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after a C section???

Hi ladies...

has anyone felt cheated and upset about having to have an emergency c section?
it wasnt until about 2 months i really got upset about it...
They cleaned my baby up before i saw him so i got a little depressed about the fact i didnt see him come from my body... I feel like ive failed because i had the epidural which im sure is the reason why i couldnt give birth because i didnt feel a thing?... (know it sounds silly)..

Can anyone share these views?.. is it normal to feel this way...
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Replies

  • Hi ex pregnant lady,i had an elective section cos Grace was breech,i do know what you mean by you feel cheated i was really upset when they said i had to have a section (i knew it was the safest thing to do) but i really wanted a natural birth had it all planned but wasn't ment to be,i don't really remember anything about the birth,Grace was a little bit cleaned up when they handed her to dh but then she pooed all over him (the feeling does pass) Grace is now 6 months i do have the odd pang when i see a woman on the telly "in labour" i think ooh i wish i'd had that experience but then i think either way still have Grace xo
  • thanks cloclo.. really appreciate that..
    I must admit.. i do feel quite down about it sometimes and have been pretty upset. i know i have my son here no matter what but when other women talk of givig birth i cant relate to them which feels rather awkward too...
    im in two minds whether to just opt for one next time.. so i know where i stand... as unfortunately i had a long labour then emergency section.
    thanks for posting back. i know im not alone in thinking it but its nice to hear it from someone else sometimes (as everyone i know gave birth naturally without drugs etc)...
    i feel a bit of a outsider sometimes
  • your not an outsider your in my club now! (sorry that sounds abit stalkerish) i have some friends that go on about how great there labour was but how much pain they were in & i always reply i never felt a thing was great baby was lifted out cleaned then handed to us they soon shut up! don't feel bad you have your lush son who is healthy because of the birth you gave him xo
  • i had an emergency c-section because jessica was breech and because she decided to come out 2 days before i was due in hospital. i dont feel cheated at all, as long as my baby and i were both ok and healthly i didnt care how she was born. my waters did break (and gush like a waterfall) and i did get some contractions but even if i hadnt had that i still wouldnt be disapointed or feel like a failure.
    you shouldnt feel cheated ex-pregnant lady, your baby is here and is healthy and thats all that should matter xx
  • I had an emergency section too due to a failed induction. My waters never broke and I never even had any braxton hicks! I did feel a bit upset about it and like you said, when people are talking about giving birth I have no idea what it's like and I often feel like I cheated a bit! Having said that, my daughter was delivered safely so I know that's all that matters ultimately. I try to look on Poppys birth as a good thing cos she was 9lbs 12 oz so it would probably have hurt like hell - at least I didn't feel anything!!
    Don't feel cheated - just be thankful both you and your baby are safe and well!
    xx
  • I know how you feel! I had my first baby by section 6 weeks ago and I do feel a bit like I didnt go through a "proper" labour. (I had planned a natural home birth) I know its irational coz it was out of my hands but I just felt like I hadnt made the acheivement that other mums had. does that make sense? I also gave up on trying to breastfeed within the first 24 hours after the birth and I felt incredibly guilty about that too! I think you just have to concentrate on being the best mum you can be for your baby coz when it comes down to it your baby wont care how you gave birth to them just that you love them! That sounds so soppy must be my new mum hormones! he he!
  • Dont feel guilty!! I had my first by emegency c section. 12 days overdue and induction, waters broken by midwife, drip attched, epidural then 27 hrs later things went all wrong! Section was the only thing that saved by baby. I didnt get to hold her for about 12 hours and found it very difficult to bond. It really didnt hit me until I had ny 2nd 4 yrs later and ended up with another section (not planned!). I suffered really bad PND as the feelings of guilt took over. Luckily I got a lot of help and I am now looking forward to the birth of my third on 2nd Nov - by planned c section. Yes I would love to have delivered my baby vaginally - but that was the only thing I didnt do. I still went thru everything else - labour etc and now have 2 beautiful girls. Just rememer that section is NOT the easy option. It is major surgery and anyone who makes a comment about it doesnt know what they are talking about. Every birth is different and everyone special. Make the most of yout baby and if you need to talk to someone then speak to your gp - there are support groups out there.
    Take care
    xxx
  • i had an emergency c section. i dont feel cheated. i'd had a long labour andthings werent going well, so its the safest thing. im just greatful i was in a good hospital with the staff to help!! labour is overated and painful!!!
  • Hi
    Just remember you got pregnant to have a baby not a birth!!
    I had emegency c - section a week ago and as long as Jack was okay thats all that mattered to me. The birth is a very short amount of time compared to the rest of he's life - so don't feel cheated or guilty just enjoy your baby.
    Caz xxx
  • thanks all... but i cant help thinking about it lately. very upset that i never got to see him come away from me as such. i think i just needed it mentally as i had an uncomfortable pregnancy that i didnt particularly enjoy.
    I know other people are far worse off so feel awful for even thinking this way..

