Draining, TTC for years, losing faith
I keep to-ing and fro-ing due to motivation and losing faith. Unfortunately, last year my dad died which tore me apart and I really did lose faith. I've been trying for my first with my husband of four years (we've been trying for just over this) and it honestly devastated me that my dad would never see my child.
I didn't think I'd ever get over it really. It's still upsetting to think about of course but I'm better at it now luckily. I've got some amazing friends and family. After being referred to the clinic for infertility, they came to the conclusion I wasn't ovulating properly. At the moment in the past 18 months I think I've had about 10-12 periods. I've been up to 4 months with nothing. At the moment, I'm on an average of a 67 day cycle or something. My sister fell pregnant in December so she's due in September of this year. I'm of course super happy for her, but she knows that I'm also sad and jealous (obviously). She was scared to tell me in a way because she thought I'd hate her, which also makes me sad.
I just feel a bit alone sometimes and then none of my friends IRL are going through this, my husband is a closed book so I can't really talk to anyone except for strangers on the internet.
Anyway, thanks for reading my pointless post lol. Baby dust to all ya'll xx