Forum home Getting pregnant Long term TTC & infertility


Hi all,

I'm feeling in a bit of an awkward place at the moment. Desperately been wanting a baby for years and been trying for the last 2 years. We were fairly comfortable financially, had scraped together to buy our 2 bed flat.

The last 6 months have been a real struggle. I don't know why, we just seem to be ??100-200 short at the end of every month. We are not excessive in our spending, no extravagant nights out (the last night out we had, we both took home-made wine with us and didn't buy any drinks!) My soution to this is to get a 2nd job, or a new job that is more hours / unsocial hours. Great for baby-making!! DH works hard as a postie, but is convinced that he could not get another job very easily that pays as well.

So I'm startig to think that we should stop and think of the practicalities and whether we can actually afford to have a baby. We would be on reduced income during my maternity, then I would not want to go back to work full-time, so reduced income following that. I just can't see how we can afford it.

I know people always say that you "find a way" and "no-one would ever have a baby if they waited until they could afford it!" but, seriously, I'm not one of those people who says they are broke, but own a 5 bedroom house and 3 cars.

My options aren't great and it breaks my heart to realise that I might be giving up, just when things are looking positive. :cry::cry:

Sorry for the mammoth post, girls xx


  • Hiya hun

    Do you mind me asking how old you are? I think if I was thinking as you are this would be something I would take into consideration..... xx
  • Princess-Debbie,

    I'm 32, which is the awful thing. I can't put it off reliably, so if we don't do it now, its likely we never will, especially with my problems.

    Its so unfair that so many people live off the state with their 6 kids, but because I have some dignity, I won't do that (and believe me, I've considered it, just sell the house, claim poverty and get support)
  • Hi WM,

    I know what you mean, the bulk of our money goes on our mortgage and we don't lead a lavish lifestyle either.

    It's a really personal decision but my view was`what would be worse having no money or having no baby and as we'd been ttc dor 18 months I felt that the only thing I had going for me was my age and we chose the baby path.

    I have found out there are a few option open during maternity leave like having a mortgage holiday or go to interest only which will save a fortune when not working. There are tax credits and child benefit which will help us out.

    Ultimately a decision for you and also to consider when will you be in a better financial position to start trying again xxx
  • windymiller, I know EXACTLY what you mean. We really struggle, especially as I'm freelance and will only have statutary maternity leave to look forward to. Toss into that, career ambitions and possibility of needing to re-train to change career and you're where we are.... and due to this, I think I make and remake my decision on babies weekly.

    I think what's really tipped the balance in baby's favour has been that it's taken longer to happen naturally than I thought. (I'm only up to 9 months TTC, and have no real business typing on this section of the board, but it's so seldom I hear this sort of thing mentioned on here that I really wanted to reply). It's been long enough to open my eyes a little as I assumed it'd be really easy to get pregnant, and I could have that whenever I wanted. Now I know it's something I have to fight for, I'm re-prioritising... but, tbh, I think I'm only doing that by sticking my fingers in my ears and singing 'lalalalalalaaaaaa' at the top of my voice about what the future may hold. We can't afford to buy in the UK, and the rental we're in won't be big enough for a toddler. However, I have to have faith it'll work out, as I just have this feeling I'm running out of time on the baby thing, and the idea of not having a kid in my future makes the rest of it seem insignificant.

    In the mean time, I'm living like there'll be no baby i.e. applying to jobs/courses/making longterm plans because I don't want to realise I can't have a kid and not have the fall back of a pretty decent life. (Plus if we can't have a kid naturally, I know we'll want to adopt, and will want to make sure I look like a damned fine bet!)

    I'm normally someone who knows exactly what they want and plans stuff out, and this whole TTC thing has taught me sometimes I've just got to take a leap of faith.

    What I'm trying to say is you're certainly not the only one thinking these things, and I'm so relieved to find I'm not either! image I think we've just got to make the choices that we feel happiest with at the very bottom of our hearts, and without feeling guilty about them... whatever they may be, and whatever the consequences of them are.

    man, I've written a tome!!! Sorry about that!

    Please let us know what you decide, and huge good luck!
  • Hey Windy

    I also know what you mean as I sometimes wonder how we will be able to afford a baby. However, I also think that babies don't actually need that much stuff, I think we are just exposed to lots of lovely things that are nice but absolutley not essential. Our local charity shops always have lots of lovely toys, cribs, prams and high chairs available and they are always in really good condition. Also, a friend of mine has just bought a really lovely sporty looking pushchair in a car boot sale for ??5!! Apparently she priced them online and they were ??180 so she had a real bargain.

    And, as Mafia Princess says, there is always the option of a mortgage holiday - that is definately what we will be doing if it ever happens.

    Don't let these worries spoil your Christmas, and while we are all waiting for our BFPs, just keep saving as much as you can (and you could always pick up the occasional super bargain from the baby secion of shops - just in case!!)

  • Hi Girls! And Merry Christmas!

    We've been talking a lot about this the last few days, and, to be honest, I don't think we've really come to a finite decision. I feel a bit happier, as DH has been positive about applying for a new job that is more of a long-term career than his 6 year "stop-gap" at Royal mail and MP, you're right about having a mortgage holiday, it would make life easier for a few months.

