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Things I'd like to say but won't
This is totally pinched from another thread but I thought it was a brilliant idea! I'll start:
To my work colleagues:
Please stop asking if i'm broody. You know I lost a baby, please show some sensitivity. Please stop asking me where I'm going on holiday and then saying "you can't go there if you're pregnant" I'M NOT PREGNANT!
My MIL:
I love you and I know you want us to be happy but please don't look at me with pity. I want to be a mummy more than anything but I am still a worthwhile person even if I can't be.
My Mum
I love you, I know you want this for me so much but please don't refer to my ectopic pregnancy as "my little problem" He was my baby and he was no problem.
My husband
You are amazing, I couldn't ask for a better husband. I am scared I won't be able to give you a baby, I know you will love me the same regardless but I feel so sad that I can't make you a daddy
x x x
To my work colleagues:
Please stop asking if i'm broody. You know I lost a baby, please show some sensitivity. Please stop asking me where I'm going on holiday and then saying "you can't go there if you're pregnant" I'M NOT PREGNANT!
My MIL:
I love you and I know you want us to be happy but please don't look at me with pity. I want to be a mummy more than anything but I am still a worthwhile person even if I can't be.
My Mum
I love you, I know you want this for me so much but please don't refer to my ectopic pregnancy as "my little problem" He was my baby and he was no problem.
My husband
You are amazing, I couldn't ask for a better husband. I am scared I won't be able to give you a baby, I know you will love me the same regardless but I feel so sad that I can't make you a daddy
x x x
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Replies
HJS
ok to 1 of my work collegues.......
No its not just as easy as having sex to get pregnant,yes i would love another child now,ive been trying for fricking ages and i dont need you to rub it in my face or keep telling other people 'we keep telling lisa she should have another' thanks very much
To my pregnant friend (not you C) and hope i dont sound horrible here
yes i am excited for you but please could you have at least a little sensitivity about my situation also since you know our troubles,telling me about a friend who s going to terminate her baby because she slept with someone else and its 'not the right time' for her and her BF to have a child doesnt bo well as a good conversation with me!!!!! & also thinking you can use me more since all your other friends dont have children doesnt cut it also!!!
To myself......stop being so hard on yourself!!!!
To my DS...i love you to bits and even thought mummy wants another baby you'l always be enough for me if it doesnt come true
thanks for the post MP xx your all amazingly strong woman,even if you dont feel it right now xx
Here is what I wish I could say:
To 2 of my pregnant friends who have just had their lo's: Thank you for being so understanding but not treating me like a leper. May you always remember how truly blessed you are in the most wonderful way even when you've had no sleep and are up to your eyes in dirty nappies haha.
To my pregnant colleague: Stop being so F***ing (sorry for the language but it frustrates me so much) selfish and bitter about your pregnancy. You chose to have an abortion previously and whilst I don't hold it against you, you need to realise that your were extremely lucky - probably more so than you sometimes deserve- to have fallen pg again in the blink of an eye. Stop moaning about being pregnant and start thinking of your ds to be. Stop ruining my and my other infertilecolleagues perception of pregnancy. It is our ambition so stop tainting it. I know it's not all roses but if you'd been through half of what we have to get there then you'd realise you are being a selfish cow. Start talking about the baby or him instead of 'I'm tired', 'i'm hungry' I,I,I !
To my mum:
Thank you for wanting me and loving me and being such a good mum to me that I can only wish to emulate your success. I want t give your grandchildren as soon as possible and I know that at times there is so much we wish we could say to each other about what I'm going through but we don't. I know how much it hurts you to see this happening to me and you know how difficult it is. One day when I've got a bfp I will be open and admit to ttc and you will know how long I've been trying for this but til then saving our face keeps me strong.
To my dh:
Please know that I want this for us and not me. I long for the day that that child I see you playing with with our nieces and friend's babies so well will be our child very soon. I am sorry for my mood swings and obsessing but I want you to know that I am doing this all for the right reasons and know it will be worth it. No matter what form of treatments we have or whether it leads to adoption we will have our baby one day. Know that I will love and cherish and do the best job I can posibly can.
To myself: Ovaries sort yourself out. Stop blaming yourself and thinking there is a reason you can't conceive. There isn't and there is no need to punish yourself and think about it every day. Always remember this time and hold it in your heart when it is complimented by the love you will feel there for your baby.
To whoever, whatever or whenever this is controlled by fate, god, karma or whatever:
Please confirm my suspicion that this is going to be my lucky cycle. Go on- I dare you!!! And please don't set me up for any bigger falls or problems. Just good and fertile 'problems' my way please. And if I do get a bean please let me keep it and I promise it will be the most wanted baby ever throughout all my life!
