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Feels like the OH isn't taking this seriously

kimmy84kimmy84
in Long term TTC & infertility
So my OH and I have been trying for 3 years, we've both had tests done and been told that we wont be able to conceive naturally as OH sperm are the wrong shape. We will need to have IVF. My OH is a smoker  :/ unless he stops smoking we can't go for IVF. We were told this back in April and he is still continuing to smoke. He said he is trying to cut down but I just feel like he's not really taking this seriously, we've got another appointment in September and he said he will stop then! I have done my research and know you have to be a non smoker for at least 6 months, I just feel like he's just adding more time on to an already long wait, we wont even get referred if he's still smoking. I don't want to nag at him as I know its hard to quit. its just so frustrating. I feel like i'm already a mom i'm just missing a child. 
Sorry, just needed a rant, don't think it helps that AF is due soon and i can feel the moodiness descend on me. All the great traits of being snappy and Jealous, jealous that my friends get to have babies easily and a reminder of what i'm missing with the daily updates of how the pregnancy is going.  :s  

One day.....


Replies

  • kimmy84kimmy84
    Just a little add on to my earlier rant, my OH has now turned round and said it's not going to happen, he's not going to give up smoking as he doesn't see why he should have to change his lifestyle. He's asked why we can't just let it happen naturally. 
    I want to scream at him, I want to cry.
    I don't know how to explain how I feel to him, as to why having a baby means so much to me, how to explain that you know something from your life is missing, that there is a feeling in you, a very strong feeling of need for a child. does that even make sense? 
  • senshisetsunasenshisetsuna
    Yep, it makes sense. My DH has been through a previous marriage and already has two kids, and he remembers quite well when his ex got the fever. I tell him it's like a switch in my brain that my body turned on, I had no control over it. Of course, having been through it with one wife already, he knows this and I don't need to explain it. Having children was a deal breaker for me before my DH and I got married. I'm 35 and he's 40, he knew what he was getting into with marrying me lol. Not that I'm one to ever suggest divorce, but if your husband is unwilling to make this change for you, have you considered donor sperm? Believe me, I want my baby to be with my DH too, but at the end of the day, I just want to be a mother. I would go that route if my DH couldn't give me a child. Maybe he needs to hear things like that to emphasize how important this primal instinct is.
  • DiviyaSalanaDiviyaSalana
    Oh, dear! I understand your concern. Well, yeah! Things work that way! I'm also having an IVF later this August at a centre in Kyiv. So, yeah! They have given us instructions, my DH is an occasional smoker. He has stopped it for like more than 5 months. It was so hard for him, but I helped him out. I think you should remain patient, make him understand. Because following the precautions is very important in these cases! I hope you both find ways around...Best of luck hun! :)) 
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