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F.A.O arg - sorry if i'm pestering you

Hey arg - don't know if you remember but you replied to my post in labour and birth about third labours and i said this time i'd be planning homebirth and would probably end up completely badgering you about things. i'm only 13wks pregnant but after previously feeling petrified about the labour i'm now quite excited about having a homebirth and feel almost giddy when i visualise it - do you think this is setting myself up for a fall if it all goes pear shaped - my midwife is super and very pro homebirth but says they tend not to set any plans in stone until after 35wks which freaks me out a bit - also (sorry if i'm banging on a bit) but i've been placed under consultant led care because of the fact my little boy (baby number 2) arrived so fast and have to see her after my 20 wk scan - my midwife says its just routine if you have an obscure birth experience - but she can't insist i go to hospital can she? That's a silly question isn't it its up to me in the end i suppose. Also what did you do with your other two children?
Thank you
Jo x

[Modified by: Jojomummy on 05 March 2009 10:52:40 ]


  • Hi jojomummy - I really am more than happy to answer anything on home births so feel free to ask away!! Just be warned that I am prone to going on a bit when talking about my favourite subject of home births!
    I completely understand where you are coming from worrying about getting too excited in case something goes wrong but in a wierd way I think that your excitement and giddy feeling will just help it all to work out as it did with me. After so many problems with my first 2, my chances of the home water birth that I was so desperate for were probably quite slim but in my mind it wasn't an option to go into hospital. I wanted a home birth SO much and like you are now, I was so excited, I couldn't wait to go into labour. I do believe that your positive feelings help towards having a positive labour (so that even if something does go wrong and you end up going into hospital for some reason, you will still feel better than if you were in hospital from the start - I can't remember if I mentioned it before but I did actually have to go to the hospital for stitches but absolutely nothing could have spoilt the elation I was feeling from having had my baby at home and it was so insignificant compared to the wonderful day I had had that I barely remember the hospital part).
    We had everything planned exactly how we wanted to and it was so empowering. When you are at home you just feel so in control of everything because you are and it prepares you so well for a wonderful labour and birth in your own home.
    I actually started to have reflexology a few weeks before my due date and chose a reflexologist who did home visits so that I could get used to being relaxed at home before the labour. I would just lie in her chair for an hour and imagine what my birth would be like and feel so excited,safe and happy.
    It is great that your midwife is so supportive. If a fast delivery with your son is the only reason you are under consultant care then you have nothing to worry about - the best place for someone who has quick labours to be is at home!! Yes it is up to you and they can't make you go in. The only thing which would have made me agree to go in to hospital would have been meconium in my waters but it is thought that babies pass meconium when they are stressed so if you are calm and prepared for your wonderful birth then hopefully your baby will be too.
    Although everything else was planned and organised, we could not actually plan what to do with the boys as we had no-one to look after them. That would usually have stressed me a bit but I was so calm about the whole thing that I just knew everything would just work out (not ideal, but it did!) We kept thinking that baby would arrive in the middle of the night then the boys would be in bed but they were at school/nursery when my waters broke at 2.30pm and I just managed to make arrangements before the contractions came thick and fast. My oldest went to a friends after school then another friend (with 3 of her own children who then had to make arrangements for them) picked them both up and took them to their swimming lesson then drove around thinking that my hubby was going to phone when they could come home but we were wondering where they were so late after swimming had finished!) They then came home and met their new baby sister which was so special and again better being at home. My advice would be to make arrangements if poss but plenty of people I know have had their chidren around at a home birth which is quite nice in some ways too (how old are they?)
    What area do you live in?
    Hope that helps - am happy to give support and encouragement whenever you need it!! xx
  • I hope you don't mind me butting in? I had a fantastic home birth with my 1st baby and had the next 2 in a midwife unit (because we moved) now i have desided i'm having my next one (due in April) at home and my midwife has said she will suport me! But even with my fourth I'm the same as you i want to plan everything now! i'm 29 weeks now but the midwife won't plan anything tili'm 36 weeks which seems like years away. I'm so excited and feel like a weight has been lifted now i have made the choice. And I agree I think a possitive attitude really helps! if you are looking forward to the birth even if it doesn't go to plan you feel more relax and in control. Michelle
  • Hi, my daughter was 3 last week and my son is almost 16 months - the age gap has worked well for us (21months between them and about the same this time too) - my mum is only 15 mins away and is fab with the little ones and it wouldn't be problem to collect them but it would be great and ideal to labour through the night and just have this wonderful bundle when they wake up...... just too perfect so doubt it. My husband is really excited about a home birth and after last time has no fear as he delivered our son alone - he does now think he is now more equiped than the midwife!!!! He will keep me calm and together and he's very good and giving me strength - my biggest fear is him missing it - i would be deverstated. We're based in yorkshire and our nearest hospital only has midwife led care, they don't have full maternity services - they do however have a wonderful brand new birthcentre which is more like a spa but i want to be at home in my space with my things, Thanks arg the thought of having to go to hospital for stitches has worried me and i feared it would take the joy off it -its really reassured me that this won't happen. Hey Michelle, feel free to join in, i'm Jo pleased to meet you. Gosh number 4 you're brave although saying that my plan is for a big brood. Also did either of you tell everybody that you we're planning a homebirth. I've tested the water with friends and family, and although ultimately they would support any choice i make i've had lots of negative comments and face gestures. So thinking of just keeping my choice to myself except for my mum who quite frankly thinks everyone should give birth at home unless medical reasons prevent it - having had 5 homebirths like shelling peas - with the exception of number 3 who she admits was awkward and painful!!
    OK i've waffled on i must learn when to stop typing - thanks ladies. Jo xxxxx
