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My story
I am writing this on here because someone told me that if you share a story it might make it easier to deal with...
And I am finding it hard to come to terms with my labour experience. So here it goes:
My waters broke due to ruptured membranes at 32 weeks, on 19th December 2010. I was rushed to a local hospital where I was given steroids and drugs to stop labour from developing. As soon as we arrived we were also told that due to lack of space I would need to be moved to another hospital 100 miles away from home. The local hospital had no incubators in case my baby would arrive there and then...within 2 hours I was in an ambulance on my way, DH had to follow in his car.
I had started contracting by then and carried on contracting for the next 58 hours whilst the doctors did all they could to keep my baby in for a bit longer. I had to have diamorphine (2 injections) which I really really did not want and spent 2 days in bedrest, not even allowed to wash myself. All the while my waters kept leaking.
2 days after my waters had broke I went into labour, I went from not being dialated to 10cm in 40 minutes...the pain was very very intense and non-stop. I tried my hardest to push my daughterout but she was so small that her head did not create enough pressure for me to be able to do it and then she became distressed, I kept hearing the word tacycardic a lot, awful. At that point the doctors decided to take me to theatre and I had a spinal block, my daughter was delivered by forceps about 10 minutes later. I had a 2nd degree tear.
My daughter was taken away immediately to the neonatal icu, I only got to see her for about 10 seconds or so before i was stiched up and taken to recovery. I did not see her again until a few hours later when she was in her incubator.
She had no medical problems, the only issue was the prematurity and being so so small and she is now doing very well and is at home after 5 weeks in hospital. I have only now started to think about the delivery and the labour and how awful it all really was. Every time I see an ambulance I feel anxious...I can't watch anything hospital related on TV and get teary when talking about the birth. This has only started after coming home with her...
I feel that I was robbed of that wonderful birht experience that i waslooking forward to, my daughters birth was surrounded by so much fear and worry. And I feel that I did not give her the best start, my body somehow failed her by not carrying on until full term..her due date should be today but instead she is 7 and half weeks old!
I love her to bits and enjoy every second I have with her and thank god every day that she is so well after being so early but these weird feelings I have about the birth and everything surrounding it is making me feel a little sad sometimes. I'm not sure how to deal with this...and why has it taken this long for me to even think about the whole experience?
Like I said in the start, someone told me to write things down and it might help...but if anyone has had anything remotely similar please let me know how you dealt with it all, will I sort of forget about it all in time...and most importantly have you been courageous enough to have another baby? i really want more children but am so scared to even think about it at the moment.
Thank you for listening...xx
And I am finding it hard to come to terms with my labour experience. So here it goes:
My waters broke due to ruptured membranes at 32 weeks, on 19th December 2010. I was rushed to a local hospital where I was given steroids and drugs to stop labour from developing. As soon as we arrived we were also told that due to lack of space I would need to be moved to another hospital 100 miles away from home. The local hospital had no incubators in case my baby would arrive there and then...within 2 hours I was in an ambulance on my way, DH had to follow in his car.
I had started contracting by then and carried on contracting for the next 58 hours whilst the doctors did all they could to keep my baby in for a bit longer. I had to have diamorphine (2 injections) which I really really did not want and spent 2 days in bedrest, not even allowed to wash myself. All the while my waters kept leaking.
2 days after my waters had broke I went into labour, I went from not being dialated to 10cm in 40 minutes...the pain was very very intense and non-stop. I tried my hardest to push my daughterout but she was so small that her head did not create enough pressure for me to be able to do it and then she became distressed, I kept hearing the word tacycardic a lot, awful. At that point the doctors decided to take me to theatre and I had a spinal block, my daughter was delivered by forceps about 10 minutes later. I had a 2nd degree tear.
My daughter was taken away immediately to the neonatal icu, I only got to see her for about 10 seconds or so before i was stiched up and taken to recovery. I did not see her again until a few hours later when she was in her incubator.
She had no medical problems, the only issue was the prematurity and being so so small and she is now doing very well and is at home after 5 weeks in hospital. I have only now started to think about the delivery and the labour and how awful it all really was. Every time I see an ambulance I feel anxious...I can't watch anything hospital related on TV and get teary when talking about the birth. This has only started after coming home with her...
I feel that I was robbed of that wonderful birht experience that i waslooking forward to, my daughters birth was surrounded by so much fear and worry. And I feel that I did not give her the best start, my body somehow failed her by not carrying on until full term..her due date should be today but instead she is 7 and half weeks old!
I love her to bits and enjoy every second I have with her and thank god every day that she is so well after being so early but these weird feelings I have about the birth and everything surrounding it is making me feel a little sad sometimes. I'm not sure how to deal with this...and why has it taken this long for me to even think about the whole experience?
Like I said in the start, someone told me to write things down and it might help...but if anyone has had anything remotely similar please let me know how you dealt with it all, will I sort of forget about it all in time...and most importantly have you been courageous enough to have another baby? i really want more children but am so scared to even think about it at the moment.
Thank you for listening...xx
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Replies
I hope you start to feel better soon hun. x
this website is great, just remember it will get better with time xxx
I think you're very brave putting this down in writing. I too had a traumatic labour/birth experience and am still too upset by it to put it in writing (ds is nearly 10 months old).
I have to agree with the others that it does get better with time, and that you begin to think about it less. I know how hollow it sounds to remind you of your wonderful little one, but you will start to focus on them and less on their birth. Rather than focussing on a "failure", think how well your body did to carry her for 32 weeks.
I still can't watch any birth related things on TV and have put aside all thoughts of having another child. I found the hospital to be very unsupportive when I wanted to talk to someone but my health visitor (and local nursery nurse) have been terrific.
I'm not sure what my point is, other than you're not alone. It does get better, stitches heal and having talked to friends etc. I'm not sure anyone gets the birth experience they truely wanted.