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Not sure how, if I can handle this...advice please.
Hi everyone,
I know that I am going to sound incredibly selfish- and more than a little bit crazy(!), but I really need some advice on how to manage this.
To give you a bit of background- we have been ttc for 10 months and have already seen gp (due to my age & irregular cycles)and found that I don't ovulate every month. Natural conception is looking increasingly unlikely. I have found this incredibly difficult, as, like all of you guys, I have always imagined becoming a mum and want it more than anything else as does my hubby.
Yesterday I spoke to my younger sister, who announced that she is 3 months pg with her second (unplanned) pregnancy. I managed to hold it together on the phone, but I totally fell apart when I put the phone down- and I don't know how to handle this. I just don't think I can cope with meeting another baby in my family- it just feels so unfair. I really don't see how I can hold it together...I really don't know what to do.
I know that there's probably not much I can do, but I am really struggling with this, and I wondered whether any of you have had similar experiences.
Many thanks xx
I know that I am going to sound incredibly selfish- and more than a little bit crazy(!), but I really need some advice on how to manage this.
To give you a bit of background- we have been ttc for 10 months and have already seen gp (due to my age & irregular cycles)and found that I don't ovulate every month. Natural conception is looking increasingly unlikely. I have found this incredibly difficult, as, like all of you guys, I have always imagined becoming a mum and want it more than anything else as does my hubby.
Yesterday I spoke to my younger sister, who announced that she is 3 months pg with her second (unplanned) pregnancy. I managed to hold it together on the phone, but I totally fell apart when I put the phone down- and I don't know how to handle this. I just don't think I can cope with meeting another baby in my family- it just feels so unfair. I really don't see how I can hold it together...I really don't know what to do.
I know that there's probably not much I can do, but I am really struggling with this, and I wondered whether any of you have had similar experiences.
Many thanks xx
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Replies
I dont have much helpful advice as everyone is different but tbh there isn't a lot you can do hunny, she is your sister and you are going to see her and the baby there is no getting away from it. I have found im very good at putting on a face and then breaking down in private!!! to get advice i guess but thats how it works for me!!!!
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Does your sister know what you're going through? I know I play it down quite a lot with my family, as they are all so baby-mad (2 sisters, 7 kids between them), I don't want them pitying me. So they really don't know what a strain this is. Neither of them have suffered m/c (not that I would wish that on anyone) and got pregnant very easily and often unplanned.
I also find I put on a brave face, then break down infront of people who know the ful story. Mainly hubby! You will cope, even when you have to grit your teeth and smile. And it will be your time soon xx
I know just how you feel. I had this with my sister-in-law and I still feel really jealous. More jealous than with anyone else. Perhaps it's because she's younger than me and knew we were ttc-ing. Rationally I know they couldn't be expected to wait until we'd been successful but it felt like such a kick in the teeth.
All I can say is put a brave face on when you're with her - presumably you don't actually want to make her feel bad for being pregnant... And in the end there's nothing you can do about it but be "happy" for her. Grrrr!
I have to say I've not relished seeing my sil since hearing the news but then again we've been pretty busy so maybe that's why we've seen less of them. I'm kind of relieved not to be able to go to her baby shower due to another event but then I feel guilty about feeling relieved!
I've also got to the point where I start looking out for the signs that people may be pregnant, so that I can armour myself with that fixed grin when they tell me.
Anyway, it's a sh*tty situation we are all in, but we have to keep going because there is no other option and there are always going to be people announcing they are pregnant. We just have to be strong, and allow ourselves time to cry when we need too.
Also thank u very much for the post u wrote on my other thread! and I do remember u! Have u been back to the Drs to find out what the next step is for u? Lots of baby dust your way!! If u ever need to chat just pm me
xxx
No, we haven't told anyone that we're ttc- the longer it's taking though, the more I think I might, (if only to avoid the brainless "don't you want to have a baby soon?" comments family seem to make!) Did any of you guys tell other people about it? I think it's the same as you say, I don't want pity (and actually, I think if someone was kind to me about it all it would make me cry- and I DEFO don't want that!)
LoopyLou77, reading your message made me smile- I did exactly the same after the phone call from my sister- hubby was quite relieved when I could finally get the words out to tell him what had happened!
Big hugs to you all, I really appreciate you taking the time to get back to me. Your kind and reassuring words really do help- amazing to find out that the same story is being repeated again and again for us all- but is probably something which just isn't talked about. Thank goodness for this website! xxx
OH's sis announced a few months ago that she was pg again by accident with new man, baby isnt well as she did lots of bad stuff in first few weeks so we're both finding it so tough, especially as she didnt ever want kids.
OH and I have been together not far off a decade so we want more than anything. Only my mum knows really that we're trying, and ever time I talk about it with her I just breakdown, so upsetting, especially difficult as we are both young too and didnt expect to have any problems.
Everyone seems to be pg at the moment as well, doesnt help, glad Im not alone xxx
i totally can feel your pain, next month will be a year of ttc although we tried teice before for 8 months each time and nothing, i never thought in a million years that it would have taken this long and its starting to really grate on me
anyway, my younger sis has a 3 year old and is due her second baby today, she fell pg with the first with her ex husband and they only dtd once that year and fell pg!!! they never should have been married and they split up 2 years ago,
so she has a new boyfrind now of a year and a half and she is due their baby today after 4 mnts of trying, and he is 20 years older than her and they both smoke, and she still has had the odd one or two, dont even get me started on that!!
and when she told us in sept she was pg i was home, i live in northern ireland and she lives in gloucestershire ( i moved 5 years ago as my hubby is from here)and i was grand on the phone but completely broke down after, we had only been trying for 3 mths at that point and i consoled myself that i would be pg by the time she has the baby, clearly that has not happened!!
so i went home 3 weeks ago for a surprise baby shower and i had not seen her since oct and i cried when i saw her, i told her it was because i missed her but it wasnt, i took one look at her bump and felt like i had been punched in in the stomach, the longing was unbelievable and i felt utterly devastated that still has not happened for us
wow, i have rambled, i am obv delighted that she is due and cant wait to be an auntie again but that little green monster is still there, we go home a week mon and hopefully the baby will be here in that time and im really looking forward to it but im also due on the week im there and when she shows that will just be another kick in the teeth
so anyway, mrsh, you are not alone and there are plenty of women on here that know what you are going through and would never judge, so rant away and we are always here
i post in k.w.a so if you wanna join us please do, its always nice to have new face xxx
Since I last posted, I've been thinking more and more about letting my Mum know that we're ttc... Lots of pros and cons, but I think it would at least put a stop to all of her comments about hubby and me having a baby and might mean she would stop telling me all the details of my sister's pregnancy! I think she would be discreet about this but I'm not sure if it's fair to 'burden' her... My plan at the moment is to wait until we've had our gp visit in a couple of weeks, and then to let her know once we're clear about what the next step for us will be. Munchie, you said that letting someone know really helped you- what do the rest of you guys think?
Hope everyone is well, looking forward to hearing from you! xx
everyone is really supportive, if and when i ask for their advice or just need to rant
my mum has been amazing and i know she wants more than nothing for us to announce our bfp, and has been amazing since my sis announced her pg last sept
we know it will happen, we just dont know when!!
glad your starting to feel abit better xx