Forum home Getting pregnant Long term TTC & infertility

DH SA - he's still drinking...!

Hi girls as you know DH SA came back last week mostly pretty good but very poor morphology, anyway I said that we both needed to be as healthy as possible and would he mind not drinking until his next test or at least very little and that I'd support him by doing the same even though I'm not a big drinker anyway.

He agreed but said with the exception of..... and basically came out with a list of our social engagements for the next few weekends. I explained that there's always going to be a reason to drink but that it encourages the binges and we're best off stopping no excuses. He however insisted his brother's 30th night out (weekend just gone) our friends BBQ (next weekend) and my Brothers wedding (end May) would be business as usual. I got really upset saying I felt it was a small price to pay, that I would be doing it while pg (god willing) and breastfeeding, I needed him to do it before hand but that I was still willing to do the same in support. He didn't exactly commit so I decided to see how the weekend panned out.

Anyway we arrived in Scotland on Friday afternoon (the big night out was the following night and had assumed that's when he wanted his drinking pass) but as soon as we arrived he went straight to the fridge and picked up a bottle of beer... it lastest minutes, then there was another, and another.... I stopped counting at about 7 or 8... he was then drinking a pint of diet coke but a sip proved there was a spirit in there.... there were a few of those plus some champers... and I went to bed 3 hours before him so who knows after that!! I felt really disappointed, this was only at his bro's house, there was no real need for it.... I didn't touch a drop other than a couple of sips of champers for a toast,

I told him I was upset the following morning and he defended it saying the bottles he had was the eqvilant of just a a few pints and that he wasn't drunk.... I pointed out just because he has a high tolerance and doesn't feel drunk it doesn't mean it doesn't take an effect elsewhere.

To be fair the next night he had 2/3 lager shandys... or at least that's what he said they were. I was on soft drinks all night.

How much should I nag...?! I'm not saying I want him to feel guilty that the SA wasn't perfect, we're a team and if I'm found to have a fertility problem I'd hope he wouldn't blame me either but I can't help but feel upset that he's not doing what he can to help. He's watched me cry my eyes out a number of times this past year, he knows how bad I want this and there's something(s) he can do to help and he's not............ :cry:

~ OP xx

Replies

  • Hi maybe he is a little upset over the results and that is his way of dealing with it my other half didn't really cut down either and his were bad however when we went to the clinic last week they have now told him no more than 10 units a week which he is sticking to so maybe as him to do that then he can have drink just not to much?
  • Thanks girls! He'll go all week without a drink quite reguarly and at the weekends he'll easily get through 2/3 bottles of red wine with a friend with a few beers on top so it's very bingey.

    The BBQ is about a 5 min walk away so can't use the driving thing but he's quite open with his mates about the reason why he needs to cut back. His biggest drinking buddy said if he drinks at his BBQ he'll then quit with him..... it would really help to have him on board but it'll mean a mega binge this weekend which we could pay for, for the next 3 months from what I understand...?!

    I'm just tired of whinging at him!!!! x
  • Hi OP. Very difficult one. My DH and I both like a drink. Our specialist said that I should have no more than 1-2 units a week and that DH was OK so long as he was under 21 units a week, although binge drinking is bad for you, as we all know. It's so hard with the culture as it is now.

    I probably wouldn't nag too much if it were me - only because I know my DH doesn't take kindly to it and ultimately, he'll do as he wishes to a certain extent!

    A believe a mega binge can have an effect on sperm health but I don't think you'll suffer for 3 months because of it. I think (and I could be wrong), as sperm takes three months to mature, it would have an effect on the sperm that was being ejaculated in three months time that might be affected. Not from now until three months time and not in four months time. I hope that makes some kind of sense to you!

    I think the other girls are right, he might be saying that he is OK with it all and telling his mates, but he may be really struggling inside. He might feel that he's somehow let you down and when you nag it might make him feel that he's let you down again and so on.

    All sounds good, but I know exactly how you feel. And I am an AWFUL nag to my poor DH sometimes.

    Bottom line is, if your DH is anything like mine, the more I nag the less likely he is to listen to me or do what it is I'm nagging him about! Maybe try and say nothing for a while and see what happens. Then when he has been good, praise him for it and tell him you've noticed and that you're really proud of him and thankful for his commitment.

    Good luck and sorry for the ramble!!

    xxxxx
  • Mrs Hopeful... thanks for that, that made sense actually re; sperm 3 months thing...! The doc is letting him re-test anyway after he complained the sample pot was 'too small' and we missed some of it- LOL!! She's given him a bigger pot now!!

    I'm taking to training him like my dog, not so much telling off and nagging but loads of praise when he's "good"!!!! Hopefully I'll see an improvement in his efforts!!

    OP xx
  • They are just like dogs sometimes!! And that is the tact I have to take sometimes too!!

    He quite often gets a "Good boy" and a pat on the back!!

    xxxxx
  • grr I already replied!!! LOL

    As much as I love my OH he is a pain in the arse for same reason LOL

    Totally understand where you are coming form OP, he is a smoker has refused to cut down WTF says he is addicted blah blah really wrecks me, he also loves the drink and has yet to curtale this to any degree.

    Personally I think it is ignorance on the male part - what I mean is us women come on here find out all the info, we are the ones who have to initiate the fertility process etc and at the end of it all we grown the baby have it and get the maternity leave, therefore I think that the men (in general) think that it is mostly the woman that has to watch herself they dont twig that it is 50/50 effort for conception and that they need to be in peak health.

    I am sick to the back teeth of going on at my OH we have had quite a few rows over this too as think he is very selfish and what annoys me more than any thing is he sees how much this LTTC is hurting me (not that it doesn;t hurt him too) but I know if it was me I would do everything possible and think it hurts when they wont commit to the same degree as you - they just think differently than us image

    Hopefully his count will increase and you'll get your well derserved BFP - BIG KISS xx
Sign In or Register to comment.