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i am such a horrible person :'(

My best friend has phoned me this morning from her work to tell me shes pregnant (they weren't trying) and as much as i am very happy for them both I'm sat here in tears and i am so so jealous,whilst i obviously didn't show her how i was feeling as soon as i was off the phone the floods opened,she only phoned as other people know and she didn't want me finding out on FB,she is one of the few who know we've been ttc for nearly 2 years now and i feel she didn't really think about our situation before telling me,not saying i need baby step but feel over the phone from her work a bit inconsiderate

and now here am hating myself for a body that wont give me what i want and hating the way i feel about my friends news :\(


  • Oh hon I'm so sorry. My best friend emailed me on fb to tell me. They had been trying for about 18 months so I know in my head that they really deserve it, it doesn't stop the pain inyour heart and in the pit of your stomach. Perhaps she was too scared to tell you to your face? I know my friend was as she was scared I would cry and take the shine off it for her. I hate that!!

    Hopefully you're close enough to her that she'll know how you are feeling and the pain will lessen for you. Xxx
  • thanks chick its hard to be happy and so sad at the same time eh,being honest i dont thnk she will realise,i understand not wanting to tell me to my face but a 2 min conversation over the phone from her work itsnt the best eh
  • Grudie, you have taken me back to a day about a year a go when my best friend rang me and told me she was pg. They had stopped taking the pill, caught the first month after only doing it once that month. Even though I was happy she didn't have any problems and it worked, I really wish she hadn't told me over the phone in such way, when she too knew my struggles. But then when I did see her, she confessed that she didn't know how to tell me and she knew it had been the wrong way but she wanted it out in the open with me that she just spat it out in a rushed way as she didn't know what to do. Your friend may feel that too. However that didn't take away how I hated my body, I hated myself and I felt such a let down to DH. How you feel is completely normal, and it doesn't make you a horrible person at all. You WILL get that BFP and that day will be the best day of your life, but I know how hard it is at the moment but don't beat yourself up, you are not a horrible person. Sending you a big hug xxx

    [Modified by: RachieS on April 15, 2010 10:44 AM]

  • Oh babe. You poor thing - and you're completely justified in feeling this way! You didn't show your friend how upset you were, which is to me a really god friend. That's what BE is for ... so you can let out your real feelings and have a whinge when you need one. This happened to me this week too... my friend told me back in February that she's just persuaded her OH to start trying, and lo and behold I got the call on Tuesday, they've hit the jackpot on the first month of trying. It's awful when you have to put on your 'happy face' to the world, and it seems like absolutely everyone is getting PG around you. Try not to let it get you down too much .... remember, your friend's BFP doesn't mean there's any less chance of you getting yours. I really hope it happens for you soon. Big hugs xx
  • thank you ladies very much,i knew you would understand,i just wish i could get rid of this horrible feeling,its so hard to be very happy for someone and just so lost and sad within yourself for the same reason

    im sure ina few weeks il be feeling better about it,but i feel its going to be very hard
  • Hi there, G/C but saw this on the home page. I have recently been on the other side of this and just wanted to put over my expereince. I have a friend who has had 3 lots of IVF (currently undergoing the 3rd after 2 m/c) when I found out I was pregnant I was deloghted but my mind very quickly turned to my friend and how I was going to tell her. I honestly lost a lot of sleep over it and went over and over in my head the best way to break the news. I decided that what I absolutely didn't want was her to find out from someone else, or through FB. We didn't tell anyone before our 12 week scan but i knew that as soon as we told family it would be out there and we were going to be on holiday with family at the time and therefore I would have to tell her over the phone. So i decided to tell her first, before i even told my own parents. I met her for lunch, the cafe was busy and there were loads of babies around and everytime i went to say something, I just couldn't. I left feeling absolutely awful and called my husband in tears. There wasn't going to be another opportunity to tell her before we went away. I therefore made the decision to phone her that evening. I explained that I was obviously wanting her to hear it from me and that I totally understood that she would find it upsetting, and that it just didn't seem right to tell her in the cafe, surrounded by mums and babies and admitted that I had chickened out. She was great about it, really excited but when I hung up I was fully aware of how she could be feeling inside. I still find it incredibly difficult now, I feel very careful not to talk about the pregnancy when around her which is of course completely unnatural and difficult when you are in a group of friends who don't know her story. I can't even imagine what she is going through and in many ways feel like a total cow for getting pregnant when she is having such a rubbish time. I expect your firend is very aware and like me just didn;t know how to break the news and is probably uspet now that it didn't work out the way she had planned. xx
  • Hi Grudie,

    I just wanted to put my ten pennies in and say that you are NOT a horrible person, nor are you a bad friend. I have seen you be so supportive and helpful to other ladies on here and I can fully understand that you can only take so much. When you want a pregnancy so badly it hurts when others seem to achieve it so easily. What you're feeling is normal and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. You're doing the best thing by having a good moan on here though - we've all been there and can sympathise with exactly how you're feeling.

    I think its probably likely that I will need some kind of fertility treatment to concieve now as treatment I had for early stage cervical cancer last year has left me with a blocked cervix. My DH and I have been 'trying' since my treatment and find it very hard to watch all our friends around us fall pregnant - especially since its usually in the first few months of trying.

