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Really struggling right now

I feel so alone and lost right now. I am really fed up with this baby making thing and feel like giving up and just accepting i will never be a mum!

Does anyone else go through these horrible waves of emotions when one day you are okay, the next you are sad, the next verging on suicidle then the next you are excited. I just don't know where i am day to day and im sick of it.

My best friend is expecting and all i get from her is baby talk - which is fine, until she accuses me of not caring about her pregnancy and i don't show interest..... What the hell does she expect me do??? Jump from the ceiling everytime she speaks about it. I do show interest because i am genuinely happy for her, but some days i just want to block out the whole world and forget about babies. It's taking over my life again! PLUS she know's my situation and i feel she should be more sensitive towards me and tell her other friends about how big her bump is or how she feel's. What the hell do i know.... THEN i feel guilty and think, god maybe i am not a good friend to her, but i don't feel like i can be 'that' freind right now when my heart is breaking into a million peices and i all i feel towards myself is anger and i feel like a failure!!!


I need PMA and you girls are the only life line i have right now as i can't talk to anyone about how i feel, not even my husband as he's so laid back and tell's me over and over, it'll happen one day!!!!!

Sorry for the rant girls. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Replies

  • I totally know how you feel, but don't beat yourself up about it, your only human. I think this is the hardest place to be sometimes. I often think I may punch the next person straight in the face who has to tell me that 'I will be next'! LOL
    I think the whole experience is just a cycle of excitement, anticipation and then dissapointment, but even at the bottom, you have to remember that there is still hope and many miracle BFP's out there! (keeps me going) Just got to keep going somehow, easier said than done, but your PMA will return and things will look brighter again soon x
  • Hey Tiny T, I totally agree with the others. we have ALL been there at some point....not that that helps you really, but hon you are not unusal for feeling the way you do. It's perfectly natural. It is a total rollercoaster with ups and (far too many) downs. The hope and anticipation every month, followed by the disappointment is just unbearable at times. I found it helpful to try to remind myself of all the positives in my life.....It didn;t come naturally and I had to get the fab ladies on here to help me along the way (see my other topics for a post a hile back called 'HELP, PMA needed' or something like that if you want to take a look). I agree your friend is being a bit insensitive, and maybe you need to spend more time with other friends for the time-being for your own sanity. She should understand, although I think it can be really hard for those who have been lucky to conceive easily. Take care sweetie and don't lose hope. If you're feeling really low, maybe some counselling would help? That's what I've done. There's no magic answers buit just try to be kind to yourself and do whatever helps you xx
  • Hi ladies, i am over 3 years into trying. Currently on CD 118 after a trial on provera to track ovulation, i didn't ovulate, so have a clomid chat in a few weeks, i am keeping all fingers, toes, arms and legs (even hair LOL) crossed that i get it!!!!!!! I just need something to keep that PMA going! Just had a VERY bad few days but i feel myself coming out that dark feeling as me and hubby are going away for the weekend in a remote scottish cottage, so that will be nice to relax and chat!

    Thanks so much for your support!!!! Don't know what i'd do without you!!!

    xxxx
  • Hey Tiny T, I totally agree with the others. we have ALL been there at some point....not that that helps you really, but hon you are not unusal for feeling the way you do. It's perfectly natural. It is a total rollercoaster with ups and (far too many) downs. The hope and anticipation every month, followed by the disappointment is just unbearable at times. I found it helpful to try to remind myself of all the positives in my life.....It didn;t come naturally and I had to get the fab ladies on here to help me along the way (see my other topics for a post a hile back called 'HELP, PMA needed' or something like that if you want to take a look). I agree your friend is being a bit insensitive, and maybe you need to spend more time with other friends for the time-being for your own sanity. She should understand, although I think it can be really hard for those who have been lucky to conceive easily. Take care sweetie and don't lose hope. If you're feeling really low, maybe some counselling would help? That's what I've done. There's no magic answers buit just try to be kind to yourself and do whatever helps you xx

    Hi Tinybabydancer image Thanks for your kind reply!

    I shouldn't be so insensitive towards her exciting news, i kinda feel terrible for it, but i honestly can't feeling so envious & sensitive everytime she speaks about what's happening! But on the other hand, she tried desperately for 1 year to conceive, so she should know how it feel's, and i remember how upset she was when her other friend fell pregnant!!!

    Never mind, we WILL get there one day!!! I PRAY xxxxxx

  • Oh sweetie. I agree if she had problems herself it is really surprising she is not more sensitive. Do you think you can talk to her about how hard it is for you? Even though you're happy for her, it just makes you sad you're not doing it with her. That's how I always feel anyway. 3 yrs is such a long time sweetie and must be so frustrating with such long cycles. It's not surprising you have down days / weeks / months in that time. But as you say, you WILL get there. It WILL be you one day, and I'm sure you will be much more sensitive towards your friends who are not so lucky. Bug hugs sweetie and ENJOY your cottage, sounds divine!! xxx
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