Reeeeally scared

bride-carly-barleyx · Jul 26, 2008 1:54PM

Hi ladies
This is probably a bit of a pointless post but just needed to vent somewhere. I was 16 when I had my daughter, 4 and a half years ago and I'm now 34 weeks with my 2nd. I had a really traumatic birth with her and now I'm so so scared of a similar experience. I was induced at 40+17 days overdue with 2 pesseries and then I was put on the drip. My contractions were every 2 minutes and really intense from the start. I was taken down to delivery and they wouldnt let me phone my mum (abby's dad wasnt around). After 13 hours of labour they let me ring my mum and then when I asked about some pain relief they just gave me 2 paracetamol and a birthing ball and then left me to it. They checked baby's position and discovered she was back to back.My mum came about 20 minutes later and a mw hadnt checked me over since I was started on the drip so my mum want to ask someone to check me as I was in alot of pain and quite hysterical by this point and a mw came in 5 hours later, I was only 4cm dialated so she told me to stop making a fuss and go to sleep. I thought that because I was on a drip it would make my contractions stronger and closer together they would let me have some pain relief but now. I'd been in labour for 19 hours at this point so my mum went and insisted that I have some gas and air and they eventually gave me some, 6 hours later! The mw who gave it to me said "I dont know why she's making such a fuss, she's only 4cm" and my mum pointed out I was on the drip and the mw just shrugged. I coped for the next 6 hours on gas and air and then I was absolutely exhausted and beside myself with the pain and a new mw came on shift and checked me again. I was only 6cm so she said I should have an epidural. She was really nice, she said I should have been offered one from the start of the labour as I was on the drip and the baby was back to back. So I had the epidural and then slept and read some magazines. I'd been in labour for 40 hours at this point and then another mw came and checked me and I was 9cm so she turned the epidural down so I could feel the need to push. The contractions came back soo much more intense and I was in agony when they checked me 4 hours later and I was 10cm so they told me to start to push. I pushed for 2 hours and nothing was happening so they decided to finally take me into theatre. A dr came in at this point and was furious I was still in labour, he said they should of done a c-section after I;d been in labour for 24 hours. I was taken in to theatre and they decided to try the ventouse, which fell off and then Abby was eventually tugged out with forceps.
the labour was 47 hours in total and so horrible. I'm so so scared of a similar experience even though I'm going to a different hospital this time. Has anyone else had a similar birth and now expecting again?
xxx

gsmummy55 · Jul 17, 2008 7:56AM

I had a similar birth but I did have a c-section. Im so sorry of how the midwives treated you - I was 19 when I had Gabe (I've just turned 20) and sometimes i do think you get treated differently because you're younger - I had an gas and air straight away when I was 3cm dilated. I couldnt have coped without I would have screamed until I got it, and I'm not a dramatic person. I honestly believe that induction makes for a more painful labour I know some people say it isn't but they were usually induced with their 2nd or 3rd babies so its not the same experience. I think you should complain to the hospital at how you were treated! Even now 4 years on! We're not living in the bloody dark ages a 16 yr old girl should never be left with no pain relief during a difficult labour, how nasty and cruel of that midwife to say you were making a fuss I wish I was there and could have punched her. I would write it in your birth plan what you want this time and dont be afraid to beg and plead for an epidural if you need one! They do say 2nd labours are better though...But i honestly had a hard time too and have to say I'm glad the doctor intervened and said to do a c section cos I think i'd still be recovering from the birth otherwise. Good luck I know its easy 2 say but dont worry it's the worst thing you can do. Theres something called the Birth trauma association so you should google them. x x x

snowhite-55408 · Jul 17, 2008 5:16PM

Hi Carley, my friend had her baby at 16 and had a traumatic birth, mostly because as she was still quite young her pelvis still wasn't 100% formed and caused her alot of pain and was hard getting the baby out because it was at adult size yet. Now that you are a bit older it might be alot easier, and 2nd births are said to be the opposite from first!! xx

arg · Jul 18, 2008 3:14PM

Hi it sounds as if you were treated really badly - if anything like that ever happens again it is worth making a formal complaint. Meanwhile, you should make sure your midwife is aware of your last experience and that it is documented in capitals or highlighted so that whoever looks after you this time is aware of it. It might even be worth asking to see the head of midwifery at the hospital so that you will definately get better care this time.
I was 30 when I had my first and although it wasn't as long as yours I also had a bad experience with induction/epidural/ventouse/forceps. I was quite traumatised after and the bad birth was partly why I had my next one sooner (I was pregnant again when he was 11 months old) as I wanted a better experience. I hope this encourages you but my next one was much better - I had another forceps delivery but went into labour on my own and it was quicker. Even better was the 3rd time when I had a fantastic home water birth (wasn't allowed one with no 2 due to low lying placenta). I have to say that I truly believe home is the best place to have a baby especially for those of us who have had awful hospital experiences and have lots of other mums at the home birth support group I run who have similar stories to tell. For one thing (IMy list of the benefits of home births would go on for ever!), community midwives are usually more caring and have more time as it is only you that they are looking after and you are in your own home so you feel more in control. Also, if you started at home then decided to go into hospital your midwife would usually try to stay with you. I don't know if you would consider a home birth but even if you don't I'm sure this labour will be better than the last. Good Luck xx