    My brother and his wife who have a very tempestuous relationship have also just announced they are pregnant the first month of trying. My SIL has been very vocal and tactless about how much of a nightmare her morning sickness is and how she's 'not liking baby very much at the moment' seemingly oblivious to the fact that DH and I would be willing to chew our own right arms off to be in her situation!!

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you're always going to get tactless people but the best thing to do is to let that feeling out here where people who understand can support you.

    I apologise if that sounds a bit hippy - drippy, I just meant to say you aren't on your own. We're all here to support you on the bad days, and hopefully we'll be here to share the highs when you get your own good news too!

    Take care hun

    Sarah xx

  • thank you ladies i know what you both mean

    impatient i suppose what i was saying is she didn't take the time to talk to me as she was at work so couldn't talk long

    now im feeling horrible for being pissed at the way she told me but cant help that yep it was insensitive

    sarahbear thank you xx i no what you mean,ive had to face that exact type of person at my work who doesn't know were ttc so not her fault but it really gets to me..even my mum today when i told her about my friend she said well its about tme you had another...i was going to tell her but not over the phone because i no il start crying

    my hubby phoned to ask how i was,it shouldn't be like that should it,not with a friend i should be ecstatic for her..i am some how but cant help but pin point my failure over another month

    all day ive thought i had been dreaming,last years she was saying wouldnt it be great if we fell pregnant together etc share all those times and i suppose its going to be a reminder also
  • Your not horrible grudie, we all love you!!!

  • thanks MrsA and congratulations xx

    everything crossed for your friends also x
  • Grudie,
    You are certainly not a horrible person. When I had just suffered a mc last year 2 of my closest friends phoned me on the same night to tell me their happy news. I kept a pretend smile on my face during the (long and detailed) converstaions (helped by about a bottle of wine) but the minute I hung up from them both, I literally broke down. I was not able to be a real support to them during their pregnancy but realised that they both had PLENTY of people to support them and coo about the baby coming etc. I joined in as far as I could manage but the jealous feeling didn't magically disappear. It got better when the babies arrived tho!

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is, give youself a break, it's ok to feel jealous and angry because it isn't fair. Nothing about ltttc is fair. And you are definitely NOT a horrible person!!!!
  • Hi Grudie, dont post on here very often but everything you've said, i feel. Me and DH have recently had IVF which didnt work (been ttc coming on 3 years) at the same time as IVF my best friend who had been ttc for 3 months was complaining that she was tired and emotional and i just knew she was pregnant and she was, i cried down the phone when she told me whilst apologising and telling her i was really happy for her.

    She's now reasonably far gone and i have struggled all the way through with trying to talk about all her symptoms, the sex (of the baby!!) and the feelings of the baby moving. I feel bad for not being more enthusiastic about this exciting time in her life and we aren't speaking half as much as we used to, maybe because she doesn't know how to talk to me about it? I AM happy for her, but found that she didnt ask how i was during IVF or really talk to me about it and was talking about going to the docs after two months of trying, i suppose all that has left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth but she's still my best mate. Soplease dont feel horrible, you're not, you're normal and its a normal reaction to thishorrid testing time we're all experiencing.
    Hang in there and try to keep positive. Tink.xx
  • Oh Grudie, if you're horrible then we all are too! This is one of the hardest parts of TTC and you are completely normal in the way you feel. My best friend fell pregnant on the first month of trying and knows I have been trying for well over 12 months and she told me by text message! She is 4 months pregnant now and I find myself wanting to avoid her as she constantly talks about her pregnancy, symptoms, names, the birth, scans etc and seems to have forgotten how to talk about 'normal' things like TV, holidays, work etc never mind my struggles with TTC. I feel like lying to her and saying I'm not TTC anymore as it is just too devastating when she says 'It will be you soon' and I feel like she can't begin to sympathise with the heartbreak, the tests etc.
    Anyway hon, just wanted to say you're not horrible, it is a hard situation to be in. Big hugs xxxx
  • Hi Grudie,

    Just wanted to say you are not horrible at all!

    I've been experiencing something similar. I only have 2 female cousins and both a pregnant (1 fell right away). After just about coming to terms with that a good friend and colleague who knows the trouble I've been having fell pg right away and had an abortion in the past. I was chatting to her one day and said I had a rash from using a new perfume and she sai perhaps your pg and gave me a crypic look. I asked if she was and was so pleased for her, Needless to say I drove home from work that night and as soon as I walked in the house I broke my heart. It's not been easy because whilst I don't want her to pussyfoot round me sh's bein quite negative about the whole pg experience and I don't wan to hear it because looking forward to it is my only motivation.

    I know the next few mths with all the arrivals is going to be so tough. Whilst I'm truly happy for them I'm also jealous and think why odes have to be me who struggles- it's like an angel and devil on my shoulder.

    The only way I deal with it is by thinking the more ppl who have already got pg the more chance there is of it being me soon after patiently waiting in the queue.

    Sending you hugs and hoping it gets easier for you xxx
  • Not ever could you be called a horrible person hunny!! Your a lovely person and don't ever doubt that, it's totally understandable to have those feelings!!
    Sorry i dont get on to chat too much these days but I'm always thinking and keeping my fingers crossed for you hun xx
  • Not ever could you be called a horrible person hunny!! Your a lovely person and don't ever doubt that, it's totally understandable to have those feelings!!
    Sorry i dont get on to chat too much these days but I'm always thinking and keeping my fingers crossed for you hun xx
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