  • Hi Jo - it's great that your husband is as excited as you are, mine was too and we both have so many fantastic memories about the day which were just little things but ones that wouldn't have happened if we had been in hospital. We were having our internet changed from business to personal and bt just happened to choose the morning I went in to labour to disconnect us so we were in the study on the phone trying to sort it out as we had lots of friends to email once lo arrived and as I stood up from the chair I had a massive gush of water all over the chair and floor - the only room in the house without sheets on!! Also, we get lots of commuters parking in our road as we are close to the station and one young guy parked opposite our drive so I went out and said to him "I'm sorry but you can't park there as I am having my baby at home today and will need the parking space!"
    It was also a special "eat with your child" day at school and as I had started to trickle in the morning as we were taking my oldest son to school we had warned him that we might not make it for lunch but my husband ended up going while I had a wonderful hour of sleep in the comfort of my own bed then soon after he got home with me relaxed and rested I went into full labour and lo was born 2 1/2 hours later.
    There are just so many wonderful things associated with my home birth and I reallly hope that you have a great one too.
    It is great that your mum is so close so she can get your children if necessary. If I was being really honest, I had had to think that it would be ok and even nice if the boys were there for the birth in case we didn't have anyone to look after them, but acutally at the time it was more helpful for me to have hubby's undivided attention, a quiet, calm environment and just my baby to focus on rather than the boys around too.
    Everyone knew I was having a home birth but I have never really cared what people think (am still breastfeeding my 22 month old and get comments from people but I will do what suits me and my daughter and nobody else's remarks bother me at all!). It has always been my dream to have a home water birth and no person could have stopped me! Maybe you shouldn't tell people that might be negative but on the other hand, you have made your decision and you are excited about it so just tell people anyway - it will hep you to re-inforce your decision and feel even more in control. You have our support and more importantly you have the support of your husband and your mum so no-one else should matter!
    You are not waffling (as much as me amyway!) type away as much as you want to! xx
  • Gosh i hadn't thought about what would have to be covered in plastic - after i had Felix it looked like somebody had been murdered on my bedroom floor although it wasn't a controlled birth and as i remember i did fling myself around a bit. I am hoping to hire a birthpool but how warm can you have the water i'm guessing it has to be fairly cool or blood/body temperature at the most. We're lucky the house is modern and open plan with mainly wipe easy surfaces there's heaps of space and my midwife says she hopes it is her who get to be here to deliver me if all goes to plan - but still think we'll need to protect rugs and sofas etc - can you buy homebirth kits that kind of have all the things you might need or is it case of improvising and a trip to B&Q for plastic sheeting lol !!! I'm due 10th August which at times feels like eons away but then when i consider that i'm 14wks tomorrow and it seems like we only did the test yesterday i think it will come round very fast. I loved breastfeeding my littles ones, i fed my daughter till she was 14 months and stopped as it was hard being three months pregnant and having lots of conflicting hormones and my son lost interest just after his 1st birthday and when he did i have to admit i cried!!! Actually, when my son was a few weeks old my little girl was facinated when i fed him and one day she just helped herself when i was in the middle of a feed - after about 30 seconds she just pulled an odd face and never tried it again lol . I know quite a few mums who have breast fed till around two and they gave up led by their children not by what other people think or the books say. I've never really been that bothered by what people think but i might get cross with anyone who tries to put me off as i now want it so much.
    Jo x
  • Hi - apart from the study (which has since fully recovered and you would never guess that it got soaked) it was actually a really clean birth as we stayed in the pool for 20 mins after delivery until the cord stopped pulsating and all the blood from my tear was in the pool water. We were in the conservatory with easy to wipe floor tiles too. It was so lovely in there as if felt as if we were outside with the sun shining through the roof. Fortunately for the neighbours and after a lot of problems with the first company we were using, we managed to have blinds fitted 2 weeks before she was born!
    The pool needs to be quite warm and topped up in labour - if you hire a pool it will come with a thermometer (what area do you live in?). It is definately worth having a trial go at filling it up as we found that there wasn't quite enough hot water in our tank to fill up the pool. The boys put on their goggles and had a fun afternoon in the pool. We have got some fantastic photos of all the labour (including some of just her head out looking up at us!). We really enjoy scrapbooking and I have nearly filled up one album just on pregnancy and up until her birth day!
    yes, defo B&Q - just get some cheap plastic sheets.
    Will you find out what you are having? xx
  • We're based up in yorkshire and although i'm not aware of any local companies doing pools i know there are loads out there. I'll ask at our next NCT branch meeting if anyone has any recommendations - it tends to be a good port of call for these things. We won't be finding out what we're having, its just not something that crosses my mind to even ask at the scans, i love surprises and my husband does too. I don't mind what we have and i just love that moment when you see what you've got. With regards to scrapbooks and photo albums it is one area of my life which is sooooooooooo organised i'm always taking pictures, keeping tickets and tokens from days out and visits, writing down the wierd and wonderful things they say. I'm always showing my children photos, especially as my dad passed away last year i'm determined they will know him and on some level at least he will feature in their lives. Gosh i'm just picturiing my little ones in the pool now ......madness!!!
  • It's fabulous to read about your thoughts and experiences - I am planning a homebirth for my baby due in april, and it's my first. generally I feel really happy and pleased, and other times I feel quite scared because it's such an unknown having never been through labour and birth before. It's reassuring to read other people's posts, and it helps me feel contented that I'm doing the right thing! My husband is really supportive, as is my midwife, and I've had a very uncomplicated pregnancy so far (I'm now 31 weeks) so I hope it will all go to plan.
  • Hi hope you don't mind i'm crashing again. But just to say look in the paper and on e-bay for a pool. I got mine for ??40 instead of ??145 and it was un-used! The girl had bought it but then desided to go to hospital! and as for plastic sheets i have brought 2 "smart price" shower curtins 87p each as was recomended because they are non slip. Michelle
  • jovictoria - you are doing the right thing!! I will always be so so glad that I had a wonderful home birth with my 3rd but also feel that I missed out a bit not being able to have home births with my first 2.

