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Feeling sorry for myself :(

Feeling very low this week as i know i am expecting AF within the next week or so and I am dreading it. I know it is going to be completely heartbreaking yet again, I just dont know if I can handle anymore disappointment. I also have no idea if and when I ovulated.

I have spent a few hours with my niece and nephew whom I love to bits, but I just find it so so hard being around them sometimes as it just reminds me what I havent got and that I want so bad. To my hubby, friends and family I act like normal me, but inside I feel like I'm breaking sometimes.

Sorry for being depressing, but just not feeling very postive and upbeat at the moment and felt I needed to vent a little x


  • Aw hunny vent away! I used to so much. And know exactly what u mean about putting on a brave face with everyone, but inside ur feeling fragile, upset, scared and emotional.

    I don't know how long uv been ttc or ur story so forgive me. I was ttc for 2 years before I fell pg and I know I felt devastated and upset for most of those years. However we did get there!

    So what I guess I'm trying to say is chin up and try talking to ur Hubby as I did feel better when I started to talk to hubby about how hard I was finding it.

    Sorry iv not prob said anything helpful but wanted to give u hope that it can happen even after trying for a long time

    Big hugs x x
  • Aw, remeber you are not alone and don't beat yourself up about how you're feeling and like Faye said it would do you good to share your feelings with your hubby. I felt exactly the same as I was ttc for nearly 2 years with a miscarriage inbetween and it took over my life. I did get my bfp in December so it can happen i promise you xxxx Aw sending you a big hug xxxx there are lots of ladies on here who are such a great support so you have a moan whenever you want xxx Good luck xxxx
  • Thankyou poppy and Faye, It does give me hope hearing your stories. I'm so glad it worked out for you both in the end.

    We've been trying for about 16 months now and it that time i've seen friends and family have babies, but never us. I also find it hard because my hubby already has a son and although I love him and want the best for him, i find it very difficult and am so envious of his and my hubby's relationship and it is effecting my relationship with my stepson. Pathetic i know and i feel awful about it.

    I find it really helps speaking to ladies on here and hearing similar stories to mine, i just wish it was as easy to open up to hubby x
  • I think we all feel similar hon. I've been pretty low of late, crying at work when the usual me relishes a good argument, etc. My hubbies not great. He knows I'm down and not myself, but just tells me to cheer up. I said "I'm just being silly, aren't I?". And he said yes. End of convo. Had kind of hoped for a few comforting words!.. But it hard on them too- I know it kills my husband to see me so upset.

    Bit rambley. You're not alone.


    TTC month 25
  • Oh Hun I could have wrote that post myself... Although I don't oficially belong in here I sometimes come in here for words of advice or comfort.... We have been ttc for two and a half years but have been pregnant three times with three miscarriages and as such no baby. For the last two years since the first mc (feb 2010) my life has been one big state of depression, desperatley anxious to get pregnant then when I do anxious for 12 weeks to keep the baby and topped off with overwhelming hearbreaking when I loose the baby, going through all that three times has taken everything from me..... I like you put a brave face on for everyone else, normal old me just getting on with things but inside I am at a complete loss, no motivation to do anything, see anyone, go anywhere, even going to work is dam difficult!!! I just long for the day that I carry a full term healthy pregnancy to end all my woes and give me the one thing I want more than anything else... My family x x I really appreciate how you are feeling and just hope you get what you deserve also x x
  • hey kelbel,

    i feel exactly the same at min hun. must be the time of year for us all been so bummed out.

    we been ttc for 3 years n 3 months. no bfp. had all fertility work done and just been referred for ivf and waiting for the letter to come through of start date.

    i was starting to deal really well with it all then early dec i was struck down with shingles and its effected me quite badly. i'm still really bad and have been left with a really numb leg thats really sensitive. unfortunately the treatment is anti depressants and my gp refuses to give me it because if i did fall preg the drugs could cause serious abnormailities to the foetus! brilliant. so i've started tai chi which is meant to help. i'm taking a homeopathic remedy called Rhus tox which is fine to take apparently.

    i'm starting on milk thistle to give my body a full detox ready for ivf. and i'm on vitamins for mother to be. so i'm doing everything right but i'm not dealing with my emotions too well.

    i feel like i'm mentally breaking down, its horrible. i feel like everything is closing down on me. i'm hoping its part of this virus i have becuase i was quite strong (mentally) before all this. spend most evenings crying. i feel like an empty shell of who i used to be. my hubby is worried sick. and i just keep thinking is this all worth it???

    so i'm just going through the motions and hope when i get to the point of ivf i'll be fine. i have to be. i have about 6 weeks to sort myself out.

    sooo your not alone hunny, this is THE HARDEST thing i've ever gone through and i really hope it does work. i certainly won't be putting myself through it again for a second one! sod that!!!

    i realise my post is quite depressing too and i apologise that i'm not full of pma on this occasion. i'll hopefully be happier in a week or so. hope you feel better too xxx
  • Thanks 3054 - Im so sorry for your losses, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it could be to miscarry 3 pregnancies. I really hope nxt time it happens then it will be the one. Have you been referred for tests now as I thought tht after you 3rd consective miscarrige they start investigating?