    I really appreciate all your responses. Its given me some comfort.
  • Hi there,
    When I was in labour with my first child, I didn't progress after 15 hours of labour, I only got to 6cms by which time I was in agony (i didn't have an epidural!) and the contractions had no gap between them. I had to have my waters broken by the doctor during labour, along with a drip to speed things up (which obviously didn't work!). By the time I got to theatre, they could have cut me with a rusty knife, I really just wanted to get the baby out at that point. Anyway, my son was born weighing 9lb9oz, which is why he was stuck, but he was delivered safely and I was over the moon. When I got home, I did get upset about the 'feelings of failure' but everyone reassured me that it was more important to have a safe delivery. I have since had another boy, and I was recommended to have an elective section as the same thing could happen again, as I seem to deliver big babies! I had the elective section with him and didn't have the same regrets that I had with my first son. On the 1st October, I had my third child, a little girl and this time, I didn't have any choice, I had to have the elective section and although the recovery is harder this time, again, I don't regret it because my little girl was delivered safely and it was a calm atmosphere and my husband got to cut the cord which made it more like a natural birth. Please don't worry about the feelings you are having. I went through hell too, but I soon got over it and you will too!! You have done a brilliant thing, just by producing another human being...be proud!!
    Love Anne-Marie X
  • I had a planned C section two weeks ago 'cos baby Lily was breech. Yes I was disappointed I couldn't give birth naturally even though eveyone kept telling me I was lucky in missing out on the pianful side of it. I just accepted that was how it was going to be. I particularly missed not having that initial skin to skin contact and I do feel I missed out on something when people talk about thier birth stories. But I don't dwell on it and just concentrate on the here and now and feel thankful that we're both OK. I can only urge you to try and do the same, and hopefully given time your feelings of disappointment will pass. Take care xx
  • Hey babycakes - you didnt miss out on the painful side - for all those who say that to you just respond by saying that whilst they may have had several hours or a day or 2 of labour pains you have wks of pain after. Never under estimate what you put your body thru to bring your lo into this world.
    xx
  • Wow coolteacher - 12lbs 10oz?!! How much did she actually weigh when she was born then?? I don't blame you for opting for a section if she was that big!!
    xx
  • Hey all. I had an emergency section Oct 6 after a failed induction. I don't feel cheated at all since this was necessary for little Chloe to come out safely. Her HR was dropping with each contraction. I developed an infection, had a fever and was shaking and only 4 cms dilated. They gave me a choice of having a c-section cuz i was not progressing well, or continue trying with the induction which did not look promising. I felt the contractions, and am content saying that i NEVER want to feel them again. I dunno if the labour pains are worse with inductions...but it hurt real bad. The whole experience was hard on me. But as time goes by I am forgetting and the most important thing is that she is a happy and healthy baby! Little Chloe is happier than ever except for some gas problems...but i hear those resolve on their own with time...Cheers!
  • Laurie - congrats on chloe - she is so cute - emergency section is tough on you but you did your best and you have a beautiful baby daughter for your trouble. Hope you feel better soon.
    xxx
  • hi ex preggars lady. sorry you're feeling down about the birth. i too felt a failure for having a epidural. other girls at my baby club all had fab, water births at the local unit, & they all seemed to look down on me (i thought) for having to go to hospital for induction & then having the epidural & ventouse delivery. But in the end i just accepted that it was fate, i could never had managed in the birthing pool any way & Freddie needed to be sucked out coz i wasn't strong enough to push (a c section was on stand by for me!). your feelings are normal & will pass soon. Lewis was delivered safe & sound & you got through it the best way you could, so take comfort in that. xxx
  • Hi, i felt that i was a failure after i had an emergency c-section in june, due to lo's heart rate being dangerously low. The worst time for me was the first few weeks afterwards. All of my friends had there babys naturally and they all kept telling me that i didnt actually give birth. i just had the easy way out. I can tell you that it def wasn't the easy way out. But now i dont think about the birth, (well not all the time) im just glad that my little boy was delivered safe and sound. I have to admit tho the mw's were great cos as soon as i came around lo was placed on me for skin to skin contact and i had that chance to bond with him.
  • it really annoys me when people assume cs is the easy option, i have 4 cherubs, no1 ventouse, no2 normal, no3 ventouse and no4 emergancy cs and i can assure you the hardest was the cs. please dont feel a failure hayley your friends are very insensitive the main thing is that you and your baby are safe and well. i had trouble bfeeding my last one and gave up after 24 hrs as i was in so much pain and i had so much trouble just picking him up i just felt i couldent continue, it dident help that a month later my lovely sil had her 2nd baby naturally and made breast feeding look so easy (she was very supportive though) my mil kept going on about how well she was doing but that i was lucky that my milk did not come as i could have help giving the baby a bottle. Im ttc no5 and i know that i will have an elective cs. I think all of you are really brave cs are not the easy option you should all feel really proud of yourselves with coping with what is a major operation and looking after your bubs as well xxx
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