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Could any of you ladies please give me some advise??

Hi Ladies

I have jumped from the due in November forum

I really hope no one thinks I am being insensitive by posting on here, I just have a problem that I need help on.

My friend has been TTC for 2 years, they are a bit older than me and we were all really close. They are still not PG, and understandably are struggling.(they have had all sorts of tests - all normal)

I was very lucky and concieved straight away, and we told them the news back in March. They sent us a congratulations text, but now they wont answer our phone calls, they wont text us back when we text them and I think its because I am pg : ( Its really upsettimg my hubby as he has been friends with her hubby for over 10 years, and now they dont want to know us.

I dont know how to handle this situation. I feel soooo so bad for them as they are a fantastic couple and will make amazing parents, and I wish I could wave a magic wand for them and make it happen for them. I know how terrible it must be for her to be around pregnant women right now, and I don't know what to do.

Can any of you give me some advise on how to handle this? I dont want to loose them forever xxxx Thank you xxxx

Replies

  • Hi,

    I am afriad there isn't really anything you can do other than be supportive for them. Dont stop texting them just keep on trying to get in touch and as much as I know you probably aren't doing this - but dont talk about your pregnancy too much or mention it.

    Everone deals with this in different ways and by not being in touch with you proabbly means this is their way fo choosing how to deal with the situation. I think you have to repsect that and just let them know they are still very important to you both and when they are ready to be around you again you will be waiting. x
  • Hi Stace, I don't think you're being insensitive - quite the opposite as you obviously care v much for your freinds. I'm afraid to say that when I was TTC and struggling, I totally avoided friends who were pg.......I just couldn't bear the pain of being around them. There was nothing they could have done at the time to help, I didn't want them not to be pg and I was happy for them deep down, but I just felt so sad that I wasn't that I couldn't be near them or think about them. I felt so guilty for thinking and behaving this way.....all I would have wanted was to know that they would forgive me for how I behaved. But I wouldn't (personally) have wanted them to mention it to me (but they didn't know we were TTC as we didn't discuss the problems with anyone). What I have appreciated most is now that I finally am pg, they have all welcomed me back into their lives and do not seem resentful of the fact that I bearly spoke to them for the previous yr. I feel quite ashamed of how I acted but I needed to do that to stay sane, so I guess I'd hate to know that someone was angry / upset with me because of this. Sorry, have rambled on, and probably not v helpful!! x
  • I have been on both sides, i suffered infertility for 2 years, and found it hard to be around pregnant friends, i made an effort when needed, but did lose touch with them, again like the others have said, i was pleased for them, just very very unhappy for myself, and sometimes would come home from visits and just cry at my own situation. They never pushed their pregnancy's on me, and i was grateful for that.. somedays i could cope and others i just needed to hide away, they seemed to accept this.

    During this period of time i also had another friend who was suffering infertility, she was a good support to me, and we had lots in common. I become pregnant in Jan and i haven't seen her since. We text very occasionally and i have given her lots of opportunity to meet up, chat, talk about her treatment etc. I do feel that i could still be a good support to her as i know how she is feeling, however i totally appreciate seeing me with a big old bump is probably too much for her right now. i know it is not malicious, and other friends think she is being mean spirited, not wishing me well, but i dont, she just wants what i have for herself.

    If i were you I would continue to keep in touch, send emails, facebook, txt etc (not about your pregnancy) and i'm sure in time they will be able to move forward and will appreciate what good friends you have been.

    Well done for being such a good friend.

    Gem x






  • Aw thank you so much for all your replies !! You have all been extremely helpful in helping me understand how they must be feeling !

    I am not going to take it personally and I am not going to resent them for not getting in touch, I'll keep on emailing etc so they know we are still here and hope that very very soon we will get that wonderful call to say they are expecting!!

    Thanks again ladies, really appreciate it !! xxxx
  • It must be tough for you!

    I'm lucky I think that although I'm very sad and even go home and cry when I hear of friends being pregnant, even worse pregnant with second babies we have been trying so long, I am so happy for them at the same time it keeps me sane, I just think how happy I would be and how precious it is for them.

    You sound like an amazing friend and I'm sure it will all be ok soon xxx
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