    michelle - crash away! you and jovictoria are both due in April - can't wait to hear about your births!! Can I also pick your brain for thoughts on having a 4th child as it is an on going dilemma for me (how old are your others?) did you always plan to have 4 (or more?) children?

    Jojomummy - how are you?
  • Hello all, i'm well apart from very vivid nightmares about labour - they're not putting me off in anyway but very freaky as i don't recall getting them with the first two. It must be hormones causing them as i'm having no dark thoughts in the cold light of day. I've just booked hubby and i in for a yoga workshop later in the year which has specific techniques to try during labour - quite looking forward to it and hubby is keen too - he loves been involved. Hey Jovictoria, best wishes for April you obviously have great support and peace of mind which is so important. And Michelle thanks for the paper and shower curtain tips, hope you're well. arg i say go for it have another, its easier said than done i know, but i know i'll keep going and it obviously suits you too xx
  • Hi arg my kids are 13+1/2, 4 and nearly 3. My first was an only child for 9+1/2 years which she and i hated. she wanted brothers and sisters to play with. I always wanted 4 ( now i'm thinking maybe 5! but don't tell anyone! LOL) I aiso wanted them all close together. that didn't happen but we can't always help that. I had a MC 1+1/2 years ago and wasn't sure i wanted to try again but I just love babies and Im like you I also love giving birth. Having 4 won't be easy as the little 3 will have to share one room. (I have 1 boy, 1 girl now and am expecting another boy) My eldest had her own room although it is small and i don't think i can expect her to share it with a 3 year old. But I can't see the problem with the little ones sharing and hopefully we will be in the position to add a bedroom before it becomes a problem.
  • Hi jojomummy - I remember having vivid dreams whilst pregnant. One was that I gave birth to a cat which was quite distressing as I don't really like cats much!!! It's great that hubby is keen and loves to get involved, mine is too and it is a great support.