    Hannahbell, I hope your feeling a little better, I've had friends who have had shingles and it doesnt sound pleasant. Do they think it is stress that has caused it? Hearing what yourself and others are going through really helps and its nice having that support where we can all lean on each other. Did they ever find anything wrong with the tests you have had or are they just classing it as unexplained? I'll keep my fingers crossed that ivf is a success first time round for you and you finally get what you deserve x

    I've got a friend that has unfortunately never been able to have children and i feel awful if i talk to her about it because I dont want to bring it all up agin for her, although she says she has now excepted it and does not mind talking about it. I worry that if that was our case - i dont think i would ever be able to except it and move on. I wouldnt know what to do or how to cope.

    Hears me rambling on again sorry ladies - just in my own little world while hubby is watching footy.
  • Yea Hun I was referred to liverpool womens hospital after the basic tests at local hospital came back all clear, had first appointment in October and go back on the 6th of feb for all my results so am hoping they will have some answers for me...... I don't think I could go through it many more times but can't give up either as I want a baby so bad..... The thought of not being able to have one is the hardest thing any woman could ever go through so we have good cause to feel down. We just have to be here for each other to help everyone through these hard times and hopefully out the otherside with good news x x
  • Just wanted to say to 3054 that there is hope. I had five miscarriages and was referred to recurrent miscarriage clinic and tests came back inconclusive. Several of my friends had accidents, not all kept them and each time it crushed me. Decided it wasn't going to happen and that we should just cherish our little boy .... Next month we found out I was pregnant, had lots of meds to stay pregnant and I am having my section on Friday after eight years we are over the moon
  • Won't lir tho, it's has been tough and dh and I have nearly split over strain of it all.
  • Amazing story Hun, thankyou I need stories like that to keep me going. Out of interest what meds did they have you taking to make this pregnancy successful??? Eight years... Wow not sure I've got that long, I'm 35 next week and the problem is it is taking us on average 7 months after each mc to fall pregnant again.... I know there is always hope but it feels like a long way to the light at the end of mine right now!!!!
  • kelbel2901 just wanted to say that sorry you are feeling low hun, I know exactly how you feel (((big hugs)))).

    We've been TTC 18 months and have male factor fertility issues. We've been referred to the NHS for fertility treatment but I've been told today that we won't get our first consultation until June. I'm gutted it seems like so long away, I was hoping by March/April we might have seen someone.

    I really hope you get your BFP soon hun, I know how hard it is to keep +ve month after month. I think its such a rollercoaster or emotions, there are days when I feel ok and then there are days when I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing this for. I too also worry that I'll never be a Mum, I think its only natural.

    Take Care x
  • Thankyou for all your kind words - it helps tremendously x
  • hey i had mild endometreosis which they treated. hubby was fine. that was a year and half ago now that i had that op so i keep thinking it could have all come back again. i guess i'll find out more when we start ivf.

    i feel like i'm back on the road to recovery now but know its not gonna be a fast recovery. i'm on a detox too and have MASSIVE headaches but know thats a good thing cos its working. i do however feel a bit more happier in myself which is such a nice feeling to finally have after feeling so low for so long

    hope your feeling a bit better talking to everyone else xxx
  • Feeling worse than i did last week, AF came on day 24, again, so means i have had 2 in the month of january and to top it all off it was my birthday y'day. Had an awful time as spent all day being annoyed with hubby as he was hungover from the night before so didnt make any effort for me whatsoever. We still are not speaking now. Just feel so low right now image
  • AWW Kelbel, sending a massive hug.(((((((hug )))))))))
  • Awwww big hugs hun x x It is my birthday on Wednesday AF has just left the building but I had my first scan on my Birthday two years ago which showed baby had no heartbeat so I really dont feel like celebrating, I have been down all week, getting AF and now thinking about what could have been!!!

    Hope hubby makes things up to you and you feel better soon x x
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