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due date today and made to feel really angry and upset :(:(

okay so i had my midwife appointment with the other midwife who works at clinic (as mine is off on holiddays !!!!!!!!!!!)
who was such a 13itch to me,totally looked down her nose at me and my boyfriend, who she wouldnt even give eye contact, she was talking to me like you would a ten year old. SO PATRONISING, LAST TIME I SAW HER SHE MADE ME FEEL POOP AFTER APPOINTMENT BECAUSE I SAID I COULDNT breastfeed for a medical condition. but yet agen ive left feeling very angry and dissappointed in the care i have recieved. she basicaly said to me that the head isnt even engaged yet so i wont have her until at least a weeks time, so i have an appointmnet for 2nd or 3rd october to talk about sweep which apprently only works for 13 percent of woman. but i dont even have to go for appointment, basically she sounded like she wasnt bothered weather i showed up for it or not. i have NOT had any information given to me on what to expect, birthing positions or what type of birth i want!!!!!

i may be 18 but dont i deserve the same respect a woman older then me would get. it so unfair, i dont think i would ever reccomended the community midwife , grrrrrh.
so i am now feeling like baby will never come, have no clue on birthing positions, never got to say what type of birth i wanted image

susan 40 weeks with pink bump xx x x xx x


  • aww hun try not to worry, ur body is an amazing thing and even though i didn't have a natural birth i have been told by so many people that when it happens you just know what to do, as for birthing positions you find a position that you're comfortable with...i went to a labour in motion class and didn't really learn anything from long as you keep calm and control your breathing i'm sure you'll be fine image try not to worry and just think, they won't let you go any longer than 2 weeks overdue so you'll have your little girl soon and believe me it's amazing and you'll forget all about this once you've got her in your arms image x

  • hey,

    I just saw this on thelist of forums so have jumped over from 'baby'. I remember what it felt like to be overdue and fed up wanting the baby to come and the midwife not eing bothered at all about how I was feeling (very swollen, hot, tired, emotional.) She should not have treated you like that at all.

    As for birthing positions etc I got that from reading magazines, perhaps do some research. Did you have any antenatal classes? I can see you're a newbie on here - do ask others for advice - your likely to get a good and quick reply.

    As for the sweep appointment, is this at your local hosp? My experience was that I was booked at the hospital for a sweep but when I got there it was an 'overdue clinic'. It was up to me whether I wanted to have the sweep or not but it was also a check up. I also got the date for my induction at that appointment.

    Is there a section in your notes for a birth plan? I filled that in and the midwifes at the hospital followed it as much as they could, I was pleased that they had taken notice of the fact I had written I wnted to have my baby layed on my tummy after delivery even though I had to have my baby delivered in theatre and just wanted the baby to be safe at that point!

    Your baby will come, you will be offered to be induced so that you do not go more than 14 days past your due date.

    You definatly should have been treated with respect, I didn't like one of the midwives I saw because she was always so rushed and didn't explain enough to me. Try to just ignore her and work on all the natural ways to induce birth - I was told that being upright and being active can help to engage the baby's head.
  • Hiya,

    I'm due around the 13th of next month.
    I know it's still quite early but my baby is head down and not engaged, when i had a home visit from my midwife i asked what happens if the head doesn't engage, she said that it doesn't matter to much as the contractions will push the baby down into the pelvis.

    I hope all goes well


  • hiya thankyou for your support i appreciate it, i just feel a bit gutted that there is no sign of labour approaching, it feels like xmas morning when you wake up and no presents are there lol

    but like you one of you said baby will come soon enough, i just have to find that little bit more energy to be patient.

    i didnt attend antenatal classes, i wasnt informed of any available, so the information i recieve at the moment is valuable to me image

    as for sweep appointment, it was said that it would be done at the clinic i have been going to. i have seen a section for the birth plan and will give it a go filling it out as best as i can.

    what sort of natural ways would reccomend that actually worked?xxxx
  • That's pretty crap service u had hun - I'd have complained lol

    Labour and birth advice, stay as flexible and open as possible but make notes and talk with ur birth partner (ur boyfriend or mum etc) to make sure they know what u want or don't want or what u are open to suggestions for.....their support will be invaluable, especially if ur get asked something and a contraction hits!! Do u know what sorts of pain relief is available etc???

    Stay as mobile as u can, walk or pace, leaning over slightly using a chair or bed for support and rocking side to side in the early stages can help. Oh, and don't forget to breathe!!!!! Slow deep breaths with a contraction does help.

  • hiya

    I'm 40+3 my baby's is'nt engaged yet either , it's sitting right at the top of it .The midwife examined me the other day , she said she was going to sweep the membranes . She could'nt get to where the baby's head was , it was quite uncomfortable for me and she stopped . I felt a bit discomfort after it , that was 3 days ago and nothings happened . I'm going to be induced next week if nothings happened. Hope this does'nt put you off , it might work for you .

    I had to go and see a different midwife when mines was on holiday , i had to go and see one to get my BP checked as i had been atending day assesment . I could'nt even get an appointment at my local surgery , had to go to a smaller hozie near by . As for the midwife she was hopeless she had put that the head had engaged , but my midwife the next week said it had'nt . I would't worry about it too much , tell your midwife how felt if you are comfortable with it .

