FRUSTRATION

How on earth am I supposed to deal with people telling me that 'its probably just stress' or 'there's probably nothing to worry about' or 'stop thinking about it and it will happen naturally'. All the while being totally dismissive of how I must be feeling. Typically these are people who have kids and have no spot of bother. 

Now I'm not saying I have anything against these woman, but they don't understand how hard it is, to be ttc for 3 years....The one thing I want most in the world I am not getting. 

Its so hard to smile, and put on a brave face when all you think about is why? 

A little background about me. My OH and I have been together for 7 years. We are now in our 3rd year TTC after I came off the Depo jag. My cycle is mega messed up and my OH has been tested. All a-okay there... in fact above average which doesn't help my feelings but obviously helps the fertility side. We are now on the 7 month waiting list for our first appointment with the Fertility Clinic in Glasgow. 

My mood has taken a spectacular dive. I am overweight, I am not oblivious to this so I am doing everything I can to lose the excess weight. But like my doctor said, overweight people fall pregnant too. I was caught up in  nasty cycle of being unhappy, unhappy because im not pregnant, not pregnant because of my weight, eating because im unhappy.... not good. My mood has slightly changed but I still feel like I need to seek a professional to vent my frustrations and that's what I have done. so we shall see...Also telling myself that I am failing at the one thing a woman was put on this earth to do wasn't helping. Still doesn't. 

How do people cope? we as woman have to much pressure, it sucks sometimes being a woman...is that why we are the stronger species? probably. 

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  • Hiya hun.

    Little bit about me - me and hubby have been married 2 years - ttc for 3... i have pcos hubbie has been tested and he is also above average.

    Had had 5 cycles of clomid on nhs (fell pregnant on 2nd cycle but mc... that was nov 2012.) had 2 cycles of IUI and nothing.

    I know how hard it is and how everyone says "you just need to relax" "destress and it will work" and your right its always from people that have just smelt their husbands pants and their pregnant!! (funny way to put it but im right arent i)

    Its been a very hard 3 years and it starts to put alot of pressure onto your relationship.

    Everyone around me is falling pregnant at the drop of a hat!

    i feel for you hun i know exactly what its like xx
  • sorry forgot to say im 25 and my husbands 28 x
  • You're being too hard on yourself hun! It's hard not to worry or get down when you've been trying for a while!! We started ttc sept 2011 and got pg 18 months later and thought 'this is it, it's finally happened'. Went for 12 week scan and no heartbeat!! Devastated!! I got through it really well and my cycles settled back quickly and then I sank into depression. I felt I had so much love to give to another child why wasn't it happening and the usual bitter thoughts; people have kids no problems and don't deserve them!! Why me!! The due date was very hard!! I knew I needed some help/support.

    After being on anti-depressants for 4 months and attending a six week depression course I started to feel a lot better;happier! I started enjoying my job again (working at a pre-school) and felt I was back to my 'old self'

    what I'm trying to say is ttc and my mmc made me forget about living my life;enjoying my life. I was so consumed with negative thoughts I truly believe it was affecting my fertility.

    My hubby went for his test; all came back fine so I chilled out and thought STOP WORRYING!!! I am now 7 weeks pregnant- don't get me wrong I am a little anxious and have the odd negative thought but I very quickly think to myself 'everything will be fine this time' 

    I never thought I would say this or believe it but I truly believe I got pg when I was in a happier place! I wish you all the luck in the world-you deserve it.

    Take care xxx

     

  • Thank you so much ladies. its such an emotional stressful time! horrible! I am so sorry that both of you had to go through a mc. its possibly one of the worst things in the world. No-one should have to go through that. 

    Lottie, that is a very funny way of putting it, but you are so right. My partner and I are the same age as you guys. we havent even got as far as me being tested except the usual blood tests at the doctors. Glad you came out of the other end of your mc, its a hard thing to have to go through. I have my fingers crossed for you. 

    Carioke, it sounds like you have been through a whirlwind aswell, and you are an amazing person to come through the end of it. I have my first appointment for a therapist soon. Im glad i have been able to admit that. Congratulations. that little bun in your oven is cooking away nicely. 

    Thank you both for your words, but you both know what its like, we just have to find our way to the end of the tunnel. I hope I can be strong and pull my way through.... 

    Currently waiting on my period....this is the worst bit of the month.... 

     

    xxx

  • I sincerely hope it doesn't turn up!! I have my fc for you xxx

  • Hiyaa ladies, really sorry to just bust in here I am a new member and have some concerns. I have diagnosed pcos with the full works (infertility,acne,weight-gain ect.) I havnt had a period for over 5 years whilst on different contraceptions but been contraception free for 8 months and still no period I have been on metformin 3 months in the aid of hopefully sorting me out I have just finished a 10 day course of utovlan to induce a bleed well my questions are has any1 else experienced ovulation after a induced period? And will this somehow regulate my non existant cycles? I am so concerned that i may be wasteing my time image many thanks and best of luck and baby dust to u all xx
  • Hi Sophie, 

    I am in the sort of the same boat as you. I was on contraception for about 5 years solid!!!! If I could go back in time to undo this I would. 