Gosh it feels better to have gotten all that off my chest!
Babydust and strength to you all xxx
I have another one:
To my doctor (who I am about to see in 30 mins!)
Please don't dismiss me, please don't treat me like a crazy lady because I need a plan of action. Please send me for a thyroid test and please refer my to the fertility hospital. It has been a year since ttc, please don't make me wait until a year since my ectopic - it was not viable and does not prove I can get pregnant. Please help me and don't make me beg as I will not be able to stop myself from crying and then you will think i'm ceazy!
To well meaning people
Please stop telling me to relax and it will happen. How do you know? I have been relaxed and it han't happened. It really is a stupid thing to say, please stop!
And breathe! x x
I didn't have to beg, my gp was so wonderful i've posted about her! I've had my bloods done and hubby is waiting for his pot to produce his goods in!
She referred us to the fertility clinic so I phoned to book in on way for bloods and going in a week today- can't quite believe it and actually feel very guilty when I know how long you have waited. It really is a postcode lottery and it isn't fair.
I feel a lot better knowing something is happening and that i've been taken seriously. I don't know anyone in ttc after mc either. I was getting a bit upset at all the bfp's while i'm sat here with nothing.
How are you doing? It's so frustrating just waiting and waiting when you just want to get on with it. Lets keep each other company. We should invent some threads to keep us distracted! x x x
To the mums at my school (i am a teacher) who have had their children removed from them because of neglectful parenting...
Dont you know how lucky you are to be blessed with children. Stop having more, if you cant even take care of one. I would do anything to have a baby and you cant even be bothered to feed, clothe yours properly. Where is the fairness in the parents like you having more and more children when there are so many of us who would give every opportunity to our children. Get some contraception. Grow up and look after your kids properly.
To my hubbie..
I love you very very much but please try to understand why i am sadder and sadder as each month passes. Please understand why i feel happy but also deeply sad when our friends announce pregnancies. I do not think its a race - I just want my own baby to complete our family.
To my sister...
I love you and am so happy for you but please try to be a little more sensitive when talking about cots, prams or showing me your new maternity clothes. You are so lucky that you have never had to experience even one month of disappointment when ttc. Despite this, I can wait to be an auntie.
To my mum,
i know you are so excited to be a grandchild. Wish i was giving you your 1st (it should have been that way). Thank you for being so caring and considerate towards my feelings re ttc.
Dear Mr Stork and mother nature,
please can i have my turn now? I promise to do my best to be the best mum, to love my child(ren) so much and to give them every opportunity. I promise to not moan even when i feel fat/sick/tired. I promise to appreciate every moment and know just how lucky i am. Thank you.
Rant over! xx
[Modified by: samsa on July 14, 2010 04:48 PM]
I am a childcare solicitor and represent the parents who've had their children removed and it is getting very hard and I am finding it increasingly difficult to hidemy feelings.
When I went to the gp and she asked about my diet I laughed. Told her my client was on her 7th baby, all adopted, weighs 6 stone and lives off of 40 fags, 2 litres coke and a bag of chips every other day and all of her pregnancies are one offs!
It really is luck of the drawer and the only positiove is that she has made children for some very lovely people who now have her childrne with them. Still very frustrating!x
To my friend and neighbour (who has IVF twins after 18 months of unexplained infertility):
Thanks for your interest and support in my situation, but please try to remember that you were in my place fairly recently, and it's not appropriate for you to start every sentence with 'when you're a mummy, you'll understand' - it's so hurtful. I know you have been through the mill yourself with clomid and IVF etc, but please don't assume it is going to happen as 'easily' for me as it did for you. Only 30% of IVF cycles are successful, and you have had the golden outcome with a twin of each gender. You are so incredibly lucky - don't take it for granted!
To my husband:
Thanks for wiping away my tears every month when my period arrives, and for all the support you gave me last year when we were going through the mill with my cancer diagnosis and treatment. I can't do this without you. I know it's hard, but you have to be a safe pair of hands when I feel like i'm losing it. Marrying you was the best thing I ever did.
To my dad:
Please don't keep telling me that 'it'll be alright,' it might not be. I know a Dad's role is to protect and comfort, but I need you to accept that sometimes there is no pot of gold under the rainbow. This might be a long journey and may not end the way we all want it to.
To anyone who tells me 'you're still young,' 'just relax and it'll happen,' etc:
I might only be 26 but I have been through more cr*p last year than many people get in a lifetime. After I got my remission last year my oncologist asked me if I wanted children. I told him we were about to start trying when I was diagnosed. His message - GET ON WITH IT!
