Missed Miscarriage - help

Makka_Pakka2 · Nov 20, 2007 12:09PM

Hi there. I was due to have my 12 week scan in a few days time but on Thursday I had some blood in the middle of the night. I went to hospital and they scanned me the next day. I've had a missed miscarriage. Basically the baby died a long time ago but there's a growing embryo sac inside me and my body has gone on thinking its pregnant. I either have to wait for a natural miscarriage now or I can go in for sugery to remove what's left. I need another scan this week to be sure that nothing is going to grow inside the pregnancy sac. I don't really know whether I'm coming or going at the moment. I'm absolutely devasted as this was my first pregnancy and I've wanted children for ages. I'm a healthy person and I did all the right things and this just doesn't seem fair. I thought everything was going so well. I'm worried that there may be more problems in the future because I'm getting older all the time. I've just turned 31. It's also desperately cruel having to wait to miscarry as there's no closure or resolution to the situation at the moment. Has anyone else been through this? I would prefer to have the surgery I think as I want this over with now - has anyone else had an ERPC (also known as D&V)? Jo x

blueybluey · Apr 22, 2007 4:07AM

Ive never been through this, but am really sorry for you, cant imagine how difficult it must be. Can understand why you want it over with too. Thinking of you xxx

ali75 · Apr 22, 2007 4:42AM

So sorry Jo, we went through the same in Jan. I think I found / am still findinding it hard to deal with as it was nothing like I thought a miscarriage would be. Wish there was something to say to make it easier but unfortunately there does not seem to be any words to make it better. Take it easy and rember it takes time to get over. Think I suffered for thinking I could get over it quicker than I could...

Look after yourself, lots of hugs

Ali

anitarose · Apr 22, 2007 4:45AM

i had m/c in jan the reason they give you another scan a week later is to check that there is definately nothing there because a few women on here have gone on to have healthy babies after being told there is nothing there i hope you will be feeling better soon love anita x x x

starfly · Apr 22, 2007 6:49AM

Jo, I'm so sorry hun, there is nothing any of us can say right now except that we are all here for a chat or a rant whenever you need to. It is horribly cruel and it can happen to anyone, even if you are doing everything right - I was taking all my folic acid and prenatals being healthy but it was not to be, I was so angry! Please don't worry about your age hun, you have plenty of time, i was 30 when i lost my first and am now a proud mummy to a 5 month old little girl, Chloe and my 32nd birthday is just around the corner. I know it seems horribly cruel waiting to miscarry but they try and let this happen naturally as it is best for your body with regards to future pregnancies, however I had to have an ERPC after I lost my baby as I retained some of the placenta. They basically put you under general and remove anything left behind, I think the op takes about 10-15 minutes. So sorry again hun, just remember we are all here for a chat. Lots of love Sarah xxx

Makka_Pakka2 · Apr 22, 2007 3:08PM

Thanks so much for your replies Sarah / Anita / Ali and Bluey. It really means a lot. I've had a bit of a crap day really. I'm feeling worse about things rather than better. I know it's only been two days since the bad news. I've also been having a go at my husband. I wanted to start a family a couple of years ago but he wasn't ready so we waited. I can't help but think if we'd started trying in my late twenties rather than now (I turned 31 this week) it might not have happened. I know this is really destructive and unhelpful but I can't help feeling angry at times. He's been so supportive and he's really upset about this too but I've had moments when I just can't be nice to him today and I want to blame him. I'm starting to get mild stomach cramps again now. I don't know whether I want to mc now which will be traumatic or hope that I can hold out for the op. I've managed to get a hospital appointment tomorrow for another scan. This is all so unbelievably hard

Suzaie2 · Apr 22, 2007 4:06PM

Hi, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss, but I know those words wont be making you feel much better at the moment. To be honest I don't think your age has alot to do with things. I too have had a m/c and gone onto have a little boy who is 5 months old now. If you have questions you need answered try to make a list to take with you to the scan, hopefully your hospital can answer at least some of them. As the other girls have said we are always here when you feel ready to chat or rant. My thoughts are with you, lots of love.x

