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Hospital fears


I'm 10 weeks pregnant with my 4th child and am already terrified about the birth. I had hoped to have a homebirth but my midwife was totally dismissive of the idea because of my history.

I have 3 year old twins who were born at 32 weeks by emergency section. I spent most of the pregnancy and 2 weeks afterwards in hospital and I hated it.

When I became pregnant again only 5 months later I insisted on a natural birth and had to fight hard for it. I spoke to 3 different consultants who all made me feel stupid for not taking the easy option of a section, but I had 12 month old toddlers to care for as well and couldn't do that while recovering from surgery. Eventually my consultant agreed on the condition I was monitored constantly in case my scar ruptured. I looked into the risks and discovered there was only a 0.01% chance of this happening.

When my labour started my husband was kicked out of the hospital leaving me alone until my waters broke. I had to ring my husband and mother myself to tell them to come in. When I got to the labour ward I was immediately hooked up to a CCG machine and told not to move so they could monitor my daughters heartbeat. Obviously I was in agony as I couldn't stand, squat or walk off the pain. I ended up begging for an epidural. The birth was awful, I had shooting pain down my leg due to being stuck on my back and the midwife was horrible, telling me to shut up and stop screaming (my husband actually left the room coz he wanted to punch her!). Eventually the pain in my leg got so bad I couldn't push anymore and my daughter was delivered by forceps.

Half an hour after the birth my mother and husband were again kicked out and I was left alone in a room still swimming in blood with a crying baby I couldn't reach because of all the tubes etc I was attached to. I had to buzz 3 times before anyone came to pass her to me.

When I was eventually transferred to the post-natal ward there were no doctors available to discharge me so I was in hospital, on my own, for another 12 hours.

Now I am pregnant again (unplanned) and am absolutely terrified! All I want is to have my baby my way in my own home where I can relax and not be left on my own. My midwfe made me feel stupid for even suggesting this and I ended up leaving the appointment in tears.

I am terrified of going into hospital again.


  • I'm not really sure what advice I can give you hun but you've clearly had a horrible expeience in the past and yor current mw doesn't seem to be recognising this or being at all senstive to your feelings at all! Can you ask to see someone else for a second opinion maybe?

    I was made to lie on my back in my labour and I believe that is what led to the subsequent problems I faced (long second stage, ventouse, 3rd degree tear etc)...

    The only thing to say is fight fight fight - I know you shouldn't have to and prob feel you don't have the energy too but unforunately sometimes we have to to get what yo want! Don't give up hun!

    Best of luck
  • I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fight for it now. Wasn't sure if I was just being stupid for wanting to do things my way and naturally but there seems to be a lot of people backing me. Thank you!!
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