Traumatic first labour and having more children

Replies

• oscar2

  Nov 29, 2011 6:07PM

  hi magpieuk3
  
  
  
  i really feel for you as having a baby is the most amazing time, you feel so many special emotions but its also very intense and painful and overwhelming, especially when things go wrong.
  
  
  
  I had my first baby in august and was all set for a pool birth at the local birth centre. I had a football sized bump and felt sure i had a small enough baby to push out easy! However, like you i had pains every 5-7 mins for 48 hours, i never slept once as i just couldnt even sit down, i paced around as thats all i could do. I was therefore shattered before it even began. I went to the birth centre and was told i was half a cm dilated. I was so gutted i cried in the car on the way home, it hadnt even started and i was burnt out. They gave me an internal to try and help get things started, when i got home i had a hot bath (as advised) and tried to lie on my side even though i knew it was futile! My waters went with a gush and after that i had the most terrible pains radiating everywhere below my waist, tummy,back, legs - one after another. I was terrified. I begged my OH to take me to my consultant unit, not the birth centre (this was embarassing as i work at the birth centre!) but i knew it had taken so long to get started that somewthing probably wasnt right.
  
  
  
  When i got there i was 3 cm contracting like mad and pushing. I was asking for an epidural and theoretically was not even in established labour until 4cm.The baby was back to back, deflexed (they should be born with chin tucked in but he was looking up) and head tilted. The hospital was so busy it was about to shut, the other hospital in the city was already shut and there was only one anaethetist on. I was given gas and air which helped a bit and i felt better that they hadnt sent me home (i couldnt even walk to the car, let alone get home). I was also keytotic (keytones in my wee due to my body burning fat - unsurprising after my body working so hard for so long), these can slow labour down.
  
  
  
  I waited 2 hours for an epidural and then it had to be re sited as it didnt work properly so i waited 6 hours in total from arriving to being comfortable. However, my care was fab and i felt supported all the way through. I ended up with a ventouse as LO was distressed and i could hardly feel to push. I had a nasty episiotomy that made one buttock go black (!) and my LO had a muscle injury to his neck. For some reason i swelled up everywhere - my mouth also swelled up due to an allergic reaction to gas and air mouthpiece. My LO was bad tempered as he was in pain and didnt want to feed. There were no beds on the ward, i felt rough, not slept at all in 3 days and LO did not feed for first 17 hours. Had the birth centre not been an option i would have had to go home like you - its unthinkable to me as i spent 5 days at the home from home unit. I was given so much tlc and help to BF, they took LO to give me a few hours sleep when i arrived and then he had his first feed. Things got better from there.
  
  
  
  I'm pretty sure if id gone home with me and LO feeling so awful it would have been a different story. We succeeded at breast feeding and i feel emotionally well because of the fab care i had both in labour, but also afterwards. It sounds like you (like most women in this country) were made to go home too soon and i can understand how exhuasted and down you must have felt being so anaemic and being readmitted. I can totally understand how it initially affected you bonding with your LO and how it might make you feel sad and worried about next time. Straight afterwards i said never again but am now beginning to work through my fears and i recognise that the love i have for LO will probably make me want to do this again at some point.
  
  
  
  There has been a lot in the media lately about cesarian as a choice and i think if you pushed this with them they would allow it - but its major surgery, tough to recover from with a newborn and of course things can still go wrong (sorry to sound grim!) . Are there any birth centres around where you live? There is no catchment area to birth centres and i think whatever birth you might have it would be worth looking at this as an option for aftercare - it helped so much with my physical and emotional recovery. The other thing to remember is that 2nd labours tend to happen more efficiently Ive resolved not to be a hero next time, to watch how things go and if it seems the same thing is happening ill take the epidural. Id like a waterbirth as i know ive got a good chance of having a quicker labour and avoiding a horrible episiotomy and neck/head pain for the baby - however, some things are out of my control and it makes more sense to deal with the reality as it comes. Even if i have a straight forward birth, i won't miss out on the fab after care i got as this made me ready for mummyhood and nursed me back to life.
  
  
  
  I know my experience was probably not as traumatic as yours (I know it wasnt cause for a start i was well looked after and it doesnt sound like you were :roll: ) most hospitals run a birth reflection service, it might be worth going through your notes with someone who can explain events better to you - it might help with laying things to rest and moving forward. Hope ive not rambled too much! x

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• oscar2

  Nov 29, 2011 6:12PM

  also, i think after a first most people feel they could never do it again for a while, but you only have to look at how few one child families there are to realise this lifts for most people. Be kind to yourself and give it time. My OH is yet to be convinced about a second! x

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• Magpie

  Nov 30, 2011 3:40PM

  Thank you so much for your reply. I think it even just helps to know that other people have been through similar to what happened to me, as there was definitely an element of wondering why my body couldn't do what it was supposed to properly and it helps me to realise it was just one of those things. Of course I am sorry you had such a horrible time of it too, but it is so good that the brilliant care you received helped you to feel quite positive afterwards.
  
  
  
  It's amazing how different the levels of care can be isn't it, as that definitely contributed to me feeling bad about the experience. Apart from being continually sent away for days, once I had the baby I had moody midwives and conflicting advice. I sat in my bed without being cleaned up for about 7 hours, and no one bothered to take out my catheter for hours and hours after they were supposed to, so even though I was left with my baby I couldn't look after him properly. I was woken up every hour that night as my boy had to keep having heel prick tests to check his blood sugar so I still didn't get to sleep, I have never known exhaustion like it! Also before I moved to the ward one midwife told me to dress Thomas and under no circumstances let him have formula, and then when I got to the ward another midwive stripped him all off again saying I needed skin to skin and said I had to give him formula because of his blood sugar! It was a nightmare. The next day I asked for help with breast feeding and no one ever came, I was just left without a clue about what was going on and by the evening just assumed I wouldn't be going home that day! I only breast fed for a week because no one had helped me and I just couldn't get him to latch on properly.
  
