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Telling your boss???
Hi
I am waiting for my initial consultant appointment after discovering that I only ovulate every other cycle, have extremely irregular cycles (last five were 38, 30, 56, 31, 73) and hubby has a low sperm count with poor motility. I expect to eventually follow the IVF route. I have a very stressful job in charge of a Science department in a secondary school and have just had the most stressful half term of my life. I am in two minds about whether to tell my boss - the head about our problems. Obviously she will need to know if I need time for treatment; however she is responsible for my stressful work life at the moment. Maybe she would be less horrible if she knew what I was going through? What do people think? Has anyone told people at work???
I am waiting for my initial consultant appointment after discovering that I only ovulate every other cycle, have extremely irregular cycles (last five were 38, 30, 56, 31, 73) and hubby has a low sperm count with poor motility. I expect to eventually follow the IVF route. I have a very stressful job in charge of a Science department in a secondary school and have just had the most stressful half term of my life. I am in two minds about whether to tell my boss - the head about our problems. Obviously she will need to know if I need time for treatment; however she is responsible for my stressful work life at the moment. Maybe she would be less horrible if she knew what I was going through? What do people think? Has anyone told people at work???
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I personally did tell my boss. I have a stressful job and I work long hours and I knew if I was suddenly having time off or having lots of appts my boss would know something immediately was up. She was fantastic. She ven knows that I will be going down the IVF route, she has said all I have to do is let her know when I know about not being in work and she does not mind how late notice it is. She also double checks my work schedule as she knows I take on a lot so she is now much more conscious of my work load. I ave been very luky, However I do know that others have had problems. Do you have a good relationship with your boss? And is she approachable??
xxx
I'm gatecrashing, sorry, but I'm a teacher too so totally empathise with what you mean about stress!
I think that yes, you should tell your head. Everyone is entitled to a private life but I think that very often schools expect teachers to throw their own lives to the wind so that the school can keep on track. And because we go into teaching because we believe in education and want to do the very best we can for our pupils, all too often we forget that at the end of the day teaching is just a job and that what counts is us, our lives and our families. Right now you need to be able to concentrate on you, and you need work to cut you some slack. Also, you will probably need to take some time off during term time, which you are entitled to do, but I think if your head doesn't know why you may end up with a huge guilt trip - the cost of supply, not good for the consistency of teaching, blah blah blah.
Hope it goes ok for you - not just as school, but also with ttc. xxxx
As you know I'm due to start IVF in the next couple of weeks and I really do not want to tell my work. I just feel it would snowball as there are too many people who would need to know. I have no idea how this will pan out in the end though and I am quite stressed about how I'll manage things. However I do have a bit of flexibility in my diary and am out and about quite a bit at meetings etc. I know some people have told work they have 'gynae issues' and not been very specific so could that be an option if you decide not to tell her? Let us know what you decide and how it goes xx
Whatever you decide to do it has to be the right decision for you, your boss sounds hard work but if you put it across in the right way I'm sure she'd be understanding.
I am one of those people who had a hard time after telling my boss that DH & I were having infertiity investigations and I don't think I would tell him again but I think a lot of that was my personal circumstances so don't let it put you off! I don't think I told him in the best way either as I was very upset so making an appointment to discuss it definitely sounds like the best plan rather than having it 'come out' when you're feeling low and emotional. I think telling her is the right thing to do though as you need to be able to focus on yourself and be a bit selfish. My situation was that my boss was attacking me for not being 'on form' and so I thought that by explaining what I was going through he would be sympathetic. In hindsight, perhaps saying it earlier would have avoided a nasty confrontation that now has me looking for a new job!
Best of luck and I hope you get a much better response than I did. I'm also keeping everything crossed for you that you get your much deserved BFP very soon and all this will be sooooo worth it
S xx
She was over the moon when I told her my HSG result came back clear today and has been great when I need to attend hospital appointments and blood tests.
I just worry that if I admit this is all because I want to be pregnant, my management position will be looked on less favourably as I already have issues with not being paid the same as other managers.
I told my boss, and it was absolutely the right decision for me too. I told him as soon as we'd had our initial consultation that we were going to need IVF, so all I had to do when we were starting was tell him that we were starting. I work in training, so am not in the classroom every day, but had to arrange cover for some teaching and he was fine with that.
The time it was particularly beneficial for me was this week, when I found out our first round of IVF hadn't worked. My boss had asked me to cover for someone else to teach a course this week. I basically had a total meltdown on the phone to the office - snot, tears, huge sobs, the lot - and my boss told me to stay at home until I felt better and not to worry at all about what was going on in the office in the meantime. The course was cancelled, and it wasn't the end of the world.
If he hadn't known beforehand what I was going through, I would almost certainly have had to teach the course this week and would probably have ended up having a meltdown in front of the class, which wouldn't have looked particularly professional.
I think it's great that you've arranged a meeting to discuss it with your boss before the heavy part of any treatment begins - hopefully it will be a much more straightforward and less emotional conversation, which should help both of you.
Good luck xx
My manager is understanding but i have told her i am having gyne issues as someone else mentioned i told her i have PCOS and have problems with my periods and that i need a operation which has been booked but said its for my cyts, i have not actually told her that im trying for a baby, i dont think she realises this either yet, i just dont want to be questioned all the time about it, she probably would be understanding, someitmes i don't like the thought of lying, but to me its more a white lie.
Its hard in your situation as it seems the head doe snot seem very approachable, but i think maybe you need to say something even if its 'gyne' issues, good luck hun xx