After diagnosed infertility and reaching the end of our TTC journey - getting my hopes up again
Hi all
If you read this long post then thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know nobody knows me on here but I'm feeling emotional this evening.
I haven't posted on here in years. We stopped our TTC journey over a year ago after I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility and following failed attempts at TTC with clomid. We had been trying for many many years (hardcore TTC for around 3 years). So after being signed off work with depression (I'm only just back to working 3 days a week on a phased return), seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist for over a year I find myself for the past couple of weeks to be symptom spotting again. Because I just had a funny feeling.... I don't know why. I don't know what started it to be honest because I feel at 43, 5 years after I first made this account, I should be done. And I was done. But the past couple of weeks I've felt sick, really queasy and had cramps along my tummy, breasts aching, back ache.... I got my hopes up that maybe my broken body was having one last hurrah/attempt.
I woke this morning with the dread AF cramps. I have a short cycle now. I used to be 28 days but now I'm 25. I know this because I still track AF if nothing else. I worked out when DH and I last did 'the deed' and from what I could tell from my cycle it did line up right before my fertile window (although I honestly stopped checking CM a couple of years back but I know I had some EWCM a few days later). So back to the cramps from this morning. They were no doubt AF cramps and as I'm like clockwork in that department I knew that as soon as I went to the bathroom AF would be there and be heavy. She's usually heavy for 2 days before it tails off. But there was nothing. So about 2 hours later I started to bleed a little. I told myself I was silly to even think it was anything else and I put a sanitary pad on. I went to change it later and nothing. Just some brown marks. It's now hours later and the cramps are still there, I'm feeling sick but no blood. I know my body well and it never does this. I feel like a fool for even thinking it could be a possibility and I came on here just to write it down and distract myself because I'm checking every 30 minutes. I'm welling up typing this because I know AF will be here in the morning and that this is just a false start but there is a little part of me that is, after all this time, still hoping.
If you read this long post then thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know nobody knows me on here but I'm feeling emotional this evening.
I haven't posted on here in years. We stopped our TTC journey over a year ago after I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility and following failed attempts at TTC with clomid. We had been trying for many many years (hardcore TTC for around 3 years). So after being signed off work with depression (I'm only just back to working 3 days a week on a phased return), seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist for over a year I find myself for the past couple of weeks to be symptom spotting again. Because I just had a funny feeling.... I don't know why. I don't know what started it to be honest because I feel at 43, 5 years after I first made this account, I should be done. And I was done. But the past couple of weeks I've felt sick, really queasy and had cramps along my tummy, breasts aching, back ache.... I got my hopes up that maybe my broken body was having one last hurrah/attempt.
I woke this morning with the dread AF cramps. I have a short cycle now. I used to be 28 days but now I'm 25. I know this because I still track AF if nothing else. I worked out when DH and I last did 'the deed' and from what I could tell from my cycle it did line up right before my fertile window (although I honestly stopped checking CM a couple of years back but I know I had some EWCM a few days later). So back to the cramps from this morning. They were no doubt AF cramps and as I'm like clockwork in that department I knew that as soon as I went to the bathroom AF would be there and be heavy. She's usually heavy for 2 days before it tails off. But there was nothing. So about 2 hours later I started to bleed a little. I told myself I was silly to even think it was anything else and I put a sanitary pad on. I went to change it later and nothing. Just some brown marks. It's now hours later and the cramps are still there, I'm feeling sick but no blood. I know my body well and it never does this. I feel like a fool for even thinking it could be a possibility and I came on here just to write it down and distract myself because I'm checking every 30 minutes. I'm welling up typing this because I know AF will be here in the morning and that this is just a false start but there is a little part of me that is, after all this time, still hoping.
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