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serious debating!!! be warned craziness enclosed!!

hey ladies,
how are you all doing?

ive had a really great day today (work was great, not stressful)
but as soon as i left work (3.30;pm)
the mother and toddler group were coming out and then followed the yoga pregnancy group, seeing all those pregnant mums, brought me crashing down, now im sitting at home sobbing my heart out cos we are now on month 35, and still NO BABY!!!!

i really dont know how much longer i can do this, hubby is great, but doesnt really seem that bothered.
we just want a baby sooooooo much (dont we all)
im really scared about the ivf stuff and we still dont know whether we have a 2 yr wait as im only 21 in feb, and nhs wont fund it till then.

but my really good mate (great looking te he) offered to donate his sperm to us,
in hindsight this would be fantastic, but not realistic. but i just can not forget the idea!!!
i know im just being crazy, but i see the hurt in my mans face when each month the good old AF turns up, its distroying him.
and in actual fact ym man and my mate look very similar, apart from my man is slightly taller ,they look identiucal (weird tho) when we all go out ppl think theyre brothers.
we just want this baby sooo much,. id do anything, i really have such mixed feelings on this, i know that my mate would not want to be involved in this childs life because hed see the baby alot, and he really has no interest in children at all. he said hed not worry because im like his sister to him and he knows this baby would be so cared for that itd have the best parents and i see him 3 times a aweek at least.

please someone help me!!!1

do we go with donation or do we wait another 2 yrs to possibly start ivf???
im petrified of needles so am really in limbo at moment!!!!!


sorry long message but really need help (cant you tell?)
what do you ladies think??

mrs Elbrow


  • Hi, if you really wanted to use a donor then id really look into an anominous sperm donor.
    Maybe you are really good friends with this lad now but there could be too many complications. Maybe when the baby is born he'd change his mind and want regular contact, or maybe when/if he marries he'd want regular contact.

    You are stil young chocoholicworm - wait and see what happens with nhs ivf. Maybe you wont have to wait the remaining 2years.
    Good luck
  • Choco.... I feel u hun. I am currently on IVF now, and honestly hun, it is not that bad.

    I do have a 10 yr old daughter, and had eptopic tubal in 2000, so it has been 8 yrs now and nothing. So finally saw new doctor who finally referred me to specialist.

    Have u at least went to do other tests... ie... SA, Sanogram, to check ovaries and tubes? Hormones? Are your AF regular? Do u know if in fact u r ovulating?

  • hey ladies thnks, i got up thid morning thinking what the bloody hell was i thinking EVEN considering it!!!!
    it is great idea in hindsight but like i siad not practical or realisitc,

    in terms of tests, yes weve had tests done, i had day 2-5 bloods hubby had alot more, but we already know that hubby has low sperm count and low motility so thats our problem. as far as weve been told im fine (my hormone levels are fine) although not had sonogram i think that what you said.

    what other tests shouldi expect following ivf referal, (again) previously we didnt get very far. but what tests did u have and when?

    mrs Elbrow
  • hey hon, thank you for ur reply. i understand where your coming from. its just soooo hard. i dont want to do ivf because of my phobia, i do want to do it cos we want baby sooo much, this guy lives about 1 1/2 hours away so would not have that much contact but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww it driving me crazy, why can i not forget the whole conversation with him. it would be great in hindsight but i know it would cause complications.

    maybe we should ask about donor sperm xx

    awwww this is making me crazy

    good luck to everyone xx
  • Choc, I know excatly what you are going through...!
    I am have had 2 inseminations with donor sperm (hopefully due for 3rd lot next week), but sadly without success. OH has the problem of no fertile sperm, as far as all the tests are concerned, I have no problem.

    We had joked about me going out on the street corner - it would be cheaper and easier - it was a joke, honest....OH has only agreed to go with DI as he knows it would be anonymous....but I also had a close friend of mine offer to 'help'.

    Here I am about to go through the 3rd lot of treatment. The fact of the matter is that you only get one chance each month - at least other people can be bd all through the month - but once I get that surge, that is my only chance.

    The thought of my friend at least gives me the option of having another 1 or 2 chances during the month. I know darn well that he would not want anything to do with baby, but is it really an option. The thought of it excites me to think that I could get pg, but the reality is a completely different matter.

    Money is limited, and if I dont get a BFP this month, then the chances are that I will only be able have one more go. Maybe my friend will get 'used', maybe he wont, maybe the friendship will be strained. I would rather he stayed my friend, than the disgruntled father of my child who I could no longer talk to, and have a laugh with.

    Sorry a lot of rambling there. Probably what I am trying to say is stick with the thought of having ivf, you are still young enough (i'm 37) to have the opportunity of having a child that is BOTH of yours.
  • thank you honey , that really helps lol.
    its all crazy stuff lol,

    had a great day at work so im really raring to go lol. i think that if we were told we were starting ivf today, id have no quarms at all but i have days when im petrified down to my bones lol. it is a massive challenge for us, but like i said previously we may still have 2 yrs left of waiting so enough time ot prepare.

    i really wish you sooo much luck for the third attepmt, please let me know how it all goes!!!

    love ya xx
    mrs elbrow
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