Forum home Getting pregnant Long term TTC & infertility


HI Girls

Sorry i didnt post yesterday an update but i was too upset, please be warned this may be a long 1!

To put it bluntly my appointment was a total disaster.

It started before i reached the hospital as OH was called back into work on an emergency so couldnt come after all. I then got to the hospital & i was called to be weighed, the nurse informed me that my consultant wasnt there so id have to see a regestrar. Next they told me that they were very behind so suggested i went for a cuppa & they would come & find me as they 7 appointments after mine had been cancelled. I went away & did as they asked returning to the department at 4.15pm,( app was 3.30pm ), and took a seat. I was kept waiting until 5.20pm, the first registrar, who was a man, actually refused to see me as he " wanted to go home" . I was quite upset but then the other registrar agreed to see me.

I was lead into the room & was met by a very heavily pregnant registrar, who was very offhand.
She opened my file didnt even say hello ask me anything & said have you managed to achive a PG since the last appointment? I explained about my recent MC, she was totally unsympathetic.
She then asked has your OH had SA done?
I explained that at my last appointment id told consultant that OH & I were having problems due to TTC stress so felt OH wouldnt want to & my Consultant was great saying looking at my file he thought that our lack of BFP was down to my not OV, so was happy to not test OH until everthing else had been exhusted.
Well then she looked at me and said the most cruel & painful words ive every had to hear

" WELL WE CAN'T TREAT YOU", :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

She said that she wouldnt give me a script as OH hadnt had SA done & it would be pointless unless OH had LIve sperm!
Well at this point i had a total meltdown, i lost my temper whilst sobbing hystericallly. I pointed out that OH must have "live" sperm to get me PG twice in the last 19months.
I never got to ask anything i wanted to as i was so upset, my mom spoke up for me but to no avail.
I managed to sqeak out that at no time had consultant told me OH would have to have SA done before he would treat me, he never gave me forms for OH & it isnt in my notes either.
Of course i was in a total state, i couldnt shout as my flu is actually laringitis & ive all but lost my voice (more on that later), but she actually threated to have me removed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I left the room still crying hysterically & actually went to the loo & vomited.

I went outside the Hospital and rang OH still sobbing & he said he would come & collect me & was very worried. We got home & i told him what had gone on & he was great, he just gave me a huge hug & told me that we would sort it out.

A little later in the evening still very upset, i had to be rushed back up to the hospital as i was having breathing difficulties. I saw the doctor who told me it was Laringitis & a chest infection & gave me antibiotics straight away.

So there you have it girls, ive got to wait until next week until the horrible heartless cow has spoken to my consultant to see what they are going to do or i will have to wait until May to be seen again.

I dont think i can take much more, that appoinment realy was my last hope at atime when hope is in very short supply.

Im very sorry for the long post & hope you are all well . xxxxxxxxxxxx


  • What a total b*tch - I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

    I would seriously think about making an official complaint - there's no reason for you to be treated like that, especially after being kept waiting for so long. First, I'd try to bypass the heartless cow and either phone (if possible) or write a letter to the consultant. Say if you don't get a reasonable response by Christmas you'll take it further and put in a formal complaint to the NHS Trust.

    Take care of yourself, and I hope you at least feel better soon from the laryngitis and chest infection. Big (((hugs))) xx
  • i'm sorry you had to see such a heartless person!
    i don't have any real advice just didn't want to R & R. Can absolutely see why you are so upset. it angers me that doctors play god in this way!
    i hope you are able to get the answers you want sooner then may!
    good luck xxx
  • Thankyou so much IoIsie & LDOM

    I was begining to think it was me being unreasonable. Im thinking of phoneing my consultants secretary& leaving a message for him & explain what happened.

    Oh is going away for a lads weekend tomorrow & i realy wish he wasnt. I just want him to give me lots of TLC but that would be selfish so it might be good for him to get away, im only going to be more depressed anyway.

    The sad thing is AF is late as usuall which id hoped so i could start my clomid when she arrives but now that isnt going to
  • PrincessStar - what a bitch!!! I would definitely try to get hold of your consultant directly, There is just NO need to be spoken to like that especially after you'd been patient waiting and also after being told what you had by the consultant.

    Sorry, I haven't much to add really. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and I'm not surprised that you feel rotten.

  • Oh PS, bug hugs. That has made me so angry reading this - how dare she treat you this way.....what a cow!! I agree with the others, you need to try to speak to your cons. It must be hard to demand these things at the moment though, whilst you're feeling so fragile. I am, however, really pleased you've opened up to OH....maybe he will be able to help now. It's time he was there to supprt you after all you've been through and the way you've tried to protect his feelings. Take good care, wrap up warm, lots of resta dn fluids.... xxx
  • Princessstar, just wanted to say I hope you get things sorted with your consultant. I honestly can't believe that people thing that they can get away with speaking to you like that. I was actually close to tears when I read it, just briefly imagining being in your position.
    I hope you feel much much better soon and have everything crossed for you that it'll all work out right in the end!! xx
  • Hi Girls

    Thanks for your replies.