Makka_Pakka2 · Apr 23, 2007 12:14PM

Thanks guys. I have my ERPC tomorrow or Wednesday. Looking forward to some closure now. J x

emmacoffey · Apr 23, 2007 4:20PM

hi jo just thought id pop on to let you know that i too had a missed m/c in jan and i opted for the d an c i also found out at the 12 week scan but the baby had died at 7 weeks but i sort of new deep down there was somet wrong i had no blood so it was still a big shock and the worst feeling i have ever had but the d an c did give me closure but it does seem so unfair doesnt it there is nothing i can say that will make u feel beta coz ive been there and it will take a long time to heal but dont give up and try and think it must have been for the best coz there was obviously somet going wrong with the pregnancy hope my comments help a little and if u eva need to chat or rant then pop on there is always someone who will give u support take care luv em xx

alison22 · Apr 23, 2007 5:43PM

hiya jo love i know excatly wot your goin through it happened 2 me at end of december i went 4 my 12wk scan and was told then that i was havin a missed miscarriage i never bled or anything still had morning sickness and wa big i had a d+c done middle of january 2 days before my birthday. im sorry to hear wots happened and u hav come 2 the right place if u ever need to talk 2 sum 1 im sorry its in these circumstances though much sympathy to u darl love babylove22. X

Makka_Pakka2 · Apr 24, 2007 5:44AM

Hi all. Thanks again for your lovely messages. Any news Jane? How you doing? I've just heard from the hospital that it won't be today and they're still trying to confirm with the consultant that they'll be able to do it tomorrow. It's really irritating that they can't give me a definite time and date. I just want it over with now. We're supposed to be going on holiday on Sunday to Barbados with friends and I really need to get the ERPC done soon. I know the holiday should be the last thing on my mind but it's probably just what my husband and I need at the moment. Becky - thanks for the tips on the balloons and the forget me not. Maybe I'll do something similar on holiday on the beach. I've ordered a book from Amazon on coping with miscarriages. It has a chapter on coping with pregnant friends which will be useful for me as one of my best friends is pregnant at the moment and I can't bear to see her at the moment. She understands though. Anyone, speak soon guys. J x

evans · Apr 24, 2007 5:45AM

Hi jo, its lisa (evans). Im so sorry to hear about your loss.
I do hope everything works out for you soon.
Thinking of you mate.x

becs73 · Apr 24, 2007 7:15AM

hi sorry your having to wait for it all to be over. your holiday will do you the world of good. My friend is also pregnant she goes for her 12 wk scan tomorrow. i made effort to see her on saturday, it was hard for me but want everything to go well for her. she found it hard also as im sure she is now worried about herself. hope you get it all over with tomorrow, then just take it easy.
becs x

kayleighparker · Apr 24, 2007 7:35AM

hi my names kayleigh im 21, ive had 2 missed miscarrages 1 when i was 12 weeks and 1 when i was 16 weeks. I really understsnd what you are going through. I felt like my world was ended the first time and it took me a long time to get over it. I waited nearly 3 years before i felt ready to try again. I had a scan at 8 weeks with the second one and all was well until my 16 week appointment to have the babys heart listerned to. There was no heart beat and although i had gone on to 16 weeks my baby had died at 8 weeks 3 days, 3 days after my scan. both times i went into hospital to have a D&C in theatre. I really felt like a failure and although your 31 and im only 21 i really really understand your feelings. I am also so scared of it happening again but i have a few friends and family that have had 2-3 miscarrages and have gone on to have very bubbly babies. I pray evry night that I will have a successful pregnancy next time and will pray for you too!
write back if you need any info on what having a D&C is like
love kayleigh

emmacoffey · Apr 24, 2007 8:39AM

kayleigh i just needed to leave a post for u hun ur story is heartbraking and u r only young i think u r very brave to deal with two traumatic m/cs i dread it happening to me again coz ive had 1 missed m/c i really do hope i dont have anova can i just ask is it any easier to cope with second time round (please be honest) coz this is what scares me at the mo as we are ttc and i dont know how i would cope if it happened again.........im wondering if there are any similarities with us girls who ve had a missed m/c ie do u suffer with stress or do u have a cat this may seem an odd question but i am constantly looking at ways to prevent it happening again so any feedback wud be greatly appreciated lots of luv to u all em xx

laurenfaith · Apr 24, 2007 5:22PM

hi im 22 ,i have had 2 missed miscarrages where baby has died almost straight away fisrtime i found out at 12 week scan i was devistated just wish now i had booked in for a d&c as i decided to manage it natrually and it was heart breaking and a very long painful day, second time i lost baby at 7 weeks but was a lot easier to deal with i think you prepare your self more and realise things can go wrong but im am strong beliver in every thing happens for a reason, we never forget are babies but learn to move on im now 23 weeks pregnant with a little boy and all is going well the first few weeks of being pregnant was very hard every niggle i was at the doctors, this time they gave me 2 extra scans one at 6 weeks and another at 8 after a bleed then the normal 12 &20 stay possitve and take care, lauren xxx

