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I am afraid after 12 weeks I am back here

Well it has possibly been the hardest few days of my life discovering that the baby inside me had died. After nearly a week of spotting mainly brown discharge, doctors reassuring me that my cervix was closed I finally found out what I knew had happened in the back of my head and I am absolutely devastated, and can't quite believe that this has happened to me.

On the way to the hospital monday morningI was suddenly overcome with cramps and I knew it was the worse. Ran to the loo once we arrived to discover that I had started bleeding properly. Up on the ward I was allocated a bed as they could see I was in alot of pain. After nearly two hours of waiting we finally got our scan which I could tell from the corner of my eye was not right. The baby was too small and there was no heartbeat. In fact the baby had died at 8 weeks 4 days (around Christmas). I was led to a room in tears to discuss my options and have decided to have a D and C which was being performed Tuesday I then had to wait 4 hours to see a doctor and fill in all the forms for the op to be done. Including a form discussing my options for what to do with the remains (extremely distressing). The op went well and I am now home, feeling more positive about the future

I just cant imagine what the next 6 months are going to be like thinking about how far gone I should be etc. To make matters worse a very close colleague and friend at work is just 1 week behind me so i will have a constant reminder of what I have lost until Aug. Trying to remain hopeful and look to the future but it is very difficult. It took hubby and I 13 months to concieve this baby after being told it would properly never happen naturally. One thing I have learnt from this experience is how special it is to be pregnant and I would not tell anyone again until I was 12 weeks. Telling friends and family has been soul destroying.

When to people start feeling more positive and start trying again?? I am desperate to get pg again but feel like my life has been torn apart. Just want someone to wave their magic wand!




  • Oh honey, reading this has brought tears to my eyes. I am so terribly sorry for what you have had to go through and I simply cannot imagine how you must be feeling. No words I say are going to help, but know that all my thoughts, hugs and wishes are with you. I hope there will be some lovely ladies on here who can help you with your question about trying again.

    Big hugs sweetheart xxx
  • Oh Sandra, I feel so selfish for having just posted about my problems, they're so insignificant compared to what you've been through.

    I am so so sorry to hear of your mc, the same as Angelfish I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I hope you can start again soon but please take the time to grieve properly first, and make sure you look after yourself.


  • I can only echo what twinklestar said, im so very sorry Sandra. I cant even begin to imagine what you must be going through. So so sorry for your sad news.

    Take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • so sorry to hear your news. my thoughts are with you.

    best wishes xx
  • so sorry to hear your news. my thoughts are with you.

    best wishes xx
  • Hi Sandra,
    I am so sorry to read this post. It's a double blow having a mc after trying so hard for so long to get that BFP.

    I identified with everything you described and it brought back memories of my own mc at 9 weeks in Feb. I can honestly say that it is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, not physically, but emotionally. No-one can understand the pain of losing a much wanted baby until they've been through it. Like you, I am not going to tell anyone til 12 weeks next time either - it's too painful.

    As far as trying again and feeling positive goes, well I think it's different for everyone. I personally took a long time to heal emotionally. I didn't realise it at the time, I thought I was fine but looking back I was in bits. I can promise that you will gradually begin to have days when you don't cry, and you will get through the next 6 months til your EDD. It definitely gets a lot easier after that date has passed but it won't take that long at all before you start to feel a LOT better than you do now.

    I had the exact same problem at work with a girl who was 2 weeks ahead of me. \Her baby is now 5 months old and it's a constant reminder but I promise that you will come to terms with it and find a way to cope.

    Be really nice to yourself, feel free to cry and chat and talk to the girls here and on the ttc after mc/ectopic board as they will understand.

    And finally take a big (((((((((((hug))))))))))))) - I'm thinking of you
  • So sweetheart, I am so very sorry.
    No words can take this pain away from you but I am thinking of you and sending you a huge hug.
  • I'm so sorry to read this, life can be so cruel sometimes.

    Take care of yourself, thinking of you xxxxx
  • I am so so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how you must be feeling.

    I wanted to reply, not because I have been through this but my best friend has. It happened twice to her two consecutive pregnancies and at the time she was devastated, as she always knew conceiving would be very hard for them due to hormonal issues.

    Nearly 2 years later, she now has a gorgeous little boy who's 15 months and is also now pregnant again, after only one period in the past 15 months!!!

    I just wanted to let you know that there is hope and if I've learnt anything from all this, no matter what the odds, anything is possible.....

    Thinking of you, hugs and positive vibes

  • Thanks you lot feeling more positive today and hope that 2010 improves with more good news not too far off! Just want my body to calm down so we can start ttc again as soon as possible. Babyhope I love hearing stories of people who have gone on to get pg and had healthy babies. MrsDao I hope I can be as strong as you with my friend. Actually popping into work tomorrow in the hope it will help me to return to normality. Thanks again for your support!
  • Muffin I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. I am pleased that you are feeling quite positive and I hope with all my heart you recover quickly and have the sticky bean you deserve soon X X
  • Hi Muffin,

    I am so sorry to read your post. I recently suffered a MC in October and can identify with you completely. Many of your comments could have been writing them not you.

    We were advised to wait at least 1-2 months before trying. My first AF after the mc bleed was horrendous - I didn't think I could bleed anymore (tmi) my second AF was lighter than normal and this month we are going for the jackpot bigtime!!

    I would suggest going with the flow chick and just see how you feel. Your emotions will be all over the shop and you need to digest what has happened and look forward to the future. Our sticky BFP's will come ..we have to believe that! Chin up

    ABP xx

  • Oh Sandra I'm so so sorry.
  • Thanks you guys! Emotions all over the place. Went into work today and had a lovely morning with my year 11s who mobbed me with hugs when I walked in. Came home at lunch and now feel completely lost. Trying ot convince hubby we should go away for the weekend but he thinks we should stay in! Want my emotions to sort themselves out as I am not a ver patient woman.
  • Oh sweetheart (sorry I replied on your thread in ttc after mc & missed this one)

    It's normal for you to feel all over the place hun with so many different emotions. I promise you with time it does get easier & the good days will out weigh the hard ones.

    Sending you lots of hugs sweetie xxx
  • Hi Muffin,

    Your post has brought tears to my eyes, bless you. Big big hugs and hoping that 2010 brings us our much deserved babies xxxx
  • I am so sorry xxx Sending you a big hug. As for when, it is going to be a slow and painful journey, technically you can start again when you have stopped bleeding, they will probably advise you to wait until at least your first AF. It will take time it does get easier although it never goes away. For now make sure you take the time to grieve xxx sending you hugs xxx
  • hello muffin,
    i am so sad to hear this, i hope that you will be able to (in time) come to terms with your loss although i know it will be hard, thinking of you. Hopefully the rest of the year works out better for you than the start has. wishing you the pitter patter of tiny feet this year...lots of love hunny.xx
  • Muffin

    I am so desperately sorry to read your news, and you must be devastated. Miscarriage is so, so cruel.

    Has your hospital offered you (and Mr Muffin?) any counselling? Sometimes even a single session with a professional can really help.

    Nothing I can say can make you feel better, but I hope you and your other half can lean on each other to get through this.

    I fully understand what you say about feeling impatient to get on with things. But please don't be too hard on yourself if you wobble and have off moments - you have been through a massive shock.

    Wishing you all the best.
  • Oh Sandra, I am so very sorry to read your news. I really don't know what to say, nothing can be of comfort at a time like this. I fear I may be joining you back here too and am also terrified of how I'd cope over the next 6 months. We're all here for you sweetie xxx
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