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No good news
Hello ladies, haven't been on here for a while and I don't see myself coming on here much in the next little while, so I just wanted to thank everyone again for all the support.
To summarise, having found out that hubby's SA was disastrous on all levels, we have now found out that I have very low ovarian reserve - my FSH and oestradiol are high, and my AMH is low, all indicating low fertility. I'm currently waiting for a call back from the clinic to let me know whether they're even willing to go ahead with an attempt at ICSI - if we do go ahead, I'll be on the highest possible dose of the drugs and even so, our chances of success are very much reduced.
Over the months that I've been TTC, I've had some fantastic support and 'met' some wonderful people, but at the moment I just can't do the whole PMA thing, so I'm slinking off to be miserable and negative somewhere else for a while. I'm totally preoccupied with what's going on with us at the moment, and have started a very self-indulgent little blog with a current readership of two to vent my frustrations and track my non-existent progress. I think it's better that way, as I don't want to suck the PMA out of the rest of you...
Good luck to all of you still TTC, and I hope all your dreams come true.
To summarise, having found out that hubby's SA was disastrous on all levels, we have now found out that I have very low ovarian reserve - my FSH and oestradiol are high, and my AMH is low, all indicating low fertility. I'm currently waiting for a call back from the clinic to let me know whether they're even willing to go ahead with an attempt at ICSI - if we do go ahead, I'll be on the highest possible dose of the drugs and even so, our chances of success are very much reduced.
Over the months that I've been TTC, I've had some fantastic support and 'met' some wonderful people, but at the moment I just can't do the whole PMA thing, so I'm slinking off to be miserable and negative somewhere else for a while. I'm totally preoccupied with what's going on with us at the moment, and have started a very self-indulgent little blog with a current readership of two to vent my frustrations and track my non-existent progress. I think it's better that way, as I don't want to suck the PMA out of the rest of you...
Good luck to all of you still TTC, and I hope all your dreams come true.
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Replies
I am so sorry things have been so bad for you recently. I want to send you a huge hug....
Completely understandable that you want to leave us for a while, and I am pleased you have something to release your frustration with regard to the blog. Everyone needs a release and a blog sounds a great way to let it all out.
I know I can't say anything to help, but I just want to send you a huge hug and lots of love,
xxxxx
Big hugs hun xxxx
We'll still be around when you want to come back - take care x x
I wanted to thank you for all the advice and support you have offered to me, even before I was posting on here I learnt a lot from you and have always admired how courageous you are. I really do hope you come back on here some day to let us know your 'good news'. Take good care of yourself and you hubbie. If you ever do need to vent on here, then please come back...it's not all about PMA and I think we can all relate to that feeling when there's just no PMA left. Big big HUGS hon xxx
I'm so sorry to hear you've not had good news. Just a little note that might give you a lift though - I have high FSH (and although I've never seen the results I suspect my AMH results aren't good either). I was put on a walloping amount of IVF drugs to get everything kick started (8 ampules of Menopur a night - I've searched on Google and that is looooads!!). I managed to muster 6 eggs and although only 2 fertilised they were really good quality. We too might have ICSI next time because although all of my HBs SAs have come back fine, to quote the nurse 'the sperm and eggs didn't seem to know what to do with each other when they met'!! Anyway my point is that although ICSI isn't how you would want to have your baby, it really, really can work (not for us yet but that wasn't down to the FSH / AMH and I have huge PMA now that we know we can actually make an embyo or two!). Just a suggestion (and I know I shouldn't really mention another forum on this lovely one!) but have you tried Fertility Friends too? I will never leave here because it's like a little family, but the forums on FF are full of people going through exactly what we are, with some really positive success stories to look at. Also, if your clinic won't treat you there are plenty of private clinics that will - doesn't matter what your FSH and AMH levels are.
Anyway, we're always here if you need us and please do PM me if you need to - sounds as if we're in a very similar boat.
xxx
We are always here if you need to chat xx
I am so sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I just wanted to empathise - i don't post so much anymore as I don't have all that much PMA anymore at times. Like you, I was told I have low AMH and DH's SA wasn't great. It is very hard isn't it. Hugs xx
If not no worries, i know its such a personal thing.
Good luck
Gem xxx
Sorry to hear you are going to back away from BE for a while, but understand completely. We will miss you, and you are always, always welcome to drop back in for a chat over virtual tea and biscuits. PMA is *not* compulsory... what I love about the LTTTC board is that everyone's attitude ebbs and flows and when some of us stumble, there are others to pick us up, dust us down and help give that sense of perspective about it all.
I so hope you get the BFP you deserve LDOM. You have been lovely to others on this board and your outlook has always been one of courage and determination.
Take good care of youself.
Daisy Girl, your post really gave me hope - thank you so much. I really really hope your next cycle is successful. I have been lurking on Fertility Friends, but haven't posted much.