    I suppose in 3 years, we'll be a lot more comfortable, as we will have paid off the car loan and be in a position to get a better mortgage deal on our home (fixed rate for the 1st 5 yrs at 6.1%!! But we thought we were lucky to get approved a mortgage at all!)

    But when I say that we have no money, I don't mean that I would struggle to buy the ??300 flash pushchair, or the matching car seat, we struggle to get all our bills paid. This month, our BT and my professional registration debits have bounced. So I have to pay them next month AND the fine for bouncing (??40).

    DH is the love of my life and I can't imagine life without him (he's cooking Christmas dinner as I type!), but he is so flippin awful with money and also has the "laaalaaalaaa" attitude, so I sometimes feel that I can never trust him with our finances.

    What a joyous subject for Christmas morning and I hope no-one else is sad enough to be on here venting their problems to BE!

    Littlestmonkey-thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone and I feel like I'm always changing my mind too. I see "friends" on facebook and read stories of people who are in similar situations to us (low income, newlyweds etc), but who seem to be able to afford holidays, new kitchens, buying puppies, new houses etc and I just don't see where they get their money from. What are we doing wrong?!?

    Anyway, thank you for all your posts, at least I know I'm not the only one and I will keep you updated xxxxx
  • Hi WM,

    I am sorry you are having this dilemma. I agree with the others it is your choice but looking back in ten years time which path do you think you would have liked to take.

    There are lots of options money wise and I many of the monetary benefits that you get with a child i.e. tax credits, child benefit, milk stuff etc do help. My friend has just had a baby and is in a similar financial position.

    We are also worried about money in a serious way. We also do not 'worry about money' with a 5 bedroom house but at the age of 30 I know that I want a family and if money is sometimes very tight then we will need to be more than careful.


    That did not come across the way I meant. I meant to say we are not one of those people who say we are broke and have a five bedroom house. We have a small two bed terrece and always struggle to get money in

  • yes, I agree Windymiller, how do they do it? I guess having a lack of money is a relative thing.

    Ours is also a case of needing to get more money in, rather than re-directing funds. There's nothing much we can re-direct from. No mortgage, no car, no expensive social life, no clothes shopping or holidays and still we always seem to end each month in debt.

    To be fair, much of this IS my own doing, and when I compare us to our friends, the big difference is that they're all couples that aren't in the creative industries with two steady incomes coming in. I chose to pursue a dream career rather than one that pays, and now I need to

    work out if that's more important than having a family and all that other stuff you talk about.

    For us, I do think we need to develop a weekly budget, to reign in and check out both of our spenditures, and (like you say) be pro-active about plans to change our situation too.

    However, I also think I need to re-programme my head a bit, not to be happy with less but to be happy with different things (I always dreamed of having our own house, but TTC now seems more important) and also to be a bit happier with things I have NOW, rather than always planning for stuff that may or may not be possible in a year or more. I think I've been so hung up on what I'm not able to do, due to cost and I've stopped living a bit.

    So, for us (I hope) a little bit of the practical with a little bit of mental change will (hopefully) make things easier.

    What do you do, btw? Why would a new job mean longer hours?
  • Hey WM,

    My hubby is not that great with money and he openly admits it. I take control of all our money and make sure that we save and get bargains. We don't go mad with presents and don't live the life that some of our friends do but on the other hand we don't have the debt they do either.

    I do a spreadsheet of all our money as if it were down to hubby we'd be stuffed!xxx
  • MP-I'm considering this! Just taking all cards etc and being in charge of all our expenditure. DH has the mortgage coming out of his account and asked me the other day how much our mortgage payments are!! He never checks his bank account and goes over his overdraft regularly without realising it. Drives me mad.

    LM-I'm a Veterinary Nurse, so I also chose my career with my heart and not my head. I'm pretty well paid now for what I do, but could earn more if I work longer hours or locum again. I also worry about the effect it has on my body, as we can be exposed to anaesthetic gas, radiation and cytotoxic/teratogenic drugs. Not to ention all the antisocial hours and heavy lifting.

    We're now considering selling our house and moving in with DH's parents, as they have inherited a large, ancient 5-bed house. It would save us at least ??500 a month and allow us to put any profit we make from this house into a high interest account. I just don't know if it would cause too much friction between us and in-laws. M-i-L isn't renowned for her pateince and tolerance.... oh well, enough moaning and time to do something productive.
  • oooh, awesome job, Windymiller.

    Sounds very tempting moving in with the in laws for a bit too. Particularly if you do decide you want to continue with the bubs plan. I think if your relationship's strong enough, go for it, and the house sounds big enough to have your own space for a bit?

    I wondered if you'd considered the behaviourist side of things in addition to your regular job? I always hate it when people suggest ill-conceived ideas to me like they've just swooped in and solved everything, as if I hadn't considered all my options and didn't know better than they do what is and isn't possible in my business... so forgive me if I have just blundered in and done the same. I thought I had to say it, on the off-chance you hadn't considered it, because you sound like you'd be brilliant! I know there's training involved, but I know someone who paid for that by taking on consultations whilst they were doing it. It'd be flexible, and one or two hourly consultations a month might be add a fair whack to your income?

    Please keep coming back and letting us know how you get on. I hate that you're in the same position as us, but it's comforting to know we're not the only ones. And I'm absolutely POSITIVE there's an answer out there for both of us!
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