emmacoffey · Apr 24, 2007 7:01PM

thanks lauren i appreciate ur comments take care hun and gud luck em xx

JuliaHarrison · Apr 24, 2007 7:39PM

hi,im really sorry to hear your sad news and want you to know im thinkin of u.i had my 1st little boy when i was 18 (which was a supprise 2 us) i then found out in feb 06 in a very distressing way that i was pregnant again. being on a pill which i had 2 take everyday and never had a period on i was quite shocked to find one morning i was bleeding which wasnt normal, i then went 2 the loo where i lost a huge kind of clot, i went 2 the doctors straight away and the stupid woman tried 2 send me home sayin it was just a heavy period?!then another doctor had a look and said it was an incomplete miscarriage so we then went straight to the hospital, my test came back positive and it was a foetus but there was still a baby and was told i was about 6 weeks i then had 2 wait till the next week until i knew if it was alive.i went for the scan and found out everything was perfect and i was actually 14 weeks. the whole experience was stressful but i just had 2 focus on the baby i was still carrying.at times i found myself cryin about it but i had 2 keep strong. i had another beautiful baby boy in aug 06.its only now i stop and think although it shouldve been twins im very lucky to have got a baby from it all.i just hope one day u will get the same.
all my love
xx

kayleighparker · Apr 26, 2007 6:48AM

hi emma , Thanks for your post, Although youve been through it before it never gets easier but i did find that the second time i didnt cry as much when i found out i was just angry with myself and felt like a total failure. I really went down hill not leaving the house and constantly turning against my partner, he is 31 and has a daughter aged 12 to someone else so of course i totally blamed myself because he had become a dad no problem. I am looking forward now though to getting pregnant afgain sometime this year i hope, a lot of girls i know have had a miscarrage the first time but have gone on to have a very healthy, successful 2nd one so dont keep stressing about it happening again because the stress certainly wont do you any good. But please becareful of you cat! as nearly every expert says they can cause miscarrage im not saying get rid of it but ask your partner to deal with it. I am scared of trying again but if the worst happens i suppose i will just have to deal with it in the best way i can. my partner is just as anxious about me getting pregnant again because both times its hit him like a brick and he knows how much i blamed and cursed myself over it. Im so despret to become a mum its kind of distroying me inside but I know i can do it one day and so can you keep trying and dont stress about what may happen. good luck to all trying and believe in yourself it will happen! love kayleigh

Makka_Pakka2 · Apr 26, 2007 11:43AM

Hi Kayleigh, Emma, Lauren, Jane, Julia, Becs, Lisa and everyone else who's reading this. A big thanks for all your kind messages. I had my ERPC yesterday and it went really well. The hospital staff were great. The registrar told my husband it was a 'textbook procedure' and it only took 15 minutes. I was under anaesthetic for a couple of hours though and I chewed my lips really hard whilst coming round so I look like I've had botched collagen implants at the moment! Physically I feel well today but I keep trying to do things around the house so I don't need to dwell on the m/c which probably isn't a good thing. I'm really, really glad I had the ERPC done though but it feels weird that it's all over.

Kayleigh - I'm so incredibly sorry for your losses. You've been through double the pain I have. I wish you every luck in the world ttc this year. Please don't blame yourself. Everyone had told me that one or two m/cs is usually just very bad luck and not because of anything you have or haven't done. The blame game is all too easy. I've blamed my husband a couple of times in the last week for wanting to wait until now to start a family. I've wanted children since I was 28 and he hasn't until now so we've waited. But I've apologised. This could have happened back then and I know deep down it's not our fault. He's completely gutted too.

Hi Emma - I don't have any cats or pets in fact. I was stressed at work in February when I conceived but I do believe at the moment (and hope) that it's just bad luck and down to dodgy chromosomes in the individual egg or sperm. I initially blamed my age but I've been told by several clinicians that this is absolute nonsense at 31. I suppose we all want to find something to pinpoint the loss on but 1 or 2 m/cs is usually just bad luck. I did get very drunk before I realised I was pregnant (a friend and I shared 3 bottles of wine!). I honestly didn't think I'd conceive quickly. When the bad news was broken last week my first question, spluttered through the tears, was whether I'd lost the baby because of getting drunk that day. The midwife said definitely not. Who knows I suppose. Still, next time I'll stop drinking when we ttc. Speak soon hopefully guys. Lots of love, Jo x

samy21 · May 1, 2007 9:01AM

hi jo i noticed u said about ur age just wanted to let u no ur age doesnt matter i had my 3rd m/c on friday and im only 21 my partner just 27 my sister also went through the same as u and she is only 18 so hope this helps u 2 belive u can try again and everything b fine best of luck in the furture xxxx

Missed Miscarriage - help

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