Gem78, my blog is http://movingontothenextplan.blogspot.com/. I have no problems with people reading it - after all, I've put it out there on the internet - but it is a bit negative at times, as I'm really using to vent about everything that's going on.
Thanks again ladies - you're all amazing xxx
Sometime I think you need to vent, I started my own blog (not on line) but just so I could vent my negative feelings, it usually made me feel better, but i didnt want any one to read it becasue it was my personal thoughts.
I hope it is helping and im glad you are feeling a little more positive about things today.
As others have said dont be a stranger if you need to chat, people are here for you weather you are on a high or a low. Sometimes hearing other perspectives can be a massive kick up the bum we need hehe
XX ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))
Just wanted to say that I am sorry to hear your news but really pleased that your consultant says you can go ahead with ICSI. I also wanted to say that I know how you feel about the lack of PMA. I took quite a long break from BE and have only just been back, but like someone else posted, it isn't a requirement on here. I think the LTTTC board is so great because if we're not all in the same place then the likelihood is we might end up there so it's very informative to read others stories. I am yet to start on metformin but I already feel very informed about the 'next step' on the journey if that doesn't work out and that is all thanks to the ladies on BE.
I will have a read of your blog if that's ok as I too can feel very down about the whole thing and have started trying to imagine my life without children just in case it doesn't happen for us. I would love to adopt if that was the case but we will just have to wait and see. So we can share in your negative venting just as much as your positive feelings.
I really wish you all the best for your next step and want to say how much I admire your strength. I know I will too do whatever is possible but at times I just feel like giving up on this journey and people like yourself and Daisy Girl in particular keep me moving because I can see what the next step is and you are both strong enough to be taking it.
All the best for the future and I would love to hear back from you whenever you are ready. I am sure all the other lovely ladies would too.
S xx
Firstly id like to judt send you a (((((((((((((HUGE HUG!)))))))))))
Im sorry things didnt go so well but am realy pleased that you are able to go ahead with your ICSI!
Hun i understand well how this TTC lark can just get too much at times & no amount of talk can make you feel positive!
Ive had a rotten week myself, OH ended our relationship,( although thank the lord he agreed to try again), had bad news at gynie & then just to round it off my friend let me down about our weekend away!,( woz going for a much needed girlie weekend sat!).
I will be keeping everything crossed for you hun that the ICSI works & you fulfill your dreams.
If you need a break from BE then take the time you need, we will be here for you when you come back.
(((((((((((((((((((((BABY DUST))))))))))))))))))))))
The chord that struck with me was about IVF and your faith. I don't mean to upset anyone on here but I have always felt that if God didn't want me to have children then I wouldn't as I too have been brought up in an extended Catholic family on my Dad's side although I am a practising Anglican due to my Mum. After being diagnosed with PCOS, although we have no idea what will happen with metformin and clomid, the doctor mentioned IVF as a possible next step. I immediately shut down and said I was not even contemplating it which is why I have started to try and imagine my life without children of my own. This is why your post made me tearful. Because you have the strength and courage to say that you want a child no matter what and I really drew inspiration from your struggle because I feel I will be in the same position perhaps soon. I am starting to open my mind to the possibility and to reconcile my faith to the fact that this struggle with infertility is not a punishment from God.
I loved your blog about other people's children too. I find it very easy to have children in my life but not so easy to have their parents. Pregnant women at the moment are the most difficult which is very hard as my sister is due in 2 weeks and my other sister had a baby in December last year so I have seen them both fall pg whilst I have been trying. But I want to see my nieces and nephews and I want to love all the children in my life as much as I can because sometimes I do feel that may be as close as I get.
Thank you so much for sharing and I will keep reading your blog as it has really moved me this morning. The best of your luck with the rest of your journey and thank you for helping to smooth the way for others like me by showing me what lies ahead.
S xx
That's fantastic news you can go ahead with ICSI.
When I had my scan/egg reserve checked this morning they found 9 follicles in total which sounded low side of avaerage but as she said it only takes one quality embryo.
We also found out today that my hubby's SA has gone from no sperm to a few motile sperm to a noticeable improvement on motility and numbers. OK so it won't happen naturally but they've got some sperm all ready frozen on stand by. They thawed one strip today and spermies survived!!
Hubby's been on zinc and selenium for 5 months but the big difference came after 2 sessions of accupuncture and taking Wu Zi Yan Zong Wan.
Also we were expecting a problem with his karyotype but that came back as normal. Our fertility clinic "doesn't feel the Y chromosome deletion tests our sufficiently developed to incorporate into our routine testing programme"
Sorry waffling on about me and hubby, just want to say what might seem absolutely hopeless can become dramatically more positive.
Good luck
xxxx