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Draining, TTC for years, losing faith

I keep to-ing and fro-ing due to motivation and losing faith. Unfortunately, last year my dad died which tore me apart and I really did lose faith. I've been trying for my first with my husband of four years (we've been trying for just over this) and it honestly devastated me that my dad would never see my child.

I didn't think I'd ever get over it really. It's still upsetting to think about of course but I'm better at it now luckily. I've got some amazing friends and family. After being referred to the clinic for infertility, they came to the conclusion I wasn't ovulating properly. At the moment in the past 18 months I think I've had about 10-12 periods. I've been up to 4 months with nothing. At the moment, I'm on an average of a 67 day cycle or something. My sister fell pregnant in December so she's due in September of this year. I'm of course super happy for her, but she knows that I'm also sad and jealous (obviously). She was scared to tell me in a way because she thought I'd hate her, which also makes me sad. 
I just feel a bit alone sometimes and then none of my friends IRL are going through this, my husband is a closed book so I can't really talk to anyone except for strangers on the internet. 

Anyway, thanks for reading my pointless post lol. Baby dust to all ya'll xx


  • Hi there. I’m new here and just read your post. Firstly, I just wanted to say you are very brave and secondly, that in no way was it a pointless post! What you’re dealing with is hard and sometimes just reaching out is what you need to do. Also, sorry for the loss of your dad (I know that probably doesn’t mean much from a total stranger, sorry).

    Anyway, I also wanted to say that I totally understand what you are going through. About 10 years ago I went through something very similar. After 4 years and 10 months of TTC I felt totally hopeless of ever having a child. But I was blessed with that long awaited BFP in April 2008 after being diagnosed with Ovulation problems. I know its kinda bitter sweet when you hear all these “there is hope, I went through it, I conceived blah blah“ because sometimes the only bit you focus on is the kinda “well lucky you, you got your result“ part. But don’t give up hope is all I can offer I’m afraid. And just know that you are not alone. 

    Well I’m sort of going through it again as have been TTC again for about 2 and a half years now and it’s just not happening. Plus the NHS give very limited help if you already have a child and we can’t afford to go private. I know this sounds like a terrible whinge as I am already blessed with a child so I am sorry if it comes across that way; my only intention is to give you hope.

    I hope this helps in some way. 

    best of luck to you!

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