I have been trying to get pregnant since last August and have the added complication that I have only a bit of cervix left and have had 6 hours of pelvic surgery (god knows what all that rummaging has done?) I also have polycystic ovaries. Now can you understand why I can't 'just relax'?
To anyone we know who feels it's o.k. to ask why I haven't made DH a Daddy yet:
No, it's not o.k. to ask. One look at us both should tell you that. Not everyone has the 'luxury' of scheduling in their pregnancies like they are booking a holiday (hmmm... think it would be nice to have the baby in Spring this time). We're trying and we don't need any more pressure, even if it is 'well meaning.'
Wow..... that felt great!!!!
Sxx
Sarah x
I am amazed by how quickly people forget. My friend's SIL had a mc not long ago and was ovulating really infrequently. Sh e fell pregnant again and is now 20 week and disappointed that she's having a girl. I just can't believe it!!!
My dad has also done the "it'll be alright! speech which was more welcome than the "why are you upset" when my sister announced her pregnancy 2 months after I lost my baby!
I am so lucky to have found you ladies, it is so hard to appreciate how difficult this is if you haven't experienced it yourself.
Rocky, we can definitely be FAQ buddies, I will let you know everything that happens!! Keep phoning until they get so annoyed they just do it!
Sarah what happened at your appointment? Have they told you what your next steps are?
I've just had a call in fro angel GP - my thyroid test and hormone test have come back as normal so at least we have a bit of pregess. I am guessing hubby needs to sort out his sample and maybe me have 21 day bloods? No idea! x x
I;m new on here and just read through this thread and spent most of it trying not to cry infront of my 11 yr old brother-in-law!
We've been TTC for 18months, with only a M/C at 10w to show for it. I'm getting so emotional that I just want to shout "I want a baby so much"! at every person I see. But I don't want people to know we are struggling, as I don't want their pity.
My sisters have 7 children and no problems between them (one sister even got pregnant while using condoms and taking the morning after pill!). I would very much like her to stop offering to have a baby for me if I ever need it.
We're also awaiting referral to Gynae, but I'm not sure I want to know what the answers will be.
Good Luck to all who just want to meet that little person they have been dreaming about all these years xx
i would say:
to my collegues:
yes I KNOW your pregnant, do not keep asking me if your bump looks big or not,how about just not showing me your bump?? its extremely sensitive subject for me so bloody p*** off (sorry two are pregnant and believe it or not one had fertility problems too) i know we work in a nursery but id like to get on with my work without having ur bumps thrust upon me.
to my mum:
i know how badly you want a grandchild and im truly working on it. but PLEASE stop telling me your calling it alfie !!! i don't know what itll be called.and stop keep looking atm y stomach every time you see me , its purely FAT not a baby!!!
my husband:
i love you very very much, i want to give you a child and even tho i know you blame yourself for our struggles, i wouldn't want to go through this challenge with any one else. if having a child with you means, conquering my worse phobia (needles) then id do it just for you. my love is uncondional (just ignore the rants when injected, drug induced and damn right hormonal times)
thnk you xxx stacey xx
I think having problems make you so in tune and empathetic to others struggling to conceive (see my post on crying!)
WM I am so with you on the pity issue. My MIL, as much as I love her, looks at me at times like a dog that should be put down! I know she doesn't mean to but it's the look of pity and I hate it. I don't want or need pity.
As my mum keeps telling me "but we're all fertile" oh thanks, I'm just the freak who isn't! As I reminded her infertile people had to come from somewhere!
Mrs E, my colleagues (well 2 very mean ones) had a sweepstake of when I'd be pregnant. They always have a good look at my tummy which always does wonders for the self confidence. I feel like saying to the one "yes I've put on a few pounds but you're still 4 times the size of me, what have you got growing inside you love!"
x x
Ladies, how are you all so strong?
To my Pregnant cousin:
I'm soo happy for you! But you have been my "agony aunt" through 2 years of ttc. Please be a little more sensitive. You know il get emotional when we go baby stuff shopping, but its nice to be invited! When I see you I want to feel her kicking and see you glowing, but dont look at me a feel sorry for me.
To my mum & dad:
Please dont be angry if I cant give you a granchild. And when you give me that look and say "Oh! You've gained weight!! Are you?" No! I'm not!!! If I am, I will tell you!!
To My MIL:
Stop being Off-ish with me because I havnt given you're little soldier a child. I am trying! We both are! And we are only trying for us!! Not you, not anyone else!!!
To my husband:
Thank you! For just being you. You are understanding and calm and you know all the right things to say. I love you and I wish life was easier.
That feels better...
I hope everyones dreamss come true
x x