Lisa83 · Jul 19, 2008 12:10PM

I was 17 when i had my first child, and like yourself i had a really horrible eperience .. thought at the time i would never put myself thru it again, however when i had my little girl on my 19th birthday it was a much more enjoyable experience .. unlike the 1st my labour progressed normally without any hic ups, and as for the midwifes on duty telling me that i didnt need my birth partner yet.. i camly explained that it was my labour,my body and they were there to assist not take over..i wanted support not someone tellin me it couldnt be that bad cuz my contractions were not lasting very long !!! she did appologise when she realised i was 6cms and had to go to the delivery room but i didnt want to know!!!

from first hand experence you are prob very unlikely to have a horrible time like your first, just remember one thing

SPEAK UP, its your body your baby and your birth, it should be one of the best eperiences of your life and no matter what staff should be doing all they can to make sure this is what you get .... good luck xxx

btw-forgot to mention first labour was induced and the labour itself was a lot more intense than my second, pain was unreal

[Modified by: Lisa83 on July 19, 2008 05:14 PM]

nothappywithbeingchanged · Jul 19, 2008 3:46PM

babe thats awful, my first labour was very similar n no one ever talked about it so it made me scarred 2cnd time round third time round i was still very traumatised so wrote to the director of midwives at my hospital telling her what happend and asking her to make a few promises, these were:

1) not to let my labour go over 18 hrs without trying to intervene,
2)the same mw to check me over when neded as one mw said i was 4cms then when the shift changed the nxt mw said only 2cms it was really upsetting.
3) that i be allowed to choose my pain relief not to be told to hang on n see how i went.
4) that my bith partner be allowed to stay with me all the way thru!!

and lastly n most important for me that i have the chance to talk over anything i was unhappy abouty afterwards n ask all the questions i needed

hope this helps

jellyfishpink · Jul 19, 2008 4:42PM

aww carly! Please don't worry too much about it, have you put in your birth plan what you want to happen and explain what happened last time? It sounds awful! I thought as you were only 16 they would have been more supportive and helpful, obviously I'm wrong! I think it's disgusting! Anyway, try and stay positive, you may have a quick labour like me! Try and tell the midwife how you feel as soon as you get to delivery suite.

Louise
xxxxxxx

niblet · Jul 20, 2008 2:49PM

Hi Carly,

I'm so sorry you had such an horrendous experience, no wonder you're scared! Have you written a birth plan? You could specify things like if you ask for pain relief that you are given what you ask for without delay, and you could go through this with your midwife in plenty of time before your due date, and ask her to give a copy to her team. Also go through the plan with your birth partner and give them a copy, so they can show it to the hospital on the day and insist it is followed. Maybe you'd feel more confident about the birth and in control if you prepare in this way.

Also, as arg said, a home birth could be worth considering if you're medically able to. Again, it could help you feel in control.

I didn't have a bad hospital experience with my previous birth, but I did have a bad time- the only words I could use to properly sum it up afterwards were "horriffic" and "torture". I wasn't induced, I tried for a home birth for 30-odd hours, then was transferred to hospital where I had an epidural (which was great!) and my son was delivered after a total of 37 hours with ventouse and forceps. I was very glad I had stayed at home for so long though as I'm sure I'd have had a c-section if I'd been in hospital from the start, which I personally really didn't want. He took so long to deliver as he was back to back, then tried to get the biggest part of his head out instead of tucking it down, so he got wedged in.

I'm pregnant again and like you I'm quite scared of the birth, but I will be trying for a home birth, assuming the baby isn't breech or anything. I'm just hoping that because my body had such a good workout last time it'll be able to get the baby delivered a lot quicker this time! Also, I was able to endure a lot more than I thought I'd be able to last time, so I guess I'll be able to manage another labour.

I hope you have a much quicker and more positive experience this time xxx

dinothedrunkenhamster · Jul 21, 2008 2:27PM

Im sorry you had such a hard time hun, I cant believe how badly you were treated. I was induced at 37 weeks and it was a great experience to be honest (the onlty problem I had was after the midwife on the ward gave me paracetomol and it wasnt until the third day when another one said I should have been on something stronger because id had a forceps delivery and lost a lot of blood had lots of stitches ect.)...try not to think back on your bad experience the chances of you having another one like that are very low.
I think other people have knocked it right on the head though, my sister had her first at 17 and was badly treated by her midwife (who was an old dragon by the sound of things) some midwifes must just think because your young you shouldnt be taken seriously
Make sure you have a strong birthing partner with you, it should set your mind at rest and they can look after you and make sure your not being badly treated.
I really hope you have an extremely positive experience this time around xxx

anthony__katie · Jul 23, 2008 3:07PM

im 17 with my first lo, and im soooooo scared 2, but with anthony by my side i know i can doooo it! when your in labour and are in pain just close your eyes and imagine what your baby looks like, imagine what that first laugh will sound like what the first smile will look like ect.. thats what i plan to do. hopefully it will take your mind off the pain. good luck. katie xx

bride-carly-barleyx · Jul 26, 2008 12:18PM

Hi ladies
thanks for all your kind comments. I've discussed my last birth with my mw and consultant and its documented in my notes that it was a traumatic experience but I'm just getting so scared again! Daft I know as it has to come out one way or another lol.
Carly 35+2
xx

maxsmummy84 · Jul 26, 2008 1:54PM

hi, i was 18 with my first and had to be induced at 40+16days, it too was very traumatic and i nearly died to loss of blood, wont go into too much detail but had a very bad cervical tear due to having an epidural and not being told when to push. But also was induced with second child at 40+14 and it was nothing like first one, was over and done with in an hour, they say second ones are quicker and it was true for me. I'm hoping i'll cough this one out lol or as ob says "it will prob fall out" (nice) dont worry, i'm sure everything will be ok. I was terrified but really there was no need. xx xx:\)

Reeeeally scared

Replies

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content