Second homebirth....what to do with a 2yr old?

Replies

• babs4

  Oct 27, 2008 6:37AM

  Hi there,
  I have had two homebirths, my first daughter was born over night but my son (then 2) woke up. Like you I don't have any family nearby so It was just hubby and I. My son was fine as he went back to bed but woke again a little while later. He was in the room at the head end!!! To be honest I think he was just happy to be with us and too sleepy to be bothered about the weird noises mummy was making!!lol.
  My second homebirth(third baby) was again overnight and again my son woke up (then 5) and my eldest daughter slept through.
  I think its down to how your labour is going and how settled you and your other half are during the process of labour, your child will pick up on your emotions.
  I did buy a few little games/toys to keep in case I went into labour during the day so that My kids would have something special and new to keep them occupied at the crucial point!!
  If your in labour during the day i think you and your other half might need to think up a action plan so he's able to juggle giving you the support you need and caring for your little one. My hubby and I basically said that if I'm happy and the midwife is giving me the support I need then he could go and play with the kids until I need him(it didnt happen like that as I went into labour overnight but its good to make a plan of action)
  I was very lucky and had the same midwife with all my babies and we had a super relationship with her and my kids were very comfortable with her around which I think helped alot too.
  As your child is only two I shouldn't worry too much as the chances are they won't remember much of what happens anyway.
  Not sure if this helps any,
  Good luck

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• lisagreener

  Oct 27, 2008 3:21PM

  Hi Babs, thanks for your reply it's a real help! You were very lucky to have the same midwife, did you hire her independantly? I'm really hoping that it happens at night as that seems to be the best plan so far, although you're right about having a back up.
  
  Did you have water births? I'm slightly worried about the whole birthing pool and toddler mix too!
  
  Lisa. x

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• cuthwyn

  Oct 27, 2008 4:06PM

  Hi Im not much use but I'd thought I'd add that my freinds 2.5 year old loved being with her during her abour! Appenrtly she was even coaxing her on saying stuff like 'push harder Mummy!' and 'Stop being lazy'.
  My friend talked alot about what happens during labour (obviously to the best f her understanding) So she wasnt to shocked and worried about Mummy as she knew what it was all about! She even showed her a picture of the after birth so she wouldnt be scared when it came out! You may not feel this is suitable for your child but I thought I'd just share my friends experiance!

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• babs4

  Oct 28, 2008 8:31AM

  Hi lisa,
  No I didn't have a water birth as I really like to be up and active during labour-I can't stand to be sitting/lying or anything.
  An old friend of mine had twins at home in a huge birthing pool along with her hubby and 3 yr old who had such a super time being with Claire during labour that she announced then and there she wanted 5 babies in a pool!!!lol. She did have an indipendant midwife who was an absolute gem.The after care was alot more frequent and Claire said it was alot more relaxed as there was no pressure or rushing at each appointment.The midwife went to her home before and after so no worries about taking lo to clinic for a while.
  I had an NHS midwife who was more like a family friend than a midwife. I knew her over 7yrs and I was very lucky to have had the same midwife throughout....very rare I know.
  I am gutted though as she has retired this year so once we start trying for baby no'4 It will be really wierd.
  As I said before just plan for everything and anything, even if you don't use some of the its and bits you buy for your daughter at the birth you may find things very useful after!!!!
  Sorry to waffel on, as you can tell I loved having a home birth and do send you lots of luck for yours.
  xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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• millysmum_naomi

  Oct 30, 2008 11:21AM

  Hi Lisa,
  i'm in the same situation as you, i'm planning my first home birth, and my daughter will be 2 and a half. baby is due in 8 weeks ish. For a little while now, we have been watching the baby progs on discovery home and health together. she loves them and she completely understands about the lady having a baby, that it comes out of her "peach" (our name for vagina!) and that the baby has blood on it etc. she surprised me at how into it she is, and she knows that her baby sister will come out of mummy like that. i would like her to be there with me if she is awake as i want her involved but i am prepared for her to be overwhelmed or upset, but there is nothing more i can do to help that, and at the time i probably wont be best placed to comfort her!
  if you've thought of any other ideas, let me know!
  Naomi

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• lisagreener

  Oct 30, 2008 11:45AM

  Ahhh, I think we are lucky to have girls first as from what I've observed they seem to really get into being older sisters. I went to a water birth work shop when I had my first and the speaker showed some slides of homebirths. A few of them included a little girl who looked about 3yrs peering over the water pool at her Mum, and then another of her stripped down to her knickers having skin to skin contact with the baby. The speaker made an interesting comment when she said 'that little girl will grow up understanding birth and never be frightened of it', and that's so true.
  My Mum told be how horrible her labour was with me and how she was cut so much she was losing stiches for weeks!
  
  I think I'll will myself to go into labour at night as much as I can, and my back up plan will be the help of neighbours or friends picking up my daughter if she becomes distressed during the day.

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• Jolli

  Dec 12, 2008 6:47PM

  My 2 and a half year old was present when i went into labour and woke up. My birth took 20 minutes and i was screaming so my son was quite distressed. In between contractions i was trying to reassure him (and my husband) we got him to go and look for the ambulance which distracted him. then after 2 ambulances, 2 midwives, my mum, my mil and my brother (?!) turning up there was enough people to distract him but he was extremely pale and looked quite bewildered and shocked! he was not too distressed then but i'm sure he found it quite worrying. it was an unplanned home birth and it was very quick - i tore extremly badly and spent 5 days in hospital so if it was a planned home birth that you have prepared your child for and there is a midwife on hand then i am sure that would be very different circumstances and a very different stmosphere!

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• lisagreener

  Dec 13, 2008 3:10PM

  My Godness! That sound horrific, poor you and your poor son. Hope he is ok now?
  
  I'm hoping that my second homebirth is very much like the first which was a very calm and peaceful experience. I can't imagine what a shock a labour of 20mins must have been.
  
  Hope you are fully recovered now and can put that behind you. x

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• Jolli

  Dec 15, 2008 4:36PM

  Lordy yes - I'm all fine - it was my second sons 1st birthday last week so i'd been thinking about it again. Although i was in pain it was quick and it was all quite instinctive. my son was fine - Just a bit shocked!! Much better than my 1st labour in hospital that took forever, he got stuck and i had to have forceps. horrid. tore badly then so was likely i would tear again the second time anyhow - him shooting out certainly didn't help tho!!!!
  Best of luck with your home birth - I am sure it will be a much calmer experience than mine!!
  

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