  
  
  I have been coming to the same conclusion about the cesarean actually, as I have been researching and talking to friends who have had them and I don't think that would be the answer, especially as I did actually heal physically quite quickly and well. People do seem to think second labours are better, and I guess it's important for us to remember that no two labours are the same rather than assuming it would be just as bad! I will definitely be looking into birth centres though, as I don't think I would have been as traumatised if my aftercare had been different.
  
  
  
  The birth reflection sounds like a brilliant idea too, as I think it would really help me to talk through what happened and why, and chances of things happening again etc. I am definitely going to look into that. And I think you are right about needing to give it time too, I keep telling myself it is far too early to be worrying about it yet and I a sure I will feel differently in a year or two! My other half is the same too, he is saying one is enough after that!
  
  
  
  Thank you again for your reply, it really does help me to hear of other peoples experiences and you have offered some really fab and helpful advice. I am so glad you are enjoying your little one and haven't been out off doing it again! Xxx

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• oscar2

  Nov 30, 2011 4:55PM

  hi magpie
  
  
  
  it sounds like what you're feeling is normal and you're just working your way through it all which is healthy. I see the fact that i have laboured once and delivered vaginally as a plus - if id had a caesarean, a second labour would be like a first - we've both done the hard bit having our first! Hopefully if we end up there again our little boys have paved the way for easier times
  
  
  
  remember nothing that happened was your fault - you sound like an amazing mummy and tbh (despite not knowing you lol) it sounds like you love motherhood and your LO too much not to consider another baby. I think most people dont feel instant love for there LO as soon as they see them, you have to get to know them first and when you are treated well the bond comes quicker. Sounds like you bonded once you stopped feeling so shattered and stressed and that you are enjoying motherhood now.
  
  
  
  I feel sad when my OH says maybe never again - for my LO more than anything. I dont know yet how id face another labour, but i know ill hit a point where ill want to. Keep in touch, born in august is not very busy yet but im still around and hoping to keep in touch with other august mummies! x

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• Magpie

  Dec 21, 2011 10:44AM

  Hello again,
  
  
  
  Sorry it has taken me such a long time to reply, I don't get on a computer very often at the moment!!
  
  
  
  Thank you for your lovely comments. Everything you have said is really very helpful to me, you are very wise! Haha.
  
  
  
  I definitely feel happy that after all that happened I managed to deliver vaginally, as like you say hopefully that will make next time easier.
  
  
  
  My hubby is also now saying he doesn't want any more, but who knows how he or I will feel in a few years time. I hope your husband comes round to the idea of another so when you feel the time is right you don't have that to worry about.
  
  
  
  Thanks again for your lovely replies, and I hope you have a really lovely Christmas with your new little family!

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• Gickey Gickey

  Apr 26, 2012 12:26AM

  16 yrs ago, I had my first baby a boy. I was in slow labour for over 10 days and in the end a bigger hospital whisked me in because in their opinion "I had laboured too long!!" They decided to speed my labour up and broke my waters, where upon the midwife on duty went off for here break seeing as I was only 3 cms dilated 'and would be hours yet" She was wrong, leaving me with her nurse I dilated 7cms in approx 20 mins. Frantic to push, the nurse shushed me and said it was just pain and they'd give me some pain killer when my midwife got back. She was gone for quite a while and when she came back, she said she'd sort some pain killer out for me after examining me. I was fully dilated, no pain killer for me!!!!!!!! She panicked, ripped everything out of packets and told me I could start pushing, but I struggled. The 10 days of slow labour and holding back on pushing had left me absolutely exhausted!!!! For 2 hrs I struggled and struggled, I tore badly all through my back passage and she performed and episiotomy and when through a vein. My baby then became sverely distressed and meconiumed inside me, his heart rate was dipping and I then passed out. When I came too, the room was full of people, machines going off everywhere and my mum and sister sobbing. They managed to get my baby out, but yeh my body was managled and my little man was not great. It took several hours for them to stitch me up and repair me properly and through pure luck I didn't need a transfusion, they really thought I would have but I was just ok. It then took about 18 months to heal properly downstairs. I vowed never to have any more and my dr was dubious about me having any more. About 3 yrs ago I feel pregnant and at nrly 4 months we found out our baby had died at 11 weeks and 6 days, heart wrenching, 3 months later we decided to try this time and we feel pregnant again. Was a difficult pregnancy, I had bleeding, kidney infections and right at the end they said my liver was playing up and my kidneys were struggling to cope. About 3 weeks before my due date, I woke up bleeding. I called my mum and she advised me to see how it went if it got worse to call the hospital, it did, so I did. They said to come straight in. When we got their a consultant came down and I was assessed, apparently I was bleeding "quite substanitly" so a portable scan was brought down to see where it was coming from and to check on baby, he was fine but no clue to the blood. They then examined me internally and asked if I was in any pain. To which I said "no why???" "because your 6 cms dilated" whoops!!!!!! They popped my waters, I had 5 immense contractions in 20 mins and he was born 28 mins after that, my whole labour was 48 mins. Oh and the bleeding turned out to be a placental abruption, luckily my labour was quick else the out cone could have been a different story. I ended up with only second degree tearing this time, they held my perineum so it didn't tear, it went up past my clitorus instead, and I would not let them cut me this time so I healed cleanly and quickly. A much better birth all round.

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