Diagnosed today….feel as if someone has died!
Just need to get this out there….dont need any replies I just need to type.
So we have been TTC for around about 18 months (I dont really count the first few) after being on pill for nearly 15 years. Nothing was happening despite reading every bit of info about getting the timing right.
Anyway we got referred early by our GP as I could prove that we had timed it right (charting etc) and have been for a boat load of tests from about Christmas 2014.
Today we have been told that my husband has a sperm count of zero….so no matter what we do we are never going to get pregnant naturally. There are a lot of reasons why this could be, and we can possibly get some sperm surgically but only if that is successful could we try IVF.
I went to today's appointment thinking that the worst case scenario would be IVF….but we might not even get that far. I am so disappointed and also disappointed in myself, as I feel as though I am being disloyal to my husband by wanting to change our circumstances by having a baby….I mean our lives are pretty great right now, we are healthy (other than azoospermia!) and have a lovely home and good jobs, and great friends and family. How can I wish for anything more?
Whats worse is that my sister in law just told us she was pregnant yet none of our family know we have been for this appointment today….and I just can't bring myself to tell any of them. But its not fair to just avoid my sister in law at this happy time. I am hoping that by the weekend I will feel better about it.
The plus points for us are
- I am fine and have very good ovarian reserve and am young (ish - 32)
-I no longer need to wonder every month and deal with the disappointment….i know i wont be!
-the consultant we met today was lovely and has sent for more tests and analysis to check reason for zero sperm….then she can judge if surgical sperm retrieval is a likely to succeed.
-once we get there, there is no wait for IVF.
-my husband is being wonderful….considering I had to talk him into TTC in the first place and looks as if he is prepared to do this for me.