    Michelle - thanks for telling me about your children, how is your oldest with the younger ones? Will she or any of your children be there for your home birth?
  • Hi jojomummy - I remember having vivid dreams whilst pregnant. One was that I gave birth to a cat which was quite distressing as I don't really like cats much!!! It's great that hubby is keen and loves to get involved, mine is too and it is a great support.

    Michelle - thanks for telling me about your children, how is your oldest with the younger ones? Will she or any of your children be there for your home birth?
  • Hi there, I'm having some very strange dreams too which is wierd as i never dream or at least i don't remember them. LOL.
    I think the little 2 will be at the birth as long as they are not upset (i have ordered a book called "our water baby" to read to them) my mom will be here to take them upstairs or to her house if they are upset. The oldest isn't sure she said she would like to be here but she might go to her room, she will see how she feels.
    I'm more worried about the kids "playing up" and the OH shouting at them as this would totaly stress me out at the time i want to be most calm!!!
  • Hi Michelle, "Our Water Baby" is good, the Author Amy is a friend of mine and she wrote the book based on her own experience with her oldest boy Oliver being the child in the book.
    I have to say that based on my experience, I thought it would be really nice if the boys were around for the birth but they weren't and looking back I feel that the birth went so much better without them being there because I had no distractions which there just would have been if they had been there.
    You are a mother and if your children are there you would still be thinking of them to some extent which will distract you.Whilst I was in the pool and 10 mins before I delivered, our friend came to pick up the boys swimming things as she was picking them up then taking them swimming and despite me being completely focused on my labour I was still thinking about the boys because in the middle of a contraction I shouted out to our friend the password to collect my youngest from nursery. The midwife said "once a mother always a mother" which is true. Maybe you should let your mum take them to her house so that you can have your hubby to yourself and you be able to concentrate on having a wonderful birth?
    It sounds very sensible of your oldest daughter to see how she feels at the time. What do you think? Do you think she will want to watch? xx
  • Hi Arg
    I think you are right about being distracted if they are here, I think we have just got to play it by ear. Hopefully the baby will be born at night and they'll sleep through it? but maybe not! LOL
    I'm not sure about my oldest? the good thing is having the LO's around has put her off EVER having kids (she say's she wants a sports car instead! LOL) She is 13 so she had got 15 or 20 years to change her mind! LOL x
  • Hey hope everyone is well - what to with little ones is playing on my mind too. My daughter will only be 3 1/2 and son only 22 months by the time my due date arrives (still ages yet got another 22wks to go) and i'm concerned with scaring them - if my previous experiences are anything to go by they would could be petrified as i am rather vocal whilst in labour to say the least lol - although my daughter was only 20 months when my son was born and she slept through it - i doubt i'll get such a fast birth this time or at such a good time of day. Hmmm may just have to play this one by ear.
    Jo xxxx
  • Hi Jo I just wanted to ask you a question from the large families forum - the fact that you have lots of siblings and have all got fantastic jobs is really reassuring as I always worry that if I have anymore they wouldn't do as well at school as I wouldn't have as much time for them - although the 2 of mine that are at school are both top of their class so they're doing ok so far.
    My question is what months of the year were you and your brothers and sisters born in? That is the other thing that plays on my mind as I would love a summer baby but am aware that they might struggle at school -although I do have a July male friend who is a doctor. What do you think? xx
  • hello crashing again! LOL
    My eldest is an August baby and one of the youngest in her year but she is in the top set in all of the subjects at school. We have just been to the options evening at school and have been told she can do any subject she wants and of she wants to do more she can take extra subjects at A level even if she has not done them at GCSE! Sorry about bragging!! I'm just so proud!! With the little 2 they are both at pre school and do well they often get "stickers" for listening well! LOL we have always read to our kids every day and encourage them to look at books and play games. As they get older and have homework etc their big sister will be there to help them with anything we don't understand (i'm sure that will be alot! LOL)
    I don't think the month you are born really makes that much difference both of my brothers where born in Jan and one brother left school with really good exam (A level) results and has a brillant office based job and the other left hardly being able to read (he can read but at 31 had only ever read 2 books through choice!) but he has still gone on to have a great job and be sucsessful in a more creative job. ? x
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