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Me too!
Thank goodness for this forum!! I had a horrible birth-not in a painful way, just mentally afterwards. My LO was scanned at 34 weeks, because I was only 30cms, and he was breech. "No problem" they said "there's time for him to turn". I saw CMW at 39 weeks, and was told to go to the hospital (after she'dphoned them) because I had pre eclampsia. "I don't think I'll be seeing you at 40 weeks-I think you'll be induced, and won't be coming home without your baby"!!!! She said he was head down and engaged. My mum drove me to the hospital, and I rang OH on the way (he was at work) and we agreed that he wouldn't come home until we knew what was happening. To cut a long story short, after waiting a round for 8 hours, I was finally admitted, after being examined by various doctors and midwives, who all said baby was head down. Well. Thank god the registrar had the sense to scan me before inducing me-baby wasn't head down... you've guessed it-he was BUM down, which meant I coldn't be inducd, I ha d to have a c-section. This was the last thing I wanted, so I got upset, just as hubby turned up. My son was born, by c-section, 6 and a half hours later, with me not experiencing one contraction. Lucky you may say, but I felt differently. I felt no overwhelming rush of emotions when they pulled him out of me, and then felt guilty. I knew I loved him, and had no problems bonding with him, just couldn't think of him as mine. I then had a mentalproblem every time someone I knew gave birth-all I felt was jalousy that they'd had a natural delivery, and I felt very cheated that I didn't experence a labour. Even one contraction would have helped my mental state. I'd like to say, I don't normally have mentalhealth isues0I'm NOT a nutcase, I just struggled ( and still do a bit) to accept my c-section. But my relationship wih my son is perfect, always has been.
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I am really sorry you didn't have the birth you wanted. You're not a nutcase, I think I would feel the same in your situation. You must have found it all a bit of a shock as you didn't really have to time to adjust to the thought of having a C-section. You probably considered natural labour through most of your pregnancy, you then thought you were going to be induced and suddenly it's sprung on you your having a c-section. To top it all you probably didn't even contemplate you were having your baby that day so you had a lot to deal with. I also would have felt cheated to not have felt a single contraction.
I had a very fast labour my contractions were one after the other from the beginning and so no time to adjust to the pain (I was induced and have since been told I had a reaction to the pessary and was hyperstimulated). I suffered a third degree tear and when my baby was laid on my tummy I didn't really know she was there as i was in shock. I also didn't feel that rush of love but I think there are a lot of women out there who don't. Mine came a few days later and it just seems to grow and grow each day. Sometimes I feel like I could burst I love her so much.