    My periods started to come back August 2012 and they are still major out of whack. They started to become 'normal-ish' about 3 months ago but even then I can never pin it down. I was told I could try all these drugs to try and regulate me but my doctor was very honest and said it might not work. I had to let nature do its own thing.... I know it sucks... Mother Nature never works in your favour. 

    I dont really have an answer to your question but I do know your frustration! 

    xxxx

  • Hi, i just wanted to share my story so u kno your not alon.  I came off the pill (microgynon) in august 2012 having been on it for 11 years solid, since then i havent had a normal period. Ive had iduced ones. ive had all the tests done and evreything has come back as fine, i completley agree at how frustratin it is, its just not fair! Ive also had 3 rounds of clomid and this hasnt worked either image ive got my next hospital appointment in just over a week to discuss my next steps.  I have tried evreythin from angus castus to accupuncture and nothing has worked adding more frustation! The pill has masked my problems for all these years, i actually remember going on it all those years ago coz i was so regular. Sorry i have no answers either i just wanted to share my story xxx

  • Hi Chelly, 

    It is so frustrating but such a comfort to know that I am not alone. I honestly did think I was going a little crazy for a while. Talking it through definately helps. 

    I have just had major news, our first appointment has came in. Is it normal to feel sick? haha! its so scary! text my partner to let him know but he is working right now. 

    I am glad you have shared your story and I do hope that you get some answers. Everyone deserves to have a baby in their life. And my outlook is, if it comes to it I have to go down a different avenue like adopt or surrogacy, I will still be a mummy one day! xxxx

  • I'm hearing every word you're saying.

    I've got polycystic ovaries, but not the syndrome. I've known this for 7 years. They put me on a pill they said wouldn't affect my cycles when I came off it - not true. In a year of trying, I've had only two periods (one was Provera induced), weeks and weeks and weeks of spotting, and only 1 confirmed ovulation (back in July).  

    I was referred to the fertility clinic and got in after 12 weeks, but had to wait a good few weeks to get into my doctors for some tests, then my results were lost...twice... then Christmas came and everything was put on hold. Then I couldn't get in for the procedure I needed, so had to wait again. I'm now over 4 months behind where they said I would be. In addition, my work life is just terrible (working 80+ hours a week and only getting paid for a third of the hours I do) and to know that this is so likely to be affecting my fertility and ability to ovulate is just horrendous - but I can't not work. I'm crying every day.  I feel like I can't carry on. 

    The only thing I like doing is being with my dh and running - but the fertility clinic said to stop running because it could be affecting my ovulation...yet they were the ones that said to start exercising in the first place.

    I just want to start a family. Who knew it could ever be this hard?!

    Thank god for forums like this xxx

  • Hi Wooh, 

     

    God that sounds so stressful. Work is an issue, but like you said you have to work. Have you explained to your work what you are going through and they might be a bit understanding? long shot i know but maybe worth your mental health..it sounds like they are running you into the ground. 

    Why have you never been confirmed as PCOS? 

    I have finally got a date through for our first appointment. Is it strange that I feel sick just thinking about it? lol. It sounds like you have been given the runnaround at the clinic. Honestly our nhs system is crap! loads of people think its amazing because we dont pay for it, but i think it makes it worse. Wish I could go private but i am not rolling in money, i wish haha! 

    I hope you get some answeres sooner or later, because yeah, no one ever tells you the hard part of starting a family, just the nice parts... xxx

  • Hi BooKitty image

    I haven't been confirmed as PCOS because I don't have any other symptoms of it other than polycystic ovaries and odd cycles. I don't have problems with weight gain or hair patterns or insulin/sugar problems, so although I've had blood test after blood test and all sorts of scans, I'm classed as 'pco' without the 's'.

    When is your first appointment? Hoping it's really soon! I've just had the date through for our second one - 4 months since the first because of all the lost stuff, messed up appointments, etc, grrr. Still, at least it's through...  I'm struggling on what to tell work though. I don't want anyone to know - it's not the most confidential of places and everything finds its way out (despite the immorality of it!). Work are fully aware how stressed out I am (and the rest of my colleagues, in all fairness, it's not just me), but all they say is, "You don't need to be stressed, take some time off this evening." All very well, but if then we don't get the job done, they'll be telling us off and we'll be getting disciplinary..!

    We're just the same as you though in terms of going private - at £150 per basic consultation, it's hardly affordable for the main bulk of society, is it?  And the husband and I are supposed to be in 'professional', well paid jobs - again though, it's the rich who can get the help they need instantly.

