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Ovulating on Grandads birthday <3

Soooo, I just experienced 2 back to back miscarriages, the last one started on 5th June and lasted 11 days.
I decided to take some OPKs to prevent a pregnancy this month - I don't want that to happen 3 times in a row but I hate any contraception even condoms, none of it feels good lol!
So I took an OPK yesterday on my Grandads birthday and it was positive, told my partner NOT to do it inside lol! and then today when I woke up I asked my grandad to give me a sign as to whether I should go through with ttc with my partner or not this month and voila! Another positive OPK!

Anyone else been too scared to try after 2 back to back miscarriages?

I'm cr**ping a brick, even though we're 'being safe' (Partner has never got me pregnant with pre-cum, sorry if tmi lol!) I just don't know what to do, I know I want to do... But I also know my partner can't cope with the constant am I pregnant, am I not? saga.

It's all really getting to me, I have no one to turn to so that I can speak about it as everyone around me doesn't understand the pain behind my journey in ttc.

But also, I've had so many times where I've been convinced I'm pregnant then not been - that the last 2 months my partner hasn't even been excited about me being pregnant. I haven't been either because I knew it would end the way they did.

Does anyone have any input? What do you think?
I really want another child, my son is 7 now and I'm scared I've lost my fertility completely. I was told at 15 that I couldn't conceive and I defied the odds. But there's something eating away at me that says I'm not going to make it this time. :'(

Thanks in advance everyone <3 xxx


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