    Well ive mulled over the situation since Wed & ive decided to contact my consultants secretary today so that he can be given a message when he gets back from leave next week.
    Im still absolutely reeling from the appointment & i know it sounds melodramatic but i actualy feel traumatised!
    I feel like ive been treated in a shockingly bad way & feel like they are playing god with my fertility.
    I understand that they have to follow protocol but surely the fact that I concieved the first time i OV in months must be a good sign that OH has healthy sperm?
    Also as ive now had 3 MC altogether, ( 2 with OH & 1 undocumented 8 years ago), they would have suggested i have tests for recurrent MC? She did say thy had to find the cause of the MCs but never suggested i have any tests, it felt actually like she just wanted to play lip service to my appointment but wanted me to leave so she could go home.

    Ive realy become depressed since then, not helped with being ill either but ive gone downhill completely. Ive been constantly tearful & crying at the drop of a hat.
    Well OH goes away this afternoon for the weekend so ive decided to go & stay with my Mom tonight as i feel i just need the support, then i may go for a few drinks tomorrow night if im feeling up to it.

    Well thats all i have to say at the moment & il let you all know of any developments. Just feeling totaly drained .

    Hope you ladies are having a better time of it, keeping up your PMA & feeling positive!
    Sending you all Babydust. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Oh what a b1tch! I do feel sometimes that consultants and doctors are unsympathetic as they see it so much - it's just another day at the office I suppose, but that's no excuse.

    Even if your OH did need to have his tests she could have been nicer about that. I do think that there will be strict guidelines. One thing I thought of do you think she's thinking that maybe if he doesn't have 'good quality' sperm then that could have been partly to blame for the MC? I'm not justifying her treatment of you, just the reasons behind the protocols that seem to exist.

    Sorry to hear you're ill - I think a drink over the weekend will do you the world of good - I went out with some friends last night and had a few drinks for the first time in ages! I feel a bit rough this morning but on a high as I had such a nice evening. I know staying with your mum will help - that's what mums are best at!

    I hope you get a response for them - explain that you want another appointment and that you were ill and the consultant unhelpful. I would maybe inclined to mention you were extremely upset etc, but not to make too much of a fuss as I have sometimes found that if you're polite, you're more likely to get what you want.

    Good luck with it all and keep us posted with the response.x
  • Hi PrincessStar

    I totally understand how you feel as i experienced this is Sept! I was praying i would get my clomid then but my consultant told me my BMI was a bit high and had to lose weight - i was hysterical in the appointment room also but the heartless cow did nothing but look down her nose at me. I had to wait 3 loooooooong months and i have my clomid chat later today. BMI will still be the same as i got married in Sept and had a 3 week honeymoon and came home to much stress with my family - so no surprises, i haven't lost anything! image My only hope is, i am seeing a nurse and not a consultant, so i hope she is nicer. If all fails i think i will want to put a knife through my heart as i can't bare the pain any longer.

    I think you are definately doing the right thing contacting the consultant - they can't get away treating us like that!

    Good luck sweetie!!!! xxxxxxxxx
  • You poor thing! What a disgrace, that woman sounds absolutely vile and should be struck off. Hope you're feeling a bit better, big hugs xxxxx
  • OMG I am so shocked to read your stories ladies, I find it horrific that they can treat people like this. I just thought I should tell you there is a governing body that oversee patent care in hospital called PALS (they helped us back in October when my Dad was being treated for cancer in a B'ham hospital) Basically they are there to help & mediate between us & them (Doctors, Consultants etc) they were the only ones we could turn to & helped us get our Dad treated properly. I emailed our problem to PALS at midnight on the Sunday & by 8:30am I had had 2 calls back & a meeting arranged for us to sort out the problems. Not sure is this applies to all hospital but it may be worth a look.

    Patient Advice and Liaison Services.

    Hope this helps is some way.

    Thinking of you all.
  • I'm so sorry to hear that Princessstar. They are so abrupt sometimes and just treat people like a set of problems rather than a person. My best friend has just qualified as a gp and it's totally changed her personality. They train them up to be so cold and just look for symptoms. If there's one thing that has shocked me in the whole of TTC its the ay the nhs stick us in a room after waiting for months for an appointment and then it's an a maternity room with lots of pregnant women and an insensitive snooty registrar who tries to somehow blame everything on us. I'm so angry for you.

    I was watching Patch Adams on TV before and sorry for a cheesy quote but he said 'doctors don't help you- other patients do' and I just thought how very true. Hopefully it's made them realise that they can't treat you in that way and has shown them how much you want this. I think you've done the right thing in leaving a message though just to try and smooth things over so they have no excuse xxx
Sign In or Register to comment.