant had written in my book that if I went into labour I was to have an emergency c-section!

    I ended up going into hospital 5 weeks early suffering from pre-eclampsia and had to have an emergency c-section anyway. I now have a baby girl who weighed 5lb 6oz.. She is 5 weeks old today.

    The whole experience was nothing like the picture I had built up in my mind. It all seemed a bit too easy.

    I hope my experience helps you to achieve your desire to have a baby. Also this was all done on the NHS.

    Good luck.
  • That's a lovely story Brownfox and I'm glad you didnt receive pressure - congratulations on your baby girl!!!

    I had an emergency c-section and I found it a positive experience....but like doublebubble would have preferred a vaginal birth. However I can totally understand why women suffer from tokophobia. Birth does not feel natural or beautiful, it feels f***ing painful. (I went through most of labour). It wasn't enough to put me off though and oddly I'd like to experience it again.

    I would advise against a general personally as it can affect you bonding with your baby (sorry - but it is true), can also effect breastfeeding xxxxx

  • Hi

    I suffered from Secondary Tokophobia after the birth of my second son and vowed I would never have any more children. Two years ago I fell pregnant with my DD and I practically begged my consultant for an elective C sec. He refused to consider it until I got to 37 weeks and my pregnancy was emotionally a nightmare. I was so ill with worry about the thought of giving birth naturally again and it robbed me of what should have been the happiest 9 months of my life. At my 37 week consultation he agreed to an elective C sec without hesitation after considering the fact that I had given birth twice naturally and the trauma that I suffered during the second birth. My daughter was born in October 07 and I was awake during the op and it was the most dignified, peaceful, calm and controlled birth experience I could have hoped for. Im glad though that I got to experience both birthing methods and Ill always say my first sons birth was an amazing event. Its just a pity that things went so wrong with my second.

    My best advice would be for you to get all the information on tokophobia that you can and present it to your healthcare provider. Im in Scotland so I dont know if the NHS is run differently here but I wouldnt imagine so. Take your case as far up the ladder as you can, you have the choice to make the decision on how your baby comes into the world.

    Wishing you all the best of luck in whatever you decide to do,
    xxxxx
  • Hello,



    I am currently developing an idea for a documentary about women who would like to start a family but suffer with tokophobia (a fear of pregnancy or childbirth). I work for the OR Media, an award-winning documentary company who have a history of making sensitive films on a broad range of subjects, such as -I'm Coping', a film about teenage mental health issues for the BBC.



    I would be really interested in hearing from people who have reached a point in their life when they would very much like to start a family, but are held back by tokophobia, to find out more about their experiences. You can contact me on 020 7440 3427 or hannah@ormedia.co.uk Obviously any conversations would be treated completely confidentially.



    Best wishes,



    Hannah
  • I always though that at the back of my mind, there was an underlying fear for giving birth naturally.  I got married and unfortunatley we couldn't get pregnant so tried for IVF.  This didn't work either but rather than push the matter, we were both rather relaxed about the whole thing and never got round to the next trial as we split up.

    At 34, I found myself in a new realtionship and after a year we became pregnant. About 4/5 months into my pregnancy, when I started showing properly, thats when it hit me. I would have to actually give birth to this thing inside me.  I went to the midwife on a routine app and completley broke down. She was rather shocked I think and referred me to see a consultant to discuss a C Sect. She was very understanding of the matter however and wrote a long email to the doctor I would see explaining the matter.

    When my appointment came around with the consultant, she could not have been more unsympathetic if she had tried, either choosing to not have read the email prior to my attendance or reading it and not having an ounce of understanding of the fear that I have or the condition.  (I have since written a letter of complaint). She agreed that I could have a C Section but purely because 'Well I suppose I can't refuse you to have one'.... I cannot and could not tell you now, the main reason that I am so scared of the process because I cant simply pin point it down to one particular area.  The thought of blood on my thighs, the baby ripping me apart, the pain.  Sorry if that's graphic, but its the truth.  I also have a pelvis that tilts the wrong way, nerve problems with my back and a cervix the size of a pin head, but these are the least of my issues compared to the fear that I have. 

    In my opinion, there is not enough knowledge of Tokophobia, or education in the matter.  Even long term friends of mine who have children, can simply not understand my reasoning of wanting a major operation over doing it naturally.  I am fed up of having to explain myself to people that have no idea of the condition or see it as a get out.  I 100% know that a C Set is the right decision for me and I am so much more relaxed after knowng that I could have one.  Before, I was not enjoying my pregnancy (which I should have been as I have had no problems whatsoever, note even morning sickness) and at 35, I know that I can finally relax and look forward to meeting my baby girl. 

    I think that part of the reason that I have left it so long to have children, was the fear that I had of a natural birth.  Now, I have wasted quite a lot of my reproductive life, worried about this and the possibility do be able to opt for a C Sect, could not have happened sooner.  I may still have been waiting if this was not available, may be never to have children at all. 

    A Section IS a major operation, yes there are risks, just as there are in ANY operation but there are also risks in natural birth.  It should be the mothers right to be able to decide how she feels about birth.  For everyone who thinks that its a waste of NHS money (as I have encountered this argument as well), I have been paying my taxes and NationaI Insurance for 19 years, from when I first started working, without not once claiming any benifits or hand outs from the state.  Why shouldn't I now be able to use the service to which I have been paying into all that time ?

     

    A final note, I wish you all well with your births and in becomming mothers, don't be pushed into anything you don't want to do and be strong x

  • I don't have Tokophobia and have had two natural vaginal births.  I was quite surpsrised by this as I have hypermobility syndrome and everybody on my maternal side (even my sister) had always given birth by c-sec so I half expected I would end up the same.

    I did have my concerns towards the end of pregnancy about what I would go through each time as every birth is different and nobody can ever tell you exactly what will happen.  It is hard work giving birth (hence the name labour) and the pain is intense but our bodies are designed for it.  My own phobia I had to over come is my fear of needles (and being rhesus neg I had the added joy of anti-d jabs) but my 2 girls make me proud I made the choice I did.

  • Thank you rufusdufus77 for your post.I am crying with relief that someone is similar to me. I am so glad that the fear I have felt since my late teens has a name and the feelings I have aren't just limited to me being wierd as many people have made me feel this.(if I hear but it's natural one more time I swear I will punch the person saying it, Dr or not !)

    I am going to ring my Dr surgery tomorrow and explain I want someone who has dealt with Tokophobia and not get fobbed off again because at 36 this might not happen for me and I have to try.

    I am so relieved I am not alone in my fears and I really love my husband I didn't want to divorce him just because of this fear 

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