  • None of the natural things worked for me but I was advised to take lots of long walks, eat 'spicy' foods and have sex! eating hot foods release a hormone and so does having sex that can help get things going!
  • well i can barely walk as it is lol
    so i think that one is outta question!
    hot or spicy foods is a big no no for me as i suffer from large gallstones so i dont want to have another attack :S

    so whats left is sex, but like i think it comes down to baby coming in her own time image

    thanks hun xx
  • hi i just wanted to add that when i was pregnant with my LO her head wasnt engaged on the wednesday morning i went to see my midwife and she said the same thing to me, you wont be having this baby anytime soon and she booked me in for induction 2 weeks later but there was no need as i had given birth within 24 hours, naturally with out any LO's head engaged in labour and she was my first, so it can happen.
    go with the flow in labour, if you want pain relieve go for it, you dont get a medal for bravery but if you want a natural birth, my advice would be to let your birthing partner know as he/she can keep reasurring you and tell the midwife at the time what you want (you will be more concerntrating on other things,lol)
    use the page on the boots website for what to pack in your hospital bag for you and baby. when you go into labour, if in dout you can always phone the labour ward instead of the midwife you dont seemt to get along with and they will help you.
    good luck and rememeber to post a birth story after you have your little girl xx
  • thanks hun, it was reassuring to hear that the head doesnt have to be fully engaged for me to go into labour image
    i tihkn it will be a real shock when it actually happens coz at mo i feel like my turn will never get here lol

    the midwife i saw today was clearly pre judging me which is a shame some people have a small minded world!

    i mean she talked to me like i was a ten yr old sayin wen shall i wave my maical wand for baby to come and she didnt even give stu my partner eye contact, n kept starin thru me.

  • I found the same sorta thing as im only 20 myself- best advice i can give is F*&% the lot of em! At the end of the day its you and your partner who are raising this baby, and you should be treated no diff to any other woman! It really does anger me this pre judgment on younger mums! I didn't breastfeed through personal choice and i got some looks believe me- you feed your baby how you see fit- you know best!
    Try and relax, she will come as soon as shes ready- get plenty of rest in preparation, walking and being moderately active when your up and about should help ease her deeper into the pelvis.
    When contractions do start, i found walking around and leaning against my partner for a back rub helped! The bath was also a godsend lol
    As for the birth- open mindedness is the key. Go in not knowing what pain relief you want (if any), and just take it step by step. The good thing is if ones to weak you can try others, so i had a shot of pethidine which made me personally quite sick but my friend said it was fab. When i couldn't cope any longer the epidural was my godsend so everyone is totally different. Older or younger we deserve the same respect and choices- pregnancy isn't easy and bitches like that don;t help!! Keep me posted huni xxxx
  • thanks hun, im glad others know how i feel. ithink it is really unfair by them thinkin all of the younger mums are the same when it is only a small minority that are bad just like any other age group. my sis in law said the same to ignore her, will keep you posted of course image
    i think i feel a lot more calmer now and will try and relax, i know i will do the best when the time comes image

    just so excited and wondering when it will be xxx
  • Just thought I'd add, I'm 27 and had midwives talking down to me. The cheek of it - I'm hardly a spring chick and married with a mortgage as well!!

    I'd second going in with a open mind, I didn't write a birth plan, just went with the flow although I'd always said I didn't want epidural and ended up begging for one. Didn't get it in the end as baby arrived too quickly and no time for anaesthetist to come and do it. It's easier said than done, but try not to worry as you go through it as fear makes pain worse. Gas and air is wonderful stuff, like being drunk but no hangover!!

    Good luck, hope your baby arrives soon
    Corinna x
  • thankyou for all your replies image
    im gonna go with the flow and listen to my body when labour finally begins.
    its so nice to have supportive advice. send me labour vibes lol
    coz i cant wait to meet this little lady xxxxx
  • Hiya

    People keep telling me to do things to get it going aswell , spicy food i get bad heartburn with , a long walk i can hardly move either and today my back is killing me , sore when i stand or walk . As for the sex bit , i think my husband is a bit scared and to be honest very uncomfy . Apparently pineapple can work to , i think if it's going t come out it will . Good luck

    Yvonne 40+4
  • i would try not to worry babe the midwife i had with my first was great but when i develeped problems and had to be sent to another hospital i had a wide range of new midwifes and i must say they were all terrible at the time i had only just turned 19, i was 18 when my son was concieved. i tried to convince my self that it was because it was such a big hospital they were just trying to get everyone in and out. they were saposed to run tests on me every hour - 2hours at the most and i was lucky if they dont them twice a day.
    Even now that im 25 i still get weird attitudes from some of the staff at the health center when i go in for my check ups thankfully so far i have only had my booking in apointment and two other apointments and im 32 weeks today x

  • i may be 18 but dont i deserve the same respect a woman older then me would get. it so unfair,

    of course you do hun please complain to the head of midwifery no one should be left upset by their midwife!!! as for birthing positions etc google birthing positions pain relief etc and try to book to see ur regular mw or at least phone her. i hope you get this sorted young mums r no less important than older ones and are just as good as anyone else xxxxxxxx

    susan 40 weeks with pink bump xx x x xx x
  • please try not to panic i know i did. however the midwives in the hospiatl are a totally different breed. i wrote a birth plan but no one looked at it. when i arrived at labour and delivery i was asked the important questions straight away i.e who to cut the cord. i also went over due having to deal with people ringing to ask what i was up to, like i choose to keep LO locked up in there. however my waters broke the morning i was booked in for induction so saved some effort there. have an open mind about pain relief and try what ever you feel like. i had been told buy others that gas and air was awful stuff and not to bother, but ended up picking that as my only relief and wanting to bring it home with me for that all important bowel movement that they all get obsessed about. Your body knows what to do trust it and so will you.

    Good Luck
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