    Hmmmm. 

    Well, let me know how you go. Keeping everything crossed for you! x

  • Hi Wooh, well my oh appointment is march (he has to do his samples again even though he has done it all) and then we both go in april. I am so nervous!



    AF arrived this weekend which really put a dampner on things considering we done the deed on the days we were supposed to... so frustrating.



    That is so strange, even though you have pco you don't have the s... thats amazing though now you have the next appointment image step forward in the right direction. Its hard to knoe what to tell the work, I was straight up and told them but then my girls and I are quite close, maybe you could tell them its just normal hospital appointment. They dont have to knoe the details. And if they push for an answer just say you would rather not disclose until you yourself know more ??



    When is your next appointment? Soon? Xxx
  • Mine's March too, next Friday image He's going to do all his stuff again too, even though it's already been done. That's on Wednesday, so fingers crossed is all well.

    I can't reveal what's going on at work otherwise I'd be massively looked down on - I'm a teacher and if you reveal you're ttc, it's amazing how management attitudes towards you change, like you're less professional or something, it's awful! Seen it happen so often - like women are treated as if they're not taking their job seriously anymore because they're ttc. So has to stay a secret. At least there's no pressure from colleagues asking questions though, so I guess that's good. Not that I'd tell them anyway, we haven't told anyone except our best friends. Not even our parents know. 

    Argh, sorry about af - even more annoying when you know you did everything at the right time! At the moment, I'm never sure if we're doing it at the right time, cycles are all over the place, booo. Think I've ovulated, but then get af 5 days afterwards, so can't really be, despite temperature hike. 

    So frustrating, all this!!! xxx

  • Omg are you kidding me?? Thats disgusting!!!! They should be ashamed of themselves! Its hard enough as it is, dont need people doing that!



    Our parents dont know either! Best that way haha!



    Its horrible, I thought mine were starting to become normal but this month I was 12 days over! But positive thinking for both of us image



    it will happen! Xxx
  • I had my appointment, BooKitty image 

    Sperm analysis for dh was 91 million with excellent motility. She said I DO have PCOS, but much rarer version called Lean PCOS which basically just means my hormones react slightly differently, still causing cysts on my ovaries but not causing some of the other things associated with PCOS like excess hair growth, weight control problems. 

    I had the main consultant! She was incredible, whisked me in there and then to do the scan prior to taking Clomid (which she said to start the same day!) and actually did the whole thing herself. She said we'd been waiting for such a long time, there was no point delaying it anymore, and when her appointment after us didn't show up, she said she'd just do it herself. So in 35 minutes, we had a full run down of my hormones, his sperm analysis, my treatment prospects, an inspection of my ovaries (of which she showed me on the screen everything, none of which I'd ever had explained to me before!) and basically made sure we felt confident and happy before we left her. She was so positive, saying there's no sign that Clomid shouldn't work because everything else is perfect. 

    I know it doesn't mean we'll conceive straight away but I do feel happier and less stressed than I ever have with ttc yet, so that must be good for something?! 

    When are you next in? Hope you're ok! x

  • Hi Wooh, 

    That is amazing! I am so happy for you image She sounds amazing! Its all a step in the right direction and at least now you know and how to move forward. 

    You never know, I have everything crossed for you image eeeekkkk exciting future ahead of you. 

    my partner is in for his sperm sample next thursday although at our GP he has had all this done and he came out wayyy above average for count, health and mobility. The GP joked they would put supermans sperm to shame lol. 

    And then mid April I go for my first ever consult with the fertility clinic. I imagine it will be emosh! haha! I have been feeling very positive of late, I am swimming/walking nearly every day and I have joined back slimming world. so heres hoping. I just got a bit worried as my BMI is above what they say is ideal for having fertility treatment and that put me on a bummer image x

  • I think I actually ovulated, which is exciting! Had all nature of scans recently to see how the clomid has been working, and all aside from my womb lining not being ideally as thick as it needs to be (4.3mm instead of 6+), everything else is fine image Just waiting to see if my temperatures stay high over the next few days to confirm ovulation. Husband is away at the moment though, so if I haven't ovulated already, I'm hanging on for Tuesday, so maximise the opportunity!

    That's great you're really pushing with the healthy life-style image I'm chuffed to bits for you. Don't worry about your BMI, it's the lifestyle which will help you - making things habitual rather than crash dieting to get to a weight, etc. Keep it up and you'll feel tons better, which I think is half the battle image Keep me posted! xx

  • Hi hun... i have been diagnosed with pcos today after 11 months of trying. I burst in to tears when the nurse told me. Starting to research online what can be done. Im so scared i will never conceive. Have to see what the doc suggests to do first x
  • There's plenty of options, bexy. Please don't worry!! image We're all in it together and we're here you need a rant! x 

     

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