my traumatic birth

Hiya my birth was very hard and difficult and I thought I would of got over how bad it was by now because it was over a year ago I was just wondering if anyone has similar stories and how they over come it please. Here is my story..... I went into labour 5 day's after my due date my pains begun at 11pm on the 29th of December they wasnt that bad so I thought I would get a good nights rest before it kicks in. I was woken up by extrordany pain at 4:30am on the 30th I went straight to the hospital and they turned me away because I was only 3cm I went home and was in pain for another 12 hours paracetamol didn't work I just threw it up as soon as it went down my family said it was about time I went back to hospital because they thought I was close to giving birth how much pain I was in so they convinced me to go back ( I didn't want to how bad they treated me the last time) when I got there I fell to the lobby floor screaming I was in so much pain they was every 1 minute apart they thought I was ready so wheeled me into a room they checked to see how far gone I was and then the doctor turned around to my mum and said she is only 4cm the doctor told the nurses to bring me gas and air and said keep a close eye on her. Every hour from there I dialated 1cm every hour until I got to 8cm when they left me for another 4 hours to see if I would dilate but I didnt so the doctor come in and told me that they will have to give me an emergency c-section ( one of my worst fears I had while preagnant) I signed and agreed that was the best for my daughter but they told me no one could be with me as they was putting me asleep and I would wake up to my little girl as they prepared everything they wealed me into theatre where there was about 20 doctors and nurses this is when I started to panic they left me just laying on the table by my self in pain with no pain killers for about half an hour then they went to put me under as I screamed out I need to push they checked me and said I was 10 and next contraction push so I pushed it took about an hour to get her out with 3 doctors one had forceps one had suction cup and the other one had both there hands in me trying to get my daughter out they finally did but she was not breathing the worst thing that could ever happen to any mother they took het away and got her breathing I over herd the two nurses saying I dont want to tell her you tell her at this point I was screaming what's happening one of the nurse's come over and said your daughter is not breathing properly and we have to take her to the IC unit about 8 hours later they brought her to me and said she is doing really well and can stay here with you now I was so pleased she was going to be ok. In the morning the doctor come and checked us both out and said you daughter is very well and doing great but I'm very sorry to tell you that you can't go home for a while as your flametry has gone up 200 percent it looked like I was heavy preagnant again he said we are very worried about you in case you hemridge but by the next day I had enuff of how poorly they was treating me and my daughter so I said if my daughters healthy I want to take her home they checked her and said she is fine to go home but I couldn't so I discharged myself a few days later they came to visit and said my daughter is healthy but they want give me a scan so I agreed after I went to hospital for scan they sent me a letter explaining that my whom was twisted and I would need an operation I didn't want one as what I went through I didn't want any more kids my daughter had been having problems since 3 week's old she was diagnosed with reflux and got youmonia at 9 month's old and was just diagnosed with weat intolerance I am scared incase something bad happens again and I can't take seeing my daughter in pain all the time I feel like I have failed